PhD later in life

[littlealex2021]

Hi All,

I often feel very unsupported in my bid to gain a PhD. I am one year into the three year process now and I'm being told its a luxury and other slightly unpleasant things.

I was the main breadwinner for a number of years, although my DW has always been a major and sometimes the main breadwinner too, just maybe somewhat less than I have been. I know that I am likely to become main breadwinner again after gaining my qualification but while I am doing this full-time PhD, the paid work I do on top of this only brings in about 2 to 2.5k a month (less in Jan, Feb, March). This covers the mortgage and what I term 'my bills' (the ones directly under my name which includes multiple family ones, as well as some other family bills and pays for at least 2/3 of annual holiday costs. My DW earns around 4 to 5k after tax although this can be more or less at times.

Its true to say I am doing this highly vocational PhD partially for myself and for the learning challenge etc but it is also with the knowledge that it will be worth a lot in the marketplace. I feel the arrangements I have made to keep a substantial contribution to the family income coming in during this process is enough to allow me to just get on with the PhD and for my DW to back me up. She has incurred a large debt recently which I know is on her mind but I really don';t want to drop a years work because of something that we can actually manage and get through...

AIBU?

I don't see the problem with it if you are financially ok currently and it's likely to increase your income going forward. You still have a decent combined income even during your PhD.

You say "she" incurred a large debt. Do you have shared finances?

The bills are 'shared' with me taking on the largest bill (mortgage) plus lots of other smaller things. Its not from a joint account or anything but we did work out several months ago that each of our mandatory outgoings are about equal at around 1.5 to 2k a month...I should point out that I am now 53, hence the 'PhD later in life' title...

In what way do you feel unsupported? Do you mean emotionally? eg she doesn’t understand the stress you are under? Can you elaborate?

OP I experienced exactly the same. Despite continuing to work and keep up family responsibilities DH constantly made me feel I was doing my PhD on a whim, to indulge myself. Like you, my PhD was in my vocational area so it wasn’t that I had decided to research my hobby. Also, my idea was to use it to further my career. Of course I loved it, you can’t do a PhD unless you really love and are obsessed with the topic.

Anyway, after several hiccups and interruptions due to illness and bereavements I finally finished at the age of 60. And sure enough it has got me into a job that will boost my earnings in my last few years of working before retirement. I think DH is now proud of me and pleased I did it. I feel good that I stuck to it and showed him I meant what I said. It’s hard to forgive his lack of support before though.

If anyone reading this knows an older person doing a PhD please try not to dismiss it as an indulgence. It is incredibly hard work and all phds add to the sum of knowledge, which contributes to everyone. Also, many people would have loved to have done one when they were younger, but couldn’t. In my case I was looking after a disabled parent until my 30s, then my children as DH was working 24/7. There is no correct age to do one.