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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to send him packing!!?

16 replies

howyoudoingg · 19/03/2024 19:59

Started dating a guy around 4 weeks ago. We slept together before dating as we were drinking with mutual friends! He told me the day after that he'd like us to date because he's not looking for a one night stand. So we started meeting once a week and talking via text each day.

Shortly after we started dating, a mutual friend warned me about him. Apparently, he's always dating someone new and sleeps about a bit.

He denied sleeping around, but did say he dates a bit as he is looking for someone to settle down with.

I told him at the weekend that I was feeling strange about things and something felt off. He would read my messages and wait 6+ hours to respond, even after explaining he hadn't done anything all day. I felt like he was playing games.

We met yesterday to talk, but he just spoke about his childcare arrangements and was texting his child's Mum. We barely spoke about the issue at hand, but he told me I had raised his defences after my doubts and that he needed to sleep on how we should move forward. We then said goodbye, gave each other a hug and went home. We continued to text a bit afterwards.

I saw him tonight on the way home from work. We walk past each other occasionally. He told me about his day and said he just felt off about things with us and that we should meet up for food and to chat. He said tomorrow might be good but he plans to meet another female friend so he'd let me know. He also told me he spoke to the lass he was dating before me yesterday. She saw us kissing whilst we were all out last week and then contacted him. The whole thing made me feel strange.

Then he told me he was meeting a female friend. As she approached, he stepped back and we said goodbye. He never hugged me or introduced me to his friend. I just left feeling confused by this sudden coldness.

Tonight, I decided to cut things off.
I am so new to dating after leaving my marriage a year ago so have no idea if I was being unreasonable or not. Let me have it... Grin

OP posts:
Telomeres · 19/03/2024 20:01

Yeah, seems like a player, don't waste any headspace on this one!

TheSnowyOwl · 19/03/2024 20:05

Whatever his reasons, this doesn’t sound like it’s going to go anywhere.

PBandJ111 · 19/03/2024 20:06

Great decision on your part! Time to move on.

SallySunrise · 19/03/2024 20:09

Oh god, what an absolute knob.

Bin him off and don't give him another thought.

KreedKafer · 19/03/2024 20:13

It doesn’t sound you’re really on the same page, so perfectly reasonable not to keep seeing him. I don’t think he’s done anything wrong, as such, but he obviously has a different dating style to yours, and you wouldn’t be compatible, so you’re absolutely right not to pursue it any further. If something feels ‘off’ after four weeks, he isn’t right for you. You can definitely find someone better!

Runnerinthenight · 19/03/2024 20:15

Throw it back!

howyoudoingg · 19/03/2024 20:28

These responses are such a relief to read! 😅

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 19/03/2024 20:29

Nah. Bin him off. Sounds more hassle than he’s worth

ChihuahuasREvil · 19/03/2024 20:31

It’s been four weeks, just bin. Honestly, that’s as deeply as you need to think about it.

ancienticecream · 19/03/2024 20:37

That'd be a 'no' from me 😉

SpringtimeBunny · 19/03/2024 20:42

He was trying to make you jealous with that diatribe about his ex 🙄 How incredibly childish. Dodged a bullet there, OP.

Lovemybunnies · 19/03/2024 20:52

He’s trying to make you jealous so that he can try again in a little while. Please don’t allow him to do that to you.

WigglyVonWaggly · 19/03/2024 21:18

He’s got a very immature attitude to commitment and relationships. He seems to be like an octopus with a tentacle in every pie. Keeping everyone on the back burner and restlessly looking to see who else is available. I’m not very good at similes so I’ve made a hash of that but you get my drift!

Daphnis156 · 19/03/2024 21:22

You've dome the right thing.
Don't go back there.

howyoudoingg · 19/03/2024 21:23

WigglyVonWaggly · 19/03/2024 21:18

He’s got a very immature attitude to commitment and relationships. He seems to be like an octopus with a tentacle in every pie. Keeping everyone on the back burner and restlessly looking to see who else is available. I’m not very good at similes so I’ve made a hash of that but you get my drift!

Edited

I said similar when discussing with my friend tonight. He seems to want a finger in every pie. All of his closest friends are women, and many of these women he has slept with or dated.

OP posts:
AgnesX · 20/03/2024 07:02

Such drama 🙄

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