To be upset

[Tevion1213]

That all my family are buggering off abroad on my 40th. For context they had forgot it was my 40th when they booked and I can't go as I can't afford it

Who exactly is all your family?
Can you celebrate the previous week/following week?
When is your birthday? Did you send invites? Have you actually organised a party for yourself?

Sisters plus parents

They could pay for you to go as your gift!.

Yikes that's very shitty of them all! How can they just forget you're going to be turning 40? I also can't believe they haven't suggested paying for you to come!

It depends on the circumstances. Do you have other people (partner or kids or friends) that you can celebrate with and then celebrate with the othets when they get back?

If its just your parents and sister that you have, its pretty rubbish of them.

What was your plan?
Where you going to.have a party?
I recently turned 50 and hadca night away with my sister and old friend
But appreciate other people celebrate differently.

Are you sure they are not winding you up?

Was anything spoken about beforehand? How soon is your birthday? Do you have plans? Do you normally acknowledge birthdays?

Can you answer the other questions?
Can you celebrate the previous week/following week?When is your birthday? Did you send invites? Have you actually organised a party for yourself?

Are they your only family or do you have a partner/kids?

It is pretty rubbish of them.

Had you actually told them you were planning a family party for your 40th? Does your family always celebrate all the ‘big’ birthdays together?

It absolutely wouldn’t have occurred to me (unless I’d been told of a planned party) to keep my siblings’ birthdays free. My sister had a party for her 30th I think? I remember going to that. But I didn’t see any of my family on my 40th and I didn’t see my brother and sister on their 40th or 50th birthdays.

It depends on the family dynamics and norms, but in my family they wouldn't do that and I'd be upset if they did.
When is your birthday op?

Do you have partner/DC? If yes, I can’t see this as a massive issue. I’d celebrate with them on the day and see family on another date

I hadn't planned a party but was hoping for a nice surprise

Is a surprise party a tradition in your family?

Have any of them acknowledged they'll be away over your birthday?

Is it normal for them to all go away together?

Unless surprise parties are a thing in your family you’ve set yourself up for disappointment.

Surely your partner should be arranging something?

I didn't see my 40th birthday as being any different to any other. I just had a pizza with my mum at lunchtime and a nice takeaway in the evening with my husband and daughter. The only thing I would have hated more than a big party would have been a surprise party .

Could they be planning to surprise you, and have paid for you to go?

My parents asked us to theirs the Sunday after my 40th. I didn't know they were planning a family party, so when my actual birthday came and went, and I got no cards or presents, it was a fairly shitty day!

My advice is, make clear what you want.

I would expect a 40 year old to predominantly celebrate with their partner and children, or if they don't have a partner and children, then their friends.

If you'd have wanted a birthday celebration, you should have arranged it, inviting family as well as friends if you wish.

I would only think it was unreasonable for them to be going away on holiday if you'd already invited them to a party and they planned the holiday afterwards or if they were going away together and didn't invite you. But your lack of planning anything and your inability to pay for yourself to go on holiday at 40 are very much a you problem, not a them problem.

My whole family made a lot of fuss on my 40th. It would have felt gutting for them to all book a holiday and not even consider whether I could go.

Sorry to be so negative, but you're an adult. It's your birthday. So what its just another day to them. They booked in advance and didn't realise it was your 40th...did you get a big surprise for your 30th, did they? What did you do for their big day.

I don't understand adults making such a fuss about birthdays.

Just spend it celebrating with your kids, OP. My 40th is in August and I most certainly will not be spending it with my one remaining parent and my sibling! I'll be spending it with my daughter

Sounds like you're not at all "sorry to be so negative"...

Do you have a partner or kids to celebrate with? Can’t you celebrate with family the week before or after?

Where does it say she has kids? Not everyone does you no!