Feel like I don’t know my boyfriend anymore..

[Mais4]

Hey so I’m not sure what to do in this situation but my boyfriend and father of our baby girl seems to be a different person to me, finding things funny that he would have when he was a teen. (which is fine of course) but when they find people with disabilities funny and or porn videos/ jokes in general hilarious to send to each other is just uncomfortable for me. This all started at his new workplace, the people in his place of work seem to have a different sense of humour to him, now what confuses me is that he hides it or tries to and doesn’t want me to think he likes that sort of humour and it just makes me feel uncomfortable and to be honest i feel like I’ve never known him.

This was sad to write as I know it’s not the biggest of issues but I really love him and he loves me I just really want to make this work.

YANBU. Those things are not acceptable to joke about. How long has he been working there?

I would tell him clearly that you don't find this behaviour attractive and if this is who is he is then it's best to end things now.

Does he like it or is he trying to fit in?

Hiding it from you makes me think he's trying to fit into this new work place being the new guy.

Now obviously that doesn't excuse the content but if he's not sending it then maybe he is just a member of the group?

Yeah definitely! I thought that myself. Plus he’s admitted to me before that he’s slipping back into that humour but at the same time doesn’t want me to see/know and I feel like he only doesn’t contribute to it because of him not wanting me to think he likes that sort of thing. I hope that makes sense haha.

He’s been there about a year now but I’ve only really noticed this behaviour at the start of this year. I’ve also spoken to him about this issue a couple of times but it always ends in tears as he will get mad at me for questioning him. I always ask nicely it’s just as the conversation develops he reacts in such a way it’s as if I’m attacking him.

You sound quite young OP, but having already tried to speak to him about this on more than one occasion, and the fact that he's clearly shutting you down, I think you're wasting your time with him. Only you can decide whether this is a make or break thing, but it doesn't sound like he's the man for you. Shame you had a baby with him before you found this out about him, but don't let influence you to stay with him, if he's not the one for you.

It's really not a matter of if this is ok. If you feel it isnt ok, for you from a partner, then it's not ok. You just need to decide if you are going to accept it, or if it causes such significant issues for you that it puts a healthy relationship with him out of the question.

He will get mad at you for questioning him? Also a big issue.

I tell dh that I'm his wife not his leery workmate. I don't want to see that crap.

I just love him so much, i couldn’t imagine a world without him may sound cringe but it’s true I genuinely just want things to work as I don’t want to be on my own or with anyone else. He believes that he could potentially lose me due to his outbursts as well as this added on, which leaves him to walk around with a sad face which I don’t take pitty on but at the same time feel awful afterwards because I just want us to enjoy our time we get together. with him working and me looking after the baby we get limited time and I don’t want that limited time to be me having to stand my ground.

thank you all for your help:)

How old are you OP? You sound desperate to be 'in love', and if you're not VERY careful will be back on here in a year or two's time, saying you can't believe how he's still doing this. You say that he's worried he's going to lose you over this, so if that's the case take control of this situation, and tell him, that he's right, he will lose you if he continues to behave in this way, as you find it inappropriate, and can't support his behaviour, and MEAN IT!