DD’s godmother (my sister) only gave £15 for her 21st

[ScarletWitchM]

Not to sound massively ungrateful for any gift - but it was my DD’s 21st birthday yesterday and she is not at all spoilt so she was not as bothered as me… but her Aunt (my DSIS) & Godmother only gave her a cheap card and £15 as her gift.
Godmother (my DSIS) is not hard up at all & used to be really close to DD when she was little but she moved away a few years ago and has had less contact with us all since then.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate her gesture, but it feels really thoughtless and tight, but AIBU as it’s irked me?!

Did you tell her when she agreed to be a godmother that high value gifts were expected? Or did you just assume that she would know?

21st birthday is nothing special for a lot of people these days - 18 is the big one. A card and £15 as a gift might not be the most generous gift ever but it's certainly not something that you're entitled to be pissed off about.

Hopefully your dd is more grateful and less grabby than you are! Your dsis wasn't under obligation to give your dd anything at all!!

It sounds very much like you “don’t appreciate the gesture” as you are stamping your foot.

If your daughter is not bothered, it’s not something to have a hissy fit about. You come across poorly.

Is your dd ungrateful or just you?

What do you do for her children? Did she maybe get something more for her 18th? 21 is a bit irrelevant really.
My nephews and nieces all got 50 for their 16ths and 100 for 18ths. I don’t send anything for 21.

£15 sounds fine from someone she rarely sees.

I'm planning on stopping presents for my godchildren and niblings at 18. I know 21 is big for some but a lot of people don't particularly celebrate it. £15 for an adult is basically the same as "I'm buying you a drink". So I don't really see this as a problem. However If your family has a history if going all out for 21st then it is a bit crappy.

If you don't want the £15 I'd be glad of it!

Honestly at the moment your sister is coming across way better than you in this scenario.

I thought most godparents stop at 18 so interested by other opinions

My aunts stop giving presents at 18

I think YABU. Money is ultimately meaningless so bickering about the cost of a card (perhaps she would have sent £10 if it was a more expensive card?) and amount doesn’t equate to what she feels.

The first five words in your OP are clearly a lie.

21 isn’t generally a big birthday to a lot of people (I don’t think?) and I see nothing wrong with £15 in a card. I think my aunt and godmother gave me a bottle of wine for mine.

How much does she give for other presents? Does she have children of her own? If not, she may think fifteen pounds was generous.

Is 21st still a big deal now? I don't know anyone who marks this occasion these days as it was back then.

Same as others, presents from non-immediate family stop at 18 in my family, it just gets unsustainable otherwise. With £15 she can buy herself a couple of celebratory drinks, it’s a nice gesture.

My two DDs got nothing from my SIL/Godmother for their 18ths just a card. Sent late as she’s making a statement as 2 years ago I sent her adult DDs birthday card a few days late so since then all birthday cards for my DC have arrived late, it’s so petty.

You’re ungrateful

…you really don’t appreciate the gesture though, do you? ‘cos here you are, on mumsnet, cheesed off about it.

I have quite a couple of takes on this. Firstly I have one niece and no children of my own, I spent many years putting thought into (what I hopefully think are) lovely gifts. I have not had a single thank you from my niece or sister, and my sister and I were definitely brought up to write thank you letters since we were able to write. When my niece was 16 I bought a very nice birthstone necklace and this finally provoked a thank you text from my sister but still nothing from niece. I notice and it stings, I would actually say 20 years on that this is the only time I was ever thanked. I have spent a life time buying presents for my sister and my niece as separate individuals but I only ever get a shared card never mind present even though my niece is now mid 30s, so my first thought is to wonder whether you have been taking her for granted for the past twenty years and she is simply fed up with it?

My other thought is maybe she is short of money right now?

Ungrateful cow. 🙄

Your sister doesn't owe your family anything.
You sound very entitled and grabby.

Going against the grain here I don't think yabu at all, I thought 21sts were still a big deal, I don't have any nieces or nephews but in my dhs family it's usually around 50 euro for a 21st, sometimes more if its a godchild, we're in Ireland though so maybe it's different here, £15 seems really mean to me

£15 is plenty!
We stopped gifts after 18 for cousins/nephews/nieces.
For 21 they might get a £10 or a mug/glass with 21 on and their card will say "Happy 21st".

What would irk me way more is someone posting on a public forum that their child was "only" given £15. Here is a grip for you....

£15 is a shit present from a godparent.

My own godparents never ever sent me Christmas or birthday cards / presents. They were incredibly well off. I don’t know why they agreed yo be my godparents as they didn’t add anything to my life or up bringing.