Who needs looked after more

[Postmanpet]

Person A is torn between helping two important people.

Person A’s dad (person B) is currently in hospital after breaking their hip. He is in his 70s and has a few underlying health conditions. Person A lives 2 hours drive away from his family. He planned to go and stay with his mum for two nights and visit his dad in hospital. He is likely to be in hospital for a number of weeks.

Person A’s wife is pregnant (person C) and has picked up a sickness bug. She is being sick every 30 mins and has been for the last 15 hours. She would probably be fine on her own but they have a dog who needs walking twice and no one else to take her if Person A wasn’t here

Who should Person A be with today?

YABU = person B (his dad)
YANBU = person C (his wife)

Definitely the wife. The dad visit would be a nice thing to do, for company for him, but he’s being looked after by nurses and hospital staff.

The wife hasn’t got anyone looking after her - and her condition could get dangerous. People are admitted to hospital with HG after all. The dog issue also means he can’t possibly go and leave her alone with the dog - if he does go to see his dad at any point he must either take the dog or find someone else to care for it.

Plus if it’s a bug and not HG, he shouldn’t be taking the germs into hospital.

Definitely wife. I broke my hip and while the recovery was boring and long...there's pain relief and nurses and physios all around to help.
He can go one day without the visit. Just video call or phone him instead.
Wife will be well again in a couple of days and then he can resume the dad visits.

Do you have any children to look after? If yes then absolutely he should stay home and look after you all. If not, then I really think he should go.

Person A sounds like it is visiting for company rather than needing practical help. The wife needs actual help. Stay with the wife until she is recovered

Agree you need to stay well away from hospital until you know whether or not you are carrying/incubating the same sickness bug.

A should stay with his wife and try to organise a zoom chat to dad if someone there can cope with the tech.

If you’ve got a vomiting bug he should not go and visit his parents. The last thing his dad needs is a vomiting bug

He should stay at home until him and his wife are clear of the sickness bug, then go and see his dad.
Do you need a GP for a sickness bug?

Oh op hope you're ok. You need looking after x

All of this person A, B, etc is silly confusion, you can just say "my partners dad is in hospital but I'm also sick..."

I agree with others that he should not risk taking a sickness bug into hospital or to his parents. Once that risk has gone he should go straight to visit his parents though - his dad is clinically vulnerable and his mum will be exhausted.

Do you have any other family or friends nearby who can help you? It can take a while to feel yourself after such severe sickness. Perhaps a good friend can help with dog walking at least? Or bring you some shopping?

Wife. The dad has healthcare professionals looking after him and presumably the mum didn't have a fall too so is hopefully still capable. And there's other family visiting and available to help. A phone call or FaceTime to dear old dad is perfectly reasonable.

the absolute priority is not spreading the bug, give it a few days to make sure he hasn't picked it up.

he can't risk giving it to his parents or anyone else in the hospital.

a broken hip is sadly very often the beginning of the end for elderly people. He cannot risk giving his Dad a bug. That's the bottom line.

i hope you get over your bug soon 🌷

I would stay with the wife for a few days until she’s over the worst of it and then go and visit sick dad once she’s feeling a bit better.

Just an update, I went to the GP who told me to go straight to the maternity assessment unit to be admitted for fluids as I am very dehydrated. DH is glad he stayed until I had my GP appointment as he had to drive me to hospital and is here now.

They do not think it’s a sickness bug I have, they think it’s just a severe case of pregnancy sickness (I had very bad nausea for the first 18 weeks but do not have HG)

If it isn't a sickness bug then i would send him to be with his dad OP, the maternity unit will be best placed to help you.

Wife. Dad is safe in hospital being looked after.
I'd be horrified if my son had a pregnant wife and even considered leaving her just to visit me in hospital, when I was in no danger and not terminally ill.

He should avoid going to the hospital for a couple of days in case he has the sickness bug.

I think the wife would be fine with or without him - unless you are on a remote island somewhere, there will be dog walkers nearby who can take the dog out if you don't have a friend or neighbour who could walk the dog.

Facetime or call the dad in hospital and then go next week to visit.

I have put YABU for the simple fact that if wife has picked up a vomiting bug the last place you need to be travelling to is elderly mother and frail elderly father who is already in hospital and compromised. Stay home with wife until all is settled and bug gone before packing up to go visit relatives.

Pregnant wife takes priority over father, but humans take priority over pets. Dogs won't die if not walked for a few days.

Take care, hope the rest of the pregnancy goes well.

He'd likely come down with the bug shortly so a long drive would be out of the question anyway

Person Z

Hire a dog walker
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