To ask 12 year old to come home at 6pm

[Zombieof3]

Hi all,

This whole parenting a preteen is facing me with a whole load of dilemmas.
my 12 year old is going out with her school friends but I have asked her to come home by 6pm, is this unreasonably early as she states that it is. She regularly hangs out in this park area which is a 15 minute walk from the house. I’m so unsure on what time to ask her to be home by. I know what type of people are out and about and I just want to keep her safe but I also know I can’t keep her wrapped up in cotton wool. Any ideas?

She is quite sensible and is always with friends but I’m not sure she would deal well with a conflict if one was to happen.

I usually say 6pm for my 12 year old for the same reasons you are thinking of - there seems to be a change of the type and age of teen hanging around after that time. However, depending on the situation I will let her stay later for a special occasion- end of term etc

Well I'd tell her, not ask her, but with the lighter evenings coming I'd probably make it more like 7, as long as she's eaten before she goes out and that she keeps the rules.

I think at 12 I pretty much said home by dark in the winter!
In summer she could stay out longer as long as she had somewhere to go/something to do ie no hanging around in the centre of town making a nuisance of herself.

6 is fine until you're confident she's behaving well, safe enough etc.

Once it gets lighter you can reassess.

Doesn't she need to eat?
Or am I being thick?

My 11 yr old is allowed out till 8pm at this time of year.

She's sensible and had nice friends and we live in a nice area.

She eats before going out, I think I’m going to stick with 6pm and go with my gut for now, it’s an odd age as she’s not quite mature enough but she does need some dependence too xx

I would tell her not ask, because my 12 year old cannot refuse to come home by a specific time. What time are you feeding her if she has to be home that early?

Back for dinner at 6pm is perfect. I wouldn't be feeding her earlier.

6pm seems really early to me. Has she ever played out, in the light evenings?

You will know the risks of the area where you live. I let my recently turned 12 year old stay out until 7 or 8pm if there's no school the next day, especially now it's getting lighter in the evening. In the winter I said 6, but only because he's usually on his bike and I didn't want him riding in the dark. BUT we live in a very safe small town where everyone knows everyone and the roads are not challenging.

Back for 6pm (and dinner) is the rule in our house, unless they are at a friend's house for dinner, then I would probably go and pick them up if it was later.

DC are 12 and 14.

So she gets home from school at what, 3.30/4ish? Eats and then what, goes out for about another hour until 6? Seems a bit of a weird order - why not say she can stay out after school until 6 and then come home for dinner, homework etc?

In fact mine has just headed out just now at 630pm

We go with home before dark unless in a friend's house that we know the parents. Friends are welcome to come to ours and hang out

If she has to eat then go out and be back for 6 you must be eating at 4:30/5:00??? Why do you eat so early?

I think 6 is fine for now, I usually change it to 7 once the clocks change and then 8 in the 'proper summer.'

'Ask'?

You are the parent. You need to tell your kids what you expect them to do.

Seems early but I don't get home from work until 6:15 most nights so we eat at 7:30 and I expect them to be back by then at 12.
My two are older but that was the rule until they were 13, nearly 14.

Seriously you let your 13 year old hang about the streets to 12pm? Do you know what they are up to?

I think that's really late, even in summer when it's still light at 11pm.

At 12y.o., not 12am.

I think 6 pm is fine at that age, and yes tell not ask!

My ds is 15 and even now for him the rule is 7pm unless he is doing a specific activity. So a couple of examples he went to Wagamama with friends for a birthday, they were done by 9pm and I picked him up. New Year’s Eve his mate had a party at their house, we picked him up at 10:30pm. If it’s just “in town” or “hanging around in the park” then it’s 7pm. Because after that the people around them change.

My ten year old wouldn't have headed out to training at that time !

Ten year old is home at 8 twice a week from training, he walks home with friends. Very safe area. He stays our with friends on Friday evening or non school night for the same. They play out local on the green

It really will depend on the area.

Sorry not the point of the thread at all but you wouldn’t let your 15 year old stay up till midnight at a New Years Eve party? Seems a bit mean!