To go through CMS or not? (UK)

[chrislt]

Looking for some advice.

Baby dad earns around 45,000 base pay and commission on top. He took home about 40k in January. (We are no longer together after he discarded me upon finding out I was pregnant - relationshit was a shambles).

He told me £700p/m for CS is too much and he will pay £500p/m until our son goes to nursery, then he will pay £700 (nursery fees will come to around £1000p/m).

He hasn't contributed anything so far apart from going half on a pram. He told me I need to handle my business as a single mum and I am not entitled to his money, although he has stated that I knew I was gonna be a single mum, but he wont be 'totally out of the picture'. He is highly narcissistic, immature and hot and cold amongst other things. I am currently on silent treatment after I called him out on his behaviour and manipulations.

I am thinking to just go through the CMS for the full amount, which would be around 1k p/m or the maximum threshold. What do you ladies reckon? I know it's fair but I can't help but feel selfish for doing so.

Dickhead. Depends what you think he'll do. Can he go self employed or hide his earnings? If its likely he can hide what he gets then £500/£700 a month is more than the £7 a week you'd get then and is more than most would get. If he can't then make the bastard pay the legal minimum. Even if would work out equivalent then at least its mandated and he can't screw you around.

You're not selfish for going through CMA it's money your child is entitled to and also you'll have peace of mind knowing it's coming in

Why would you not go through CMS?

He has threatened to go self employed and pay himself 1£, however I kept the screenshots of all of those conversations. We also work at the same company so I know how our pays work, I doubt he will be able to pull that one. I know his business names, his salary, his workplace, where he lives, his tax issues (and lack of paying them) etc.

I would CMS tbh. He doesn't sound reliable. You would never know when he will suddenly stop, or most likely hold it against you as a method of control. Stop it if you annoy him, give bits of money when you do what he says ect.

Because of the amount he would have to pay out to me. Its around 1k. I feel its excessive but at the same time, thats not my problem. He has already called me a golddigger and blocked me when I mentioned going through cms. I guess my conscience weighs heavy. He really guilted me for it.

The problem is it actually doesn’t matter what screenshots you have, or what inside info about the company you have, if he genuinely does go self employed then all CMS go off is his declared earnings. My friend had exactly this with her baby’s dad, screenshots of him saying he would do exactly this, evidence of him on holiday in Dubai, driving around in a brand new Merc, wearing designer clothes, knew everything about his employer and salary etc including some evidence but all CMS do is go off what is declared and you can report to HMRC to look into but that also has no impact on CMS. So she gets £7 a week.

If I was you I’d weigh up how likely it is for him to actually go self employed or if it’s more an empty threat before you decide.

Is her ex my baby dad? He was also off driving lamborghinis in Dubai recently and is off to Thailand next month!! Everything designer.
He has never actually followed through with any threat he has given me so far.
Also, although he has a 'business', he doesnt actually have a business. He is just registered on companies house. He earns too much where we are to even think about going self employed I believe.
But yes, this is definitely something for me to think about...I hope your friend continues to fight. Thanks for your advice x

Bless you, it’s horrendous isn’t it!! She has done absolutely everything she can, even at a cost to herself, only for CMS to say nothing they can do other than go off of his declared earnings! It’s an absolute joke what “dad’s” can get away with, imagine if us mums could just up and decide one day that actually we’ll just pay £x a month towards our child and oh by the way we’ll only have them 1 night a fortnight as well!🥲

Just make sure you make the best decision for you and baby, of course you deserve the full amount, but if there’s a real chance that it could be £500 or £7 I would take the £500 as unfair as that is. X

Cms is the only way, he will sways have an excuse so best to just cut him out of what the decision is and let them lead it

It is truly horrific. More than happy to lay down a make a baby but then cant handle any of the responsibility! I'm on silent treatment because I kept the baby, although he wants his surname, he wants to have him etc yet has not contributed, doesnt ask about him, caused me a mental breakdown to the point I was in hospital for 3 days...and is jetting off around the wirld now as if nothing has happened. Unreal. I will call cms and see how it all works but I appreciate your advice. Xxx

What makes you think you'll get 1k a month

Are you sure he should be paying 1k a month?? Even on a salary of 100k annually and no overnights he would not pay that much.

I have already put his earnings through the cms calculator. The amount it gives me is between 800-1200k per month depending how often he has our son

@chrislt what did you decide on the end? Those figures are definitely wrong you would not get £1000. You would get closer to around £450 per month. I'm probably too late but I wouldn't of rocked the boat if he pays on time and has a "business"

Don’t give the baby his surname or name him on the birth certificate. Make your future life so much easier!

Honestly the chance of him standing by his word and actually paying what he says he will is very low; I'd presume he won't. Nothing to lose by going through CMS, even if he goes to all of the effort of going self employed to avoid paying it, that would prove he had no intention of paying a penny doesn't it.

Do it - and report his “business”, company names, etc ahead of time.

Unless you go through CMS you will be perpetually in negotiation which is exhausting with these narc types.

And please stop with the guilt narrative, I can assure you he feels absolutely nothing like guilt, he sounds like a hollow shell of a man so just do it. Focus on you and your lovely DC.

Hw much are you getting?

You can accept his proposal for now, and if he fails to make a payment or gives less than agreed - send him a warning. If it happens again, I would apply to CMS.

I would rather have less through the child maintenance service than more IF And when he deemed Fit to pay.
Don’t let him load this shit over you let them make the decisions and then you can always push back to them if and when he huffs and puffs which is almost inevitable/ guaranteed.