To want to leave London

[CactusMactus]

Just that really?
Would I be so unreasonable to want to leave London even though DP's office is central London?
I WFH.
School aged kids... have no idea where we would go!

My DH moved high schools and state (he's an American) when he was 16 and it was awful for him.

Yeah, but you don't need to drive either. We only drive if we're going away from London.

Maybe I am being a bit selfish.. that actually moving would improve my life but less so for DP and DC's...

This opens you up to anywhere, really.

Does he want to leave too? I'm in Zone 3 and would love to be closer in, but as I have my daughter still at home (and four pets) need the space and garden I have. It's a good compromise though - close enough to commute in without extra cost (my daughter is at college more centrally), but leafy.
I'd do a lot of thinking before taking the plunge.

With a child in Year 5 you'll need to move quickly to get a good secondary state place. And I'd be cautious about moving to grammar areas as the dcs there could have been tutored for 2 years already by this point. If you don't manage to move before secondary school application close, then trying to move into a good school area might be pointless as you'd only get a place if other dcs leave, which is unlikely in a sought after school.

We are in London zone 2 and I think it's a wonderful place to raise our dcs. But we are fortunate enough to afford a large enough house here, private schools and all the fun activities on offer.

You'll never know what the right decision is, and there is no right answer as you'll only have the path you've chosen as an experience, rather than the other option to compare it to. If you can get more of what is important to you out of London, and that outweighs the benefits of staying then that's good enough, it doesn't have to be perfect.

If you're going to do it, do it while the kids are in primary, secondary is a different ballgame somehow. OH is central London born and bred, left, and you can't hardly get him back for a visit now, much to my disgruntlement! Would definitely not move back despite all his family still being central.

I don't see us going into the grammar system.

London can be a great place for teens. Independent travelling from age 12 ish on tubes and buses. Lots of free stuff going on. My kids had a ball. I gently pushed them to go to university outside of London and both are having a ball. But both are also determined to return to London to work once graduated somehow as they love ‘their’ city!

But you need to be happy too.

I was a teen here and it was dodgy af.

If you own your place now, can you rent it out and then rent somewhere you think you'd like to live for 6-12 months?

I tried commuting into London (50 min journey) and it absolutely was not for me. It was tiring, prone to regular disruption, insanely expensive, and I always felt I was rushing to get to work and rushing to get back. And I only had to do it for three days a week.

Having a 50 min commute on regional rail with trains leaving mainline stations at half hour intervals is not the same as having a 40-50 min commute on the tube or bus regardless of what anyone says. If the train is cancelled, you're screwed and there's no alternative other than a 1.5 hour taxi ride. And that is scary when you have kids to pick up/ be back for.

I was beyond happy to move back to London.

I think there's London and then there's 'London.'

Regardless of which zone you live in, you can be living in heaven or hell depending on your postcode.

I lived in zone 2 when I was single and loved it, but London has changed an awful lot since then. The population has gone from 6.5 million to almost 10 million for a start.

There are very few areas that I consider to be London proper (as opposed to places like Bromley, Wimbledon, Bexleyheath and Kingston which are technically in London boroughs, but not really London) that I would feel comfortable bringing up a family. Even the really nice areas in zones 2 - 3 are all cheek by jowl with some seriously dodgy areas. Unless you can afford to go absolutely everywhere by Uber it's not worth the hassle. People are fucking feral these days.

Small towns can be dodgy af too, with less to do. Not that it's a reason for staying, or going. Sounds like you need to talk with your DH first and foremost to see how he feels about moving and weighing up all the pros and cons together.

I feel like we are paying a premium for living in London but not really 'using' London.
Like when the kids were tiny I took them to museums and parks all the time but now they are older it's just their endless...bloody clubs. Which I am assuming we can do anywhere really.

I moved from London to Bucks in the summer holidays after year 5 and dc1 started at a new school for year 6. There were quite a few new students and a good percentage went to the same secondary school. It was good not to have to worry about secondary school admissions because we moved in plenty of time.

You can move once the kids are in secondary but you might not get into a good school and there might be a longer awkward commute for your children in different directions. My kids walk 20 minutes to school and there’s lots of others who walk in the same direction so it became a good social thing.

Yep, people seemed to be getting more fucking feral by the day. So feral in fact I’ve just left London after more than 40 years there. It’s quiet, the people are friendly, it has the lowest crime-rate in the UK, low unemployment, beautiful scenery, the lot. It’s bliss

Without sounding like a massive London wanker. I also thought houses were going for pennies outside of London... just checked out St Albans, Hitchin, Hampshire.. ooof. spendy.

Why not plan a few weekends out and about exploring, see if you like some of the smaller market towns or villages. Before you start house hunting proper. You can get a train to Sevenoaks, grab a coffee, walk up to knole park which is at the top of the high street (and the park is free) then head back into town for a lunch. Then pick another town a few weeks later. Just see if these places are for you- could you see yourself living there?

worth it before you waste time wandering round houses- or trying to convince your DP.

Depends on the clubs, can't assume you'll have as much choice unless it's a biggish town/city. Plus if you're feeling worn down as the 'endless' implies, it won't be easier having to drive them around more out of London where there's generally less good public transport. My DC don't even go to clubs as they're gamers so they 'use' London very little, but me and DH use it a lot. Is there a reason you don't want to or is it solely about the cost? Does DH feel that way? Have to say, it gets a lot easier when they're teens and you have more freedom.

General clubs - gymnastics, dance, swimming.

Well yes because a lot of people have felt like you and that dream costs a lot - of proximity for London for work/the upsides but having all the comforts of a smaller non-London setting. To really pay less for a bigger property, you have to go much further or compromise on niceness of area and transport links. Definitely good to look around and give the idea of moving much more context. You may find you're better off where you are, but all depends on your budget and how badly you want to move.

Those are all lovely and highly desirable areas still very handy for commuting though. Same with places like Chislehurst, Sevenoaks etc. There are plenty of really lovely areas further out, with a longer commute that are more affordable and likewise there are plenty of places nearer to London that are not quite so desirable which offer a good commute, but far less chi-chi surroundings.

Moving when they are young is easier. I left London when dd was born for ex's work reasons, never have gone back. My parents wondered if I would return after my marriage broke down but I just don't like it any more. I live 100m from the beach, major city 20 minutes by car, 2 hrs door to door to Oxford Circus if I so desire, but it's rare. If he needs to be on the office 2-3 days a week I would look at commutes no longer than 90 mins including getting to and from the station, not just the train ride

Btw we did this whole thing when the kids were younger than yours, but ended up staying (in zone 4) with no regrets. We mainly looked around Sussex - Horsham, Brighton etc. but it wasn't worth it when we factored in travel costs and aggro, plus we actually got more for our money in London than Brighton because it was so hard to get a decent garden down there without paying £££. There are cheaper options of course, Essex is worth a look if that direction suits, but as I say, it's not a big money-saver unless you make a big move to truly detach from London environs.

That's because you live in London though. Move much further out and you'll find it a different experience altogether. So long as you don't move to Birmingham, obvs.