Startling to discipline at 10 months?

[Yesso]

DS has hit 10 months and has very suddenly stopped feeling like a baby. He’s on the move now, my husband and I are in disagreement about when to start ‘disciplining’ him.

For instance he kneels against a cabinet with glass doors and bangs on it, likewise with any mirrors in the house. I feel we should be moving him away and saying ‘no’ in a stern voice. My husband is happy to let him do it and stands behind him in case he falls.

Am I crazy to think eventually the penny will drop if I keep saying no and he will stop doing it? Husband thinks he is way too young, but if we don’t start now when do we start?

You're both wrong. You need to move him away, distract him and keep him out of danger.

Allowing him to hurt himself repeatedly is neglect. Disciplining him also makes no sense as he can't comprehend it at this age.

Babies don't know anything until we teach them or they discover themselves. I would approach it the same as weaning...if something is hot then you repeatedly use the word 'hot' when they are eating warm food and they will learn the association. It's the same with danger...if he's entering danger you can start using words like 'come away' or 'move back' or 'musnt touch'.

When they hit around 2 and they actively do things they know they shouldn't, then you can start the firm raised voices

At that age (baby proofing aside), I'd say 'no thank you' in a fairly firm voice to behaviour that I wanted to deter and then redirect / distract. They soon get to know what 'no' means. Just have to be consistent (that's the most exhausting part imo).

‘Hot’ is really only going to make sense to a baby once they have burnt themselves and you say it at the same time. It’s fairly abstract and meaningless otherwise.

I did the same as you. Firm no, move away and distract. Ime they understand no pretty quickly, they don't always listen but it is a process.

You "babyproof" a house to give small children a safe space to begin to explore the world. You don't train 10 month old babies like they're a naughty dog.

Definitely baby proof the house.

Then you move them away from anything that can't be moved away from them.

But not 'discipline' at that age, no.

Would you be ok with him having a glass cabinet in the baby room at nursery? I'm thinking not. Time to baby proof everything!

Tots of that age won’t explode into a thousand pieces if you say the word no. Jeez some of the insufferable preciousness on this thread… 🙄

But equally op - get the dangerous breakable glass stuff out of the way of your bumbling, curious, stumble monkey. If they’re banging on it now, they’ll be using hard toys and lobbing shit at it next.

This.

I'm a bit concerned you are using the word 'discipline' for such a young baby. The word is inappropriate for a baby of 10 months, and he is a baby even if you don't see him that way.

Please block off the glass that he has access to, or remove e the panels and replace them with something sturdy.

At 10mo, control the environment not the child. So that might mean moving the cabinet (or anything which could hurt him/he could damage) to another room he's not typically in unless you're very closely supervising.

If it's something that needs to stay in the front room e.g. a TV, a radiator, blocking access might work or just redirecting his attention to something more interesting.

Radiators IME don't get hot enough to burn them if they touch it momentarily, but you do need to be careful if they are in the cruising phase because if they grab onto the radiator to pull up on, or they pull up on e.g. a sofa that is directly next to the radiator, or fall over into the radiator, they might not physically be able to move away fast enough if they are leaning all their weight on it. So watch out for this and either block or be ready to intercept if this is happening.

You can of course move them away from things and say no/hot/ouch/dangerous/not yours (whatever feels right for you) but I think there isn't a realistic expectation that they will actually internalise this for a while yet - closer to 4 years. You'll need to supervise them around breakable or hazardous things and be very ready to intervene until then. Most children are mostly reliable by 3 or so in a mostly childproof environment, but I still wouldn't trust them totally 100% of the time. And at 10 months it's totally control the environment which means adult supervision and babyproofing. You can explain etc but it's just training for you, they don't really learn anything from that until they are 2+ ish.

My 2.5yo is getting there with understanding what things are allowed and not but he treats it like a game at the moment so the moment your back is turned he'll try to do it if he thinks he can. But in general he is a lot more reliable than he was at 1yo and I don't mind letting him play out of sight (at home) as long as he is in earshot and it's a safe room e.g. bedroom, living room. Not bathroom, kitchen, adult's bedroom etc.

