Not to go to this hen night ?

[setteesorange]

My friend and I have been friends for 10 years.
One of her good friends is getting married,I go on nights with her ,meals etc but wouldn't do anything just us two.
Anyway this girl invited me on her hen night-which is just day drinks really.
She's also having a weekend away that my friend has been invited too (I haven't been invited to this one )
I knew nothing about it and said yes to the day drinks (thinking my friend would be there )
My friend has now said she won't be doing the day drinks as they are going away.
Aibu to just say now I'm not going?
I don't know anyone and me and her friend only speak when we are all out together

A similar thread came up the other day. You can do whatever you want to and you don’t need to explain yourself.

I'd just say something came up and apologies you aren't able to make it any more.

Alternatively just go, you might have fun and might be someone else in the group who doesn't know anyone either and you might have a great time!

This is such an obvious thing to say that really doesn't need to be pointed out.

The OP has asked for some advise as she obviously doesn't want to let the bride down but doesn't feel uncomfortable going on her own.

Sure, but I have seen many women overly apologise when they don’t want to do something, and other posters even trying to “help” by carefully crafting essay-length messages to try to wriggle out of an invitation. Just say “I cannot come”.

Do what you want but YABU

You're an adult. YABU if you can't attend an event without a safety blanket

I think it's fine to pull out. It's just day drinks so its not like rooms have been booked etc. How much notice are you giving?

It's the hen of a friend of a friend, and the friend in question won't be attending? So basically, your making up the numbers, don't give it head room and just make your excuses and decline the invitation.,

If you aren't close then I don't expect she'll even think twice at you saying you're not going

I wouldn’t fancy it either, OP.

But I think if you’ve accepted an invitation to an event and then decide you no longer want to attend, giving a short explanation as to why you’ll no longer be attending is the normal well-adjusted thing to do.

MN advice of ‘you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone’ explains a lot about the ‘I don’t have any friends’ threads you see so often on MN.

OP didn't say she doesn't have any friends, she's just not friends with people who are at the hen party as the hen isn't a friend either!

Just tell her you can no longer make it OP, in the nicest possible way she's probably not going to notice if you're not there as you're not friends

The OP states she has friends. It's duff advice from other people that makes me wonder if they have any actual real life friends.

I have friends and I would go myself. I would turn up to the opening of an envelope, especially if there was a drink in it. I’m just saying a “I can’t come” will suffice. People can smell bullshit anyway, they know there’s not a crisis that means you can’t come.

I would only go if it was close by - a "drop in for a quick drink" type thing. But otherwise no, I don't think I would fancy spending a day with people I don't really know.

Really? People would actually just say 'i can't come [to your hen party]?' with no further explanation after formerly accepting? I don't believe that.

YANBU. If it was in my town and just daytime drinks I might call in for one or two to wish her well if I didn't have plans. You have known each other years but I wouldn't fancy a full day of it particularly.

Obviously you're not obligated. As you've already said yes, I think it'll be tactful to make a brief excuse though. Even if it's just 'I'm so sorry, I mixed up my dates'.

It's a city around a hour away
So I will need two trains to get there also

The OP doesn't say she has known the 'hen' for years, just that she's a friend of a friend. OP accepted on the understanding that the mutual friend would be going but she's not, I'd just say that you were under the impression that friend was going and now she isn't, you'll leave it as you won't know anyone

Ok, she didn't say that, I misread.

I really wouldn't say that. However long you've known each other, she's invited you. You'd be saying 'i only accepted for mutual friend's company. I'm not interested/comfortable in just yours'. Fine if having MF there was the reason you accepted but quite rude to say it outright.

These threads often turn into 'bald truth at any cost' Vs 'be tactful'. I suspect the 'bald truthers' aren't anything like as stark in real life. OP, your question was AIBU to duck out? The answer is no. I am on the 'be tactful' side of the fence without making up anything elaborate but you word things as you see fit.