Absent dad... aibu

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So my three children have very
Little going on with their dad, my exh. For context he had an affair and I walked with my kids. He was relieved .
He was never hugely interested in them .. or me after I had kids. Wanted the life of a single man and I enabled that thinking his career climb was in the best interests of the family and someday it would all be worth it.
It simply disabled him from being a father. He has no idea how to parent. He shouts, nit picked and was critical of them
In the last year or so.
This morning as I left for work he appeared at the front drive. I wondered why and had hoped ot was to bring kids to school but it was to pick up a. Neighbour who works for him.
Literally next door. The house attached to ours !
He did not call to say hello to them, drop in while waiting for ten mins for the man, nothing.
Is this totally fucking weird or what?
They dont really see him, won't spend days or nights with him, have no respect for him and are quite straight and honest about their feelings towards him , which of course is so sad ; but he doesn't give a single fuck!!!
We were together until eldest was 15 and youngest was 8...

From my point of view it is ridiculously weird. I don't understand how you can stand outside your children's house and not want to see them. But his actions show he isn't able to put his kid's first. Some people just aren't meant to be parents. I think you carry on supporting your children, and as you've said they have already made their minds up about the situation so it's now learning to deal with the feelings that comes from having an absent father. I'd definitely consider counselling (so it isn't all you and they can work through it) as I have seen the effect this has on children and adults in my job.

Thanks. Yes two of them have counselling. So do I . The eldest cannot have a successful relationship. She is defensive, strong, tough but now is seeing a lovely soft and gentle man who I hope will enable her to see kindness and goodness in men. Her father is a fail, in every way .

I'm sorry to be blunt..but he is an embaressment 😬.

How on earth can you be a dad to a 15 year old and never learn the slightest thing about being a dad...to then bail after all those years watching them grow?? Its seems almost psychopathic. I don't get how you can no emotional tug towards them to just stand right outside, and not want/need to see them..

Good grief.