Tbf to the OP she put ‘discipline’ in inverted commas. What she really meant is setting boundaries about what is OK and what isn’t. She’s not talking about putting him on the naughty step.

A mobile 10-12 month old is probably on the cusp of toddlerhood. If the OP says he seems different then he probably is on that cusp.

Very well put.

Our son banged his hands on a glass door and his hand went through it. Twenty years later he still has a big scar on his hands. Clearly you need to stop him doing anything dangerous. Glass and toddlers don’t mix.

You have at least good year or so before you start anything near disciplining!

baby proof, distract, or remove until then.

In terms of this though:

For example, he kneels against a cabinet with glass doors and bangs on it, likewise with any mirrors in the house. I feel we should be moving him away and saying ‘no’ in a stern voice. My husband is happy to let him do it and stands behind him in case he falls.

I think this is probably a difference in risk perception?

I haven't stopped my DC banging on the mirrored doors of our wardrobes because I think they are unlikely to break. Mirror tiles in the bathroom are more precarious as they are attached with double sided sticky tape ( this is DH's idea of DIY) and I don't let them bang on them. The TV screen is more delicate and I don't want them banging on it. So for these two we would say no and move them away. They don't have unsupervised access to the bathroom anyway.

A glass cabinet, maybe more of a hazard and I might move it or try to dissuade them.

I don't really understand what the falling thing is about. For stuff like climbing up on tables where they might fall, I've done a mixture of let them do it and spot them in case they fall, and take them down because it's not appropriate right now. The 5yo and 15yo don't climb on tables, so they must have either exhausted any desire to climb on tables, or they have internalised the rule that it's not socially acceptable to do that. The 2.5yo will sometimes climb on tables but I am not worried about him falling off and he does this much less often than he tried to do it at 1yo. If we're at home and he's not getting in anyone's way - whatever. If we were somewhere else or it's causing a problem (e.g. there is stuff on the table) - not allowed.

Dude you should be baby proofing and providing your DS with sufficient Yes- space. Not ‘discipline’ 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't really understand what the falling thing is about.

I’m guessing overcaution in a newly mobile/standing baby from a first time parent.

This.

The penny won't drop because he can't understand the concept of "no". Redirect him on every ocassion to a safe space and give eye contact, smile, attention. Each time he goes to glass just silently without eye contact move him and make the positive interactions. You will reinforce positive behaviours. Drawing lots of attention, negative or otherwise just creates a draw and reinforces it's a rewarding behaviour.

Well sure but then why reference falling in relation to glass cabinets and mirrors specifically? The worry isn't falling in that case, is it? The worry is the glass.

If you're hovering at all cruising (e.g. sofa, coffee table) then fine, but that's a separate issue IMO to whether or not an item is safe for a baby to pull up on/bash on.

So if you disagree about whether it's safe or not that's one issue.

If you both agree that it's unsafe but you differ in terms of "we need to teach him not to do it" vs "we need to make sure he's safe around it" that's a different issue.

You might have both disagreements of course which is why I'm confused.

My 2nd dc is 15 months. She will blow and wave if I tell her something is hot (from food to radiators). She will say "no, no" and wave her finger at the fridge (but then sometimes give into temptation and have a wee hoke until I lift her).

I have said no to danger things from she started moving. She understands quite a bit I think, buy that does not mean she pays attention. Sometimes I say no, (always with redirection) and she just chucks stuff and squeals at me. Or actually just roars at me. Hey ho, she is learning, sometimes reluctantly 😂

Thank you, I don’t if I see him actually climbing. But (luckily I guess?) mine likes to announce he’s about to climb because he knows I’ll pick him up to stop him, it’s a funny game to him. He’s nearly three so coming out of the toddler stage now.

Remove any mirrors / glass from toddler height.

he is welding the house needs baby proofing. Some banging is ok because that’s how they learn. However nothing that potentially dangerous should even be within his grasp.