Need help to say no to volunteer leader

[6amistooearly]

I volunteer weekly at a youth club. Since the beginning of this year it has been decided that we will hold monthly events for people outside of the youth club to come along to, in addition to our normal programme the other 3 weeks of the month. I wasn't involved in this decision, I was informed of it later. This additional event requires preparation such as setting up beforehand, having a team of volunteers to welcome people as they arrive, volunteers to serve tea and coffee to guests afterwards.

My mental health isn't the best at the moment. I have been on medication for 3.5 years and I go to counselling. I started a new job a couple of weeks ago and I have other stress going on in my life too, so I feel a bit overwhelmed/at capacity.

I therefore emailed the youth club coordinator (who is also a volunteer) about six weeks ago to let them know that I can't do anything additional to help out with volunteering beyond what I'm already doing. This was prompted by them asking me if I could take responsibility for the welcome team for the monthly events. Even though it wasn't a huge responsibility, I recognised I didn't have the capacity to do it at the moment. They didn't reply to my email - I think they are just very laid back and probably didn't feel it necessitated a response. Leading the welcome team wasn't mentioned to me again, so presumably they received my email.

This weekend after the normal weekly youth club session, the coordinator asked me (in front of other volunteers) if I could help with tea and coffee at the next monthly event. I felt pressure because of the other people listening and also I feel like the coordinator doesn't fully understand where I'm coming from with the mental health/capacity side of things, so I agreed. But I really don't want to do this and I feel like my boundaries have been ignored - in my email I said I couldn't do anything extra beyond the usual weekly youth club.

So I need to go back to the coordinator and tell them I can't do this - help! I generally have a good relationship with them but I don't feel they hear me and I'm beginning to feel a little bit resentful. I find it difficult to say no

This must be so frustrating for you.
Definitely send another email, saying you thought it through and you can't do it. Explain that although these things may seem easy, not much bother or commitment, you really are at capacity and remind them that you have outside commitments and please do not ask me to do extra things until I have said I feel ready. You need this boundary in place to protect your mental health.
Hopefully they will listen, if they don't it may be worth telling them that if they can't respect your boundaries you will have to temporarily step back from all responsibilities. Stay firm. Good luck

Say what you said here. You don't have capacity to offer beyond what you do on a regular basis and would rather not be asked again, as respect for your time you do give.

If they keep asking, sadly might have to be firm and state you're considering whether it's the right volunteering position for you if boundaries can't be respected

Just email and say “ah have checked diary and I am not actually available that evening. Sorry not to be able to help. As I mentioned I have a lot on with my new job and I’m not going to be able to help with these monthly events.”

Then practise in front of the mirror what you will say if the co-ordinator asks you again “as I’ve said before I can’t take on any additional commitment.”

And have no guilt about this whatsoever. I’ve had a similar experience, right down to the MH issues and feeling completely unheard. There are always people for whom something is their “thing” and they just do not get that it is not the only thing in your life. They are a kind of CF who will take and take and take unless and until you say no, so you have to. Loudly. They’ll then just move on to someone they can pressure more easily.

Very frustrating, forward your original email to them, this will show you have given plenty of notice.

you have reviewed the time you have spare for voluntary work and as per the email below you do not want to add additional hours to the time you already give.

they don’t need to know why, just that you don’t want to give anymore free time away.

I wouldn't be surprised if they had deliberately asked you to help out in front of others, as a way of pressuring you to take on extra commitments. That's a well known manipulative leadership tactic!

You know that they read their emails, so send them another email. Say that you will not be assisting with the refreshments, and pointing out that you had already told them you would not be taking on any extra duties.

If you feel that you struggle to be assertive, maybe look for a self help book or an on line course to give you some hints?

Good luck and definitely don’t feel pressured into it. You’re already doing a great thing by volunteering as is.

Say that as you’ve put in writing and said you are able to volunteer to do your weekly youth club duties. You understand that they are looking for more roles and duties to be filled and you hope that they will quickly find the volunteers. Wish them well and that you’ll see them at your usual times.

Send one email to the Volunteer leader stating clearly that you cannot and will not be available to do more than you are currently volunteering to do. You didn't appreciate being asked when you were at the event recently if you could do something more while you were there as that put you in a difficult position where you didn't feel that you could decline but you really are unable to do more than you're already doing.
You would appreciate it if Volunteer leader could advise the other volunteers of this situation (without needing to divulge any personal information, just that you don't want to be approached and asked to do more when you're there).

If this is too difficult for them to do, just say that you will be left with no option but to withdraw from volunteering for them for the time being.

Ask them to acknowledge your email by reply.

No one would think any less of you while you have so much going on if you were to focus on you and getting yourself back on an even keel and giving yourself a break.

Sometimes I think once you start volunteering, the people around you see it more like a job and why can't you do X or Y as you're already doing A or B anyway. It's not always that straightforward.

Best of luck to you.