Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I don't understand my newborn

19 replies

imablue · 19/03/2024 19:57

Second baby and really struggling with my nearly 3 week old. I don't remember my first being this difficult.

He's unsettled all the time and I don't really know to do. He doesn't sleep unless being held pretty much all the time, he just wakes up as soon as we put him down in the crib/swing. I'm absolutely knackered and I'm not getting anything done which is also stressing me out. I know he's only little and he just wants to be cuddled all the time but I simply can't do it 24/7.

Then sometimes he's fussing after feeds, wriggling around as if he's in discomfort and then crying. Other times he just seems hungry constantly.

I feel like I don't understand what he wants or that I'm not reading his cues correctly.

Please anybody any advice on what I can do as I just feel at the end of my tether 😭

OP posts:
wishuponastar1988 · 19/03/2024 19:59

It's so so hard in those early weeks. He's in the fourth trimester so wants to be close to you all the time, you are all he has ever known and he feels safe when he is with you. A sling/carrier was great for me in those early weeks and I also spent a lot of time relaxing on the sofa or going out for gentle walks with the dog and baby in her sling. It does get easier and will pass x

Original poster
imablue · 19/03/2024 20:00

wishuponastar1988 · 19/03/2024 19:59

It's so so hard in those early weeks. He's in the fourth trimester so wants to be close to you all the time, you are all he has ever known and he feels safe when he is with you. A sling/carrier was great for me in those early weeks and I also spent a lot of time relaxing on the sofa or going out for gentle walks with the dog and baby in her sling. It does get easier and will pass x

I've ordered a sling. I'm really hoping this helps slightly, I'd love to just get a bit of housework done but it seems impossible at the moment

OP posts:
JuicyOrange01 · 19/03/2024 20:00

Omg I could have written this word for word.

but my baby is now 8 weeks old and I now know what it is… reflux!!

Wanting to be held is so they are upright as lying down makes the pain worse. If baby isn’t being sick then it’s silent reflux.

being always unsettled is the reflux.

they want to feed all the time because when they are feeding it gives them comfort and a bit of ‘pain relief’ during the feed which is why they squirm around and go on and off during the feed.

literally word for word the exact same issue happened to me. Also my second baby.

I started infant gaviscon last week which helped but not completely so tomorrow we start omeprezole.

Cbljgdpk · 19/03/2024 20:02

I remember with my second being really surprised that what worked with my first just didn’t work with him. It was like starting over again which looking back seems obvious but I thought I knew what I was doing with my second (although as he’s get older what I’ve learnt has helped). You will find your way though and learn their cues; 3 weeks is tiny and it’s impossible to know.
For the sleep I did swaddling and also making their bedding smell like me, keeping it warm when they were feeding so it wasn’t such a shock to go back in and very slow transfers; a mixture of which seemed to help

Original poster
imablue · 19/03/2024 20:03

JuicyOrange01 · 19/03/2024 20:00

Omg I could have written this word for word.

but my baby is now 8 weeks old and I now know what it is… reflux!!

Wanting to be held is so they are upright as lying down makes the pain worse. If baby isn’t being sick then it’s silent reflux.

being always unsettled is the reflux.

they want to feed all the time because when they are feeding it gives them comfort and a bit of ‘pain relief’ during the feed which is why they squirm around and go on and off during the feed.

literally word for word the exact same issue happened to me. Also my second baby.

I started infant gaviscon last week which helped but not completely so tomorrow we start omeprezole.

I've mentioned it to my doctor today as I took him to the GP for oral thrush, but she just put it down to that and sort of fobbed me off. I truly do believe it could be reflux 😔

OP posts:
Cbljgdpk · 19/03/2024 20:03

I’d agree actually it does sound like reflux; have you tried infacol? If not the GP can help.

Original poster
imablue · 19/03/2024 20:04

Cbljgdpk · 19/03/2024 20:02

I remember with my second being really surprised that what worked with my first just didn’t work with him. It was like starting over again which looking back seems obvious but I thought I knew what I was doing with my second (although as he’s get older what I’ve learnt has helped). You will find your way though and learn their cues; 3 weeks is tiny and it’s impossible to know.
For the sleep I did swaddling and also making their bedding smell like me, keeping it warm when they were feeding so it wasn’t such a shock to go back in and very slow transfers; a mixture of which seemed to help

Yep, this has been a shock to my system to be honest. My first was easy in comparison, would feed and go straight back down. I wasn't prepared for this

OP posts:
Imisscoffee2021 · 19/03/2024 20:04

Sounds like my baby, he had silent reflux. He swallowed the regurgitation so didn't lose weight but the acid burns the throat and makes them very uncomfortable. Lying down allows the milk to rise up. We had to hold him at least 30 mins after a feed to reduce chance of reflux, and not change his nappy til after 30 mins as bending their legs pushes on tum and they have reflux.

