To ask if you made any bit mistakes in life, did you get back on track? I feel like my life is ruined

[Annerlop]

I made some stupid mistakes in my life. I look back and realise how good things were and I threw it all away. I was attractive, good job, good health, lots of friends, never had massive financial struggles. I had it all really. Met a wonderful man and couldn’t see it at the time/was scared to settle down. I had a lot of issues from my childhood which led to low self esteem - I know all of that now, though perceptions of yourself are hard to change.

Fast forward to my early thirties and I ended up having a baby with someone that treated me pretty badly. We are no longer together, I’m now 37 and a single parent. He pays maintenance, sees our dc every couple of weeks. He’s not truly awful but it’s a long long long way from the life I hoped to share with someone. I do everything for our dc (ex doesn’t want 50-50), so my career that I worked so hard for has taken a massive hit, nursery illness etc all on me. Then that has a knock on effect to my income, I haven’t been promoted in years even though I was doing very well before dc.

I try and count my blessings but I am finding it increasingly hard. Everyone around me seems to be having more dc now and I feel left out… the same way in my late twenties when people were having their first!

I have no long term memories to share with anyone. I am not building a life with anyone. My life is full in that it is busy. I can keep myself busy and push these thoughts to the back of my mind but I deep down I desperately wish I had someone in my life to build a family with and share life’s ups and downs. I know 37 isn’t old but the chances of me being able to meet someone in time to have another dc are very slim, my dc is only 3 so i have very little spare time. I feel like I messed up so much and I have to carry on now, living a life without that full family unit I always hoped for even as a young child.

It’s always easier to look back with rose tinted glasses!

It sounds like everything is really hard work at the moment, but remember it won’t be long until your dc goes to school and that will open up more time and opportunities for you.

No-one knows what’s round the next corner if life, but it could be something wonderful round the next one.

You need to turn your thinking round , honestly there are so many opportunities still . My dh gave me a lovely book I think was called the Power of Positive thinking , it will really cheer you up if it has the same impact it did on me - I think it's on you tube too but I didn't find it as good on audio .

things don’t always work out the way we expect. I got together with the wrong man, two kids, broke up. felt very much like i had messed everything up. But fast forward 10 years; kids growing up, nice kind partner, dog, cat. Not how I’d hoped it would be.. but absolutely ok. Take heart things will improve.

My mistakes were not dissimilar to yours. I cannot say I went back on track. I found new tracks.

Your life is not predetermined, there will be loads of opportunities perhaps not the ones you were thinking of.

You are making memories and a life with your child.
I was divorced for 20 years, learnt to love my life, having rebuilt it after divorce and bankruptcy, which meant I also lost my home, car and income.
Now, I have 2 wonderful adult children, a loving husband and adult step children, and we have 2 homes we are paying off.
BUT - and this is the important part - I was happy before I met my now DH, he has enhanced my life, not saved me from being a lonely single. Your happiness is your responsibility, and you have the opportunity to make a beautiful life with your child.

You have only one child to look after. You could have been left with 3 or 4.
37 with one child You can definitely rebuild who you were, just don't give up

You are only 37 and your little one is only 3 - you're still very much in hard early stages of parenting.

At some point you're going to have let get go of the childhood vision of adulthood, but honestly most of us have to do that. (I also wanted a pink stretch limo and a husky - that part of the dream I'm happy to ditch.)

Have a good cry, punch a pillow or whatever and release all your frustrations, then put on your big girl pants and embrace the life you have an improve it anyway you can.
There a pages and pages of mumsnet with women desperate for a baby, trapped with a bad man. Single parenthood is bloody hard but you're young and life will get easier.

I'm the same age and on a mission to tart myself up a bit for 40 - exercising at home, ecstatic dance with the kids every morning, Aldi dupes moisturiser, teeth whitening etc but all at very slow, self accepting self love kind of pace.

Totally agree with pp about a mindset shift though. Your feelings are understandable but wallowing for too long won't bring happiness.