AIBU to think the mums hate me? [Title changed by MNHQ at OP's request]

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My DC’s turn this week to take home the class toy. The toy comes with a big book where you write down what you did and stick in pictures, I felt so sad looking at the book today as it’s filled with pictures of toy and children visiting extended family, cousins etc. (just for context I’m not talking to my family due to extreme childhood abuses and neglect I suffered) but that’s not the part that upsets me.

The part that really gets me is his best friend from school who he plays with everyday and talks about has a page where he’s written he had a playdate with another child in class. This really upset me as I’ve many times asked the mum if she wants to come over for a playdate or meet in the park (when it was warmer weather) and her response was she’s busy, everytime! I just feel sad that she’s obviously not busy as she’s had all these play dates with kids (another kid also has pictures of them having play date in her house at another date). I feel so sad. My kids are missing out as I’m so damaged and people probably sense this and avoid me. I feel like just avoiding everyone altogether.

Please try to put this out of your mind. The only things that is important here is self esteem, because that's the foundation to friendship, be it as children or as adults.

Your son evidently gets on well with his friends at school. This is the true reflection of whether he struggles with friendships or not, not if you can persuade mothers with a million other things going on to accept a play date.
When he is older, and can organise his own free time, play dates won't have made an ounce of difference.

Really there are a number of possible explanations.

One is that the mum is genuinely busy. I turned down lots of play dates over the years because we were not available. We did however have a standing date one evening a week with a friend of my youngest because the two went to an activity together then came and played after. It only really worked as they were continuing on from their activity for an extra 30-45 minutes.

One is that the child in question when asked who he wants to play with is mentioning other kids or when being asked if he’d like a play date with your son is saying he isn’t interested.

One is that the mum in question isn’t all that comfortable with people she doesn’t know. It could be the play dates she arranges are with mums she knows from outside school or mums she met a while ago at nursery or similar and has become comfortable with.

One is that the mum is very cliquey &/or only arranges play dates where she sees an opportunity to get to know someone she thinks will be useful to her.

None of those have anything to do with you as a person or some way you are putting people off. I’d try asking some other parents instead or ask in a class what’s app chat/similar if anyone would like to go to the park or do another activity as a group with the kids. Definitely don’t beat yourself up or stress about it.

Hi OP.

I really feel for you and I'd say 9/10 people know what you're feeling.

I feel like people are the cure and the cause of so much. It's great to spend time with them but can leave our esteem reeling after.

First and foremost, you need to get yourself some help. You're so low and you don't need to me. You're doing much better than you think. Look at joining a club or activity - it's so awkward but will help. There are apps for this too. Also, look at speaking with a professional to discuss your past and not let it affect yours or your kids future.

Also, this book sounds fucking awful. I swear to you that it's all for visuals. They may have done nothing that weekend but have used photos from other weekends so it doesn't look like their life is boring... which it very likely is because we can't all do stuff all of the time. It also very much seems a tool where the kids will be comparing lives and friendships and no one will feel better from it.

Finally, I would speak to the teacher re your concerns on his friendships. Ask if they have any insight you're missing that could help him.

Sorry to throw thoughts at you, I'm not good at compiling them in a succinct manner like most of Mumsnet but I really hoped I could help lift you a little.

You're doing a great job

@TesticularHeft thank you so much for your message. It really helped me get through a tough school run today. I suppose it’s just like FB in that people only put in happy times and no one is going to talk about bad and stressful things