Some grow oit of it, in our case it got so bad he was either miserable whimpering or screaming when awake or asleep with a sad expression and a face red from crying. Took him to a&e and paediatrics diagnosed reflux, put him on omeprazole. This took the pain away though he still had refluc. His nappies began to be mucusy and loose, and about 6 to 9 a day dirty ones. Health visitor in London wasn't worried but when we moved to Scotland when he was 6 weeks the health visitor realised he has cmpa and since going on the right formula he's a different baby. Now at 7 months all reflux symptoms gone.

Worth keeping an eye if it is reflux and try and mitigate his his discomfort, and bear in mind GPS will give gaviscon before anything else and it constipated.

Hope your little one feels better soon!

justsayso · 19/03/2024 20:06

Hi OP, firstly congratulations on your new baby. I was in your shoes 3.5 months ago.
I even went to my GP with DD as I just couldn't get my head round it. My Google search history was shocking trying to understand what was going on with her.
In hindsight, and in line with what the internet and healthcare professionals were telling me, it was typical newborn behaviour.
Their digestive system hasn't matured yet so expect lots of sick, tummy pain, reflux etc. this lasted until about 10 weeks really. I couldn't put her down and was trying to move house at the time but got nothing done. she seemed constantly hungry. Now I look back and realise she was trying to establish breastfeeding.
Also she had a tongue tie which impeded her feeding and worsened her digestive issues.
We're well past all that now but by god it was like a bomb went off in my life!
My advice would be: stretchy wrap to carry little one. I had an izmi bamboo wrap which was great. Put all but essential tasks on hold for now. If there's someone who can come and cook clean and batch cook for you get them over. Sit on the sofa and feed your baby, watch some good films and box sets.
In a few weeks this will all be a hazy memory.

Imisscoffee2021 · 19/03/2024 20:06

To add its truly awful those first weeks, I had a traumatic birth and ivf to have him and it felt like a huge slap in the face for him to have this too when I didn't know what was up, I just felt like the worst mum ever not able to soothe the poor bubs :( amazing you're managing with another children too!

Thumberline · 19/03/2024 20:10

Congratulations OP. My first was just like your baby, so with my second I took her to an osteopath to help with the reflux and realign her after the birth. I also invested in a good carrier for using around the house. It’s so frustrating but remember “this too shall pass” and you will soon be facing new and different challenges and today will feel like a distant memory.

Perfect28 · 19/03/2024 20:13

Have you tried feeding every time he's unsettled?

Original poster
imablue · 19/03/2024 20:14

Perfect28 · 19/03/2024 20:13

Have you tried feeding every time he's unsettled?

I offer milk. Sometimes he will take it and sometimes he won't or will just have an oz

OP posts:
Happybirthdaytotheground · 19/03/2024 20:45

Agree with @Thumberline re the osteopath. My firstborn was exactly like this. He had a very traumatic delivery into the world and I also think he had colic. I really wish I had taken him to the osteopath. Not sure where you are based but the European School of Osteopathy are based in Kent and London and offer discounted sessions.

whyismysoupcold · 19/03/2024 20:48

Mine were similar. First baby was a breeze, and the second would NOT let me put her down. I couldn't even give her to DH to hold. I would go for lots of walks with her in the carrier just so I could have a break. A sling is a worthy investment, that's for sure.

I can wholeheartedly sympathise!

Nelbert19 · 19/03/2024 20:57

Sounds like my firstborn, it was really hard and completely exhausting! He’s still very much a Mami’s boy and loves cuddling in as close as possible. His 5 week old sister has been an absolute breeze, I can’t believe the difference!

hang in there OP, this too shall pass. Try reflux treatment (in hindsight I think this contributed to my son’s newborn fussiness), but you’re not doing anything wrong. It feels hard because it is hard! You’ll get through it

Nelbert19 · 19/03/2024 20:59

Oh also I echo what everyone has said about a soft sling/wrap - gamechanger! It meant I could accept my baby will not be put down so I could just chuck him in the sling and get on with housework or whatever

Bonbontutu · 19/03/2024 21:02

Buy a swaddle, baby shusher and read The Happiest Baby on the Block. There is an off switch for colicky babies (who aren't in need of medical intervention). Wish I'd read the book with my first (who was extremely difficult) as it's really helped with my second born. The book was recommended on a post on here.

Overlyanxious · 19/03/2024 21:12

@imablue my little one was like this and it turned out he had a cows milk protein allergy. As he got a bit older he had bad skin, would pull his legs up a lot, smelly wind. Hopefully it's not that but just something to keep in mind. Once I stopped having milk or giving him normal formula it cleared up and he could sleep on his back. Still not an amazing sleeper but a lot better then before

New posts on this thread. Refresh page