Please talk to me about cultural appropriation

[Fraaahnces]

I have been battling alopecia for years and now I am on meds it’s growing back, but very fragile. (Very pleased to report that I look slightly less like Friar Tuck’s 50 y/o twin sister these days!) It’s also driving me batshit crazy because every time I tie it up with a scrunchie or a hairband it tears, or if I use a comb, it slips straight out. Same with headbands. My lovely Chinese neighbour - who has been a spare mother to me and a nanna to my kids (they don’t have one of their own) popped into her place and brought out some beautifully carved sandalwood hair sticks and showed me how to do some nifty little hair buns with them. Voila! It stays!!! (Also doesn’t tangle and it smells delicious!)
Yep… Some twat accused me of cultural appropriation the moment I walked about four houses down the street with these stopping (all three of my) hairs from blowing into my eyes and mouth. And again in the supermarket. And again on the way home.
Am I trying to pass myself off as something I’m not? No. Am I pretending to be more enlightened or spiritually evolved because I now own fancy hair accessories? No.
Were any of them Asian? Yeah… Nah. Were any of the Asian people I wandered past offended? (Would be very surprised if they even noticed, tbh… Probably far too busy actually living to notice what aging women are doing with their crappy hair.)
Also, while we’re on the subject, what is a culturally appropriate solution for someone who is a short, blue-eyed blonde 9th and 10th generation Australian of Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Dhudhuroa, Wiradjuri, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Jamaican, Estonian, Latvian and Russian Jewish extraction to do, exactly?

Do you live in Portland Oregon? Or Brighton UK? Cos outside of those places I can't imagine that anyone would care that much.

Ignore 'em, wear what you feel confident in.

I live in Australia… and obviously looking like a hairless chihuahua, confidence is rather lacking atm.

What absolute nonsense.

These are obviously people who use words and ideas when they have no concept what they mean. A tinkly laugh and changing the subject would probably cover it.

(I absolutely believe cultural appropriation exists, but it can be a bit amorphous because of the subtlety and slipperiness of what culture means imo, and like an awful lot if times it is used, this isn't it).

Ignore.

You get people saying this in the U.K. from time to time yet every person I know of other ethnic origins seem to like their friends wearing/appreciating their heritage! The first thing you get offered when invited to an Asian wedding is to borrow a sari! I own a kimono, a gift from a Japanese family, and have a dress made from amazing fabric brought as a gift for me from Tanzania, she's also an amazing seamstress, and made the dress herself from the fabric. None of these seem concerned about cultural appropriation, it's appreciating not mocking

I'm disappointed. I thought Aussies had their heads screwed on better than that.

Think of a sassy comback for any future comments. Something that'll make them really uncomfortable. I was once in a queue in Tesco and this woman tapped the shoulder of the woman in front of her and said "I thought you'd like to know that you've got your sweater inside out". The woman in front turned around, established direct eye contact, and said, calmly but very clearly, so everyone around could hear "I have a medical condition which affects my hand eye coordination. Perhaps you should think twice before making unsolicited comments on other people's appearance."

I still think about that woman, a true legend

That's a bit harsh, no? Sounds like the first woman was genuinely trying to be helpful, I'd like to know if my top is on wrong!

Tbh, I have Ehler’s-Danlos Syndrome and can barely hold a pen so I may borrow her response. I think I was just on a downer because I was feeling so perky after finding such an easy solution to something that has been worrying me and all these idiots just had to point it out.
Thanks everyone.

What is and isn't cultural appropriation isn't always clear cut, but I'm fairly sure what you're doing isn't. If you were about to start selling them as a miracle for people with hair loss and making mega bucks off it, that definitely would be!

A true legend, really? I would have thought that she was quite rude, ensuring that everybody heard her reply. The woman was not trying to embarrass her. No need for that.

Eh, different strokes for different folks. The wider point I took from it was think before you comment because some people may not just have been a bit sloppy when they got dressed this morning, there may be a reason rooted in physical or mental ability. Maybe they're aware that something about their appearance is unconventional or odd but they don't care and don't care to have it drawn attention to.

I think the inside-out sweater wearer was a bit of a jerk. Sounds like the first lady was being kind. I'd want someone to tell me if my sweater was inside out.

I think, unless you decide to take this hair solution, give it a brand name, pretend it sprung out of your own imagination or declare that you are wearing your hair gear better and more beautifully than everyone else who as ever used them before, then everyone should back the fuck off and leave you alone.

How you get anyone to do that when people scan the environment looking for an opportunity to signal their cultural virtue is completely beyond me though. Sorry, op. It sounds awful.

Ignore them. From a UK perspective it's a very Brighton/London/BBC attitude that doesn't reflect what most people in the UK would think/say.

I'm surprised an Aussie came up with this as I like to think of you as our more sensible cousins! Do what you feel is right, OP

Maybe ask them why they think it's ok to mis-attribute your ethnic identity if they want to play woke bingo.

How mean of them.
I also feel unsure about the boundaries around cultural appropriation. At the extreme it’s obviously inappropriate but things like wearing prints that are traditional in other cultures, - is that offensive? My DD2 loves bold pattern so I bought her a tunic top back from Zimbabwe made from fabric with a traditional local pattern. She isn’t dressed up “as a Zimbabwean woman” but she is wearing a Zimbabwean print. I don’t think that’s appropriation but maybe others would disagree.

The concept of cultural appropriation shouldn't apply to people just going about their own business. I think these people who "called you out" need to get a life or a hobby or something.

Your Chinese neighbour generously shared her culture with you. You didnt appropriate it, it was a gift.

I think the appropriate response might be, 'my kind Chinese friend didn't think it was cultural appropriation when she arranged my hair but I'm sure she'll be glad to hear that you know better'.

It's lucky to put clothes on inside out, but very unlucky change them to the right way out.

Doesn't everyone know these things!

I'm ethnic Chinese. I would think you love Asian culature wearing hairsticks. I wouldn't think cultural appropriation at all.

Ok. I realise I am coming at this as someone with zero experience of either your medical condition OP or of cultures you could be perceived to be appropriating. Therefore I am prepared to have a new one ripped for me if I have got this wrong but I am trying to get it right.

My understanding is that in order for something to be cultural appropriation you would either be profiting or gaining something at another expense? Which it doesn't feel like you are?

All of this aside OP I am glad your condition is getting better.

I assume these comments were all from non Chinese people??
A suitable reply might be that perhaps they’d like to take it up with your Chinese neighbour who’s the one who encouraged you to wear them, unless they want to appropriate your Chinese neighbour’s right to have an opinion as well??!!

Yes, I thought you'd have to be exploiting a benefit to be cultural apporiation. Someone who loves anime and dresses up like a Japanese school girl is not cultural appropriation to me.

Well they went a bit ott over covid restrictions so I am not really surprised on this!

Oh no, I bought myself a hair stick recently because my friend does her hair in a bun with a pencil and I thought it looked really cool but wanted something longer. I didn’t realise I might get in trouble.
(Actually there is zero chance of anyone caring. I live in rural Yorkshire.)