My best mate is better than me

[Deepdivesueandyou]

I've been best friends with becky for about 10 years, i love her, her husband is lovely to me and her 2 kids are great to around.
I work for a small grass roots charity, she is high earner as is her husband.
She often suggests where I should go/do way beyond my means, it makes me feel like the she thinks less of me because I can't afford- and don't want, the high life.
Should i tell her I'm happy as I am?
We have different values when it comes to lifestyle, she has posh holidays, i go camping - she tryst to encourage me to to her standard- i just can't afford it.
Makes me feel like the poor relation.

Well she's not very considerate or sensitive is she!

Just tell her that you are happy as you are.

She is lovely, but I feel like she's trying to better me somehow

If she's your friend and you like her and she likes you, just give her a reality check!! 'you do you' seems to fit the bill here.

If she's your best friend, then have a conversation with her and say you can't afford x, y or z. She won't care where she meets you or what you do. Just meet up for a walk or have a night in with wine and snacks.

I have , I just think she only has her standards and doesn't get mine

You need to be honest. It’s the only way a friendship can last if you’ve got different budgets and expectations.

that sounds wonderful, but to be honest it’s out of my budget. How about x?

she’s probably got other friends to go to fancy places with. if you’re a good friend, she’ll be happy to spend time with you on your terms.

Oh this does happen, its the feeling that she thinks I could do better (earn more and have nice things)

Life's too short for this. Bin her off.
I don't think a real friend would make you feel this way.

I've had many friends who tried to bring me down since I was young and I feel better now that don't see much of them.
Sad but true!
You sound lovely and can make other friends who wouldn't do all this comparison stuff. She's not worth it.

She doesn't expect posh nights, just the air of privilege I guess

If she makes you feel bad about yourself, is she a friend worth having?

Can you give an example? Is she inviting you places you can't afford? Or giving you career advice?

I think this is your perception rather than her action
But if you feel she is demeaning you, stop being friends with money and find friends in the same situation as you

With my best friend it’s the other way round. I have lots of money because -have always worked hard etc, and live in London she has chosen easier job/part time/benefits and stayed in our home town.
We never talk about money, but we do things that she is comfortable with -ie I go to visit her, take wine, we walk on the beach or go to Wetherspoons/cafe local to her etc
We have chosen different lifestyles but talk about lots of things and laugh non stop

Why would encouraging you to spend money you don’t have ‘better’ you?

Bit does she have the air of privilege, or do you just think that?

It is easy for other posters to rubbish her and say dump her or whatever and of course she could be acting superior but we don't know her equally she could be perfectly normal and you are the one that has issues to work through

It is so easy on here to hear one side and automatically say something bad about someone none of us has ever met, it doesn't take many brain cells to just go along with 'they are being terrible'

Yes, tell her you're happy as you are. And, more importantly, BE happy as you are. Her life isn't the be and end all.

If she’s not expecting or pressuring you to spend more than you want to or can afford, then really, it sounds like the issue is just a chip on your shoulder. I think it would be a shame to let jealousy ruin a friendship.

What do you actually mean? How do these conversations go?

Oof everyone knows a Becky don't they 😆

Genuinely though, I have a friend like this, but the thing was that she really didn't understand where my budget lay. She has no idea what I earn, obviously (why would she) but knows it's a lot less than she does.

We started off in the situation you describe - let's go to this Michelin starred restaurant, let's go on a city break costing thousands etc. I could do some of the suggestions but not others, then once I just said look I think X will always be out of my budget to be honest.

Then she went the other way, she either offered to pay for absolutely everything (which I'm not comfortable with!) or just didn't suggest things that cost any money at all 😆

Now either one of us might suggest meeting up, but she just leaves it to me to decide what we're doing. Easiest option!

She is not better than you, she just has more money.

Have more self belief xx

When i was at uni , and poor, i had a friend who would always talk money... when she knew i was skint..she asked me to help count her money once and she started to try counting her money...into my hand!! Very strange. So i ditched her. She was trying to make me feel less than. I didnt. She just made herself look like a dick. Im also now on more money than her...in your face! 🤣. Seriously, id never flaunt my wealth to anyone...if someone couldn't afford what i do...id do what they do...job done. Shes no friend to be so inconsiderate.

Is she actually trying to make you feel crap about yourself or are her suggestions/advice limited by her circumstances(wealthy, high flyer/achiever).

Why would encouraging you to spend money you don’t have ‘better’ you?

Is she encouraging you to spend money or to adopt a different lifestyle, maybe one more like hers?

Maybe you could earn more and have nice things. Do you think you can't?
It sounds like you feel insecure about yourself rather than your friend is being unkind.

What constitutes an expensive night/trip? Are you talking about fancy restaurants or two weeks in the Bahamas? Are you sure of her motives for suggesting posh places to go? Perhaps she is not trying to be flashy, perhaps she just wants a nice kid-free place to catch up.

What is an example of her "air of privilege"?