Can anyone help with this friend situation

26 replies

T0PHAT · 20/03/2024 09:35

I have been friends with someone for about 15 years, mostly because our kids are similar ages and we've been on holiday together lots of times etc. I have other friends who I'm closer to but she is still a friend.

In the last two years she has been diagnosed with so many things like ADHD etc, she seems obsessed and has also now got about five diagnoses for her dd including autism. All through her private health care, none are nhs. Her husband is also getting assessments.

I have an autistic child, clear diagnosis from age 5. I also work with people who have adhd and autism and although I know that it presents differently in different people I'm unsure that they would be assessed as these issues effecting their daily lives detrimentally. She's quite a normal kid, I know her very well.

Anyway when we meet up it is all she wants to talk about and she uses adhd as an excuse for everything including loads of behaviours she never had before! Even though she is apparently medicated now.

I find it really annoying to talk about this all with her all the time, especially when I don't really think they have any issues and struggle to understand the motivation for all the diagnoses.

I have put off seeing her for ages because of this

I know I sound like a right bitch and I wish it didn't get to me but it does

It's not as easy as saying just end the friendship because I can't do that

How can I stop it being an issue? Or can I say I don't really want to talk about adhd today?

OP posts:

areyoutheregod · 25/03/2024 11:45

trumancummings · 25/03/2024 10:47

I agree that there are times where it's not just parents wanting a diagnosis for their child but the school & their doctor, and the only reason for going private is because of a massive time delay with the NHS. But it pisses me off that there are so many people now buying themselves diagnoses privately and using them as an excuse for anything and everything, so that people like me who are genuinely struggling and just want a tiny bit of help (and not financial, merely the odd small day to day accommodation) are being seen as chancers and not as people with an actual disability. The person I mentioned who bought her kids ADHD diagnoses - 'they'll get extra time in exams' - that was the only reason, every so joyful. No mention of struggling to pay attention or anything else. Nope, just telling me that they'd get more time (and therefore the expectation of higher grades). And trust me, she'd have said if they'd had actual issues.
I'd love to not judge people who've gone privately, and I do try not to, but when you're personally struggling and you see people taking the absolute piss it's really hard. So yes, I get what you're saying, but as usual it's the minority buggering it up for the rest.

Show quote history

Yes, I would say a very small minority want it just for extra exam time- although you must see that as a valid accommodation in some cases surely? It was offered to my friends daughter, diagnosed, who didn't take it because she felt people would judge her. She needed it though. Thats why I say to be mindful of the fact there is simply not enough resources for everyone on the NHS. The way you've phrased ' buy themselves a diagnosis' makes it sound like you dismiss all private diagnosis. If someone gets a private menopause diagnosis they aren't viewed the same way, people understand its a problem within the system and people just want help. The same applies with the autism spectrum, people want help and some can pay for it- although they shouldn't have to. I'm sorry that you ever experience someone thinking you're a chancer, that must be hard. I also see that happening to people who are genuine and have had a private diagnosis. So perhaps everyone needs to not be so defensive and questioning of other peoples health?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread