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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

teenagers alcohol and parties

20 replies

anastasia74 · 27/03/2008 10:47

Yesterday my dd 17 -brought college friends around for the day. 2 boys and 3 girls. Whilst me and dh were at work. then at teatime when we came in they went up to her bedroom, then ordered takeway and then nipped out to supermarket for alcohol and drank and played music etc etc for the rest of the night finishing at about 10.30. My dh was very uncomfortable all night. not being used to this sort of thing. Problem is they have been round at there mates houses doing the same thing every night this week. last night being our turn. am i being unreasonable wanting to nip in the bud.advice please

OP posts:

SmugColditz · 27/03/2008 10:49

She'll do it somewhere else if you don't allow it at home. She is old enough to get married herself - it's a bit late to be 'nipping it in the bud'. She'll assume you're being silly, and (sorry) she'd be right.

PenelopePitstops · 27/03/2008 10:50

shes 17, its normal tbh

are you wanting to nip the drinking or the partying in the bud?

PenelopePitstops · 27/03/2008 10:51

colditz, right about her doing it somewhere else

at least at home you can monitor it even if it makes you uncomfortable

LilRedWG · 27/03/2008 10:52

God - I wish I'd flet secure enough with my parents to feel able to do this. You should be pleased that she's letting you know what she's doing (all of which is perfectly normal for a 17 year old).

poshwellies · 27/03/2008 10:53

Better in your house than down the local park or getting ratted underage in some grot hole of a pub/nightclub as we used to,while lying to parents on our whereabouts..

Don't think its a great problem,unless its a daily thing or shes getting plastered.

Disenchanted · 27/03/2008 10:54

I'd rather my daughter be safe in her home drinking, with me downstairs than her being pissed out of her head god knows where. In a park or dodgy part of town.

TBH drinks, pizza, friends, music all in her bedroom and over by 10:30 sounds like a perfectly subtle night for a 17 year old!

CoteDAzur · 27/03/2008 11:01

Every night is not normal. I would be OK with once/twice a week.

It is not a bad idea to instill a sense of moderation in her at this age. Try, anyway.

totalmisfit · 27/03/2008 11:02

my parents came down on me like a ton of bricks about drinking when i was 17. and yes i jsut stayed out at the houses of friends with more lenient parents and gave my folks heart attacks with not knowing where i was etc...

fluffyanimal · 27/03/2008 11:06

It's presumably still school holidays where you are (and she's still in education)? So long as she's back to more sober (in every sense of the word) behaviour when she goes back to school/college, I would not worry. Agree with the others about it being better that she's doing it at home with your knowledge.

bozza · 27/03/2008 11:26

Every night seems a bit much. Where are they getting the money from? I can't afford to have take-away and drink every night? Other than that I think I really agree with what others have said.

posieflump · 27/03/2008 11:29

Think it should only be on a Friday or Saturday night.
Don't they need ID to buy drink nowadays?

cory · 27/03/2008 11:33

Slightly dissenting voice, here. I think as a parent you have a right to decide what you feel comfortable with in your own house. For instance, my parents felt very uncomfortable about alcohol in general and teenagers drinking in particular; I think it would have been totally wrong for me to force them to change their habits for my sake.

If your dh doesn't like this, I don't see why he should have to put up with it. What your 17 yo does outside the house is, quite frankly, her responsibility. A 17yo is no baby. She is very nearly an adult.

Original poster

anastasia74 · 27/03/2008 11:59

thanks for your comments, I think the problem is that my dh and I both went out to pub at her age to do our drinking, and never brought mates home to lark about etc.so this is new teritary I know they cant do that yet (go to the pub), and that is a good thing. but all her mates parents seem to be pretty ok with anything. which makes us feel like we are being unreasonable, just want a bit of consideration when we have been out at work all day.only having one dd feel a bit under seige at the moment. we ourselves dont entertain in the house very much we have always gone out to dinner and drink etc. so would be happier for this socialising to happen at the weekend, but i suppose only another week of school holidays, so light at the end of the tunnel.

OP posts:

TheHedgeWitch · 27/03/2008 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pukka · 27/03/2008 12:30

i think the drinking every night business is not on.
nothing wrong with the partying, assuming they werent all having an orgy up there. but drinking excessively needs to be discussed

fluffyanimal · 27/03/2008 12:30

Also, having a take-away and a drink and playing music upstairs in your bedroom is hardly a party IME.

amidaiwish · 27/03/2008 12:32

well when you say "drinking" how much? a couple of drinks each or bottles and bottles?
Is she drunk? Are they falling out of the place? Are they playing music really loudly and bothering you?

Would you feel happier if they were in the sitting room rather than her bedroom?

suedonim · 27/03/2008 13:51

Even in the holidays I think drinking every night is a bit excessive - and having had three teenagers so far myself, I have a bit of experieince. And it is, of course, illegal for under 18's to be buying alcohol anyway, maybe you should inform the supermarket they are breaking the law.

missingtheaction · 27/03/2008 13:59

it sounds as though your issue is really about your house being unexpectedly invaded by a crowd of noisy messy strangers when you want a quiet night in? if so, then the issue is abotu considerate use of shared space and a deal with DD seems reasonable - no more than one night a week, or when you can have a liein in the morning, and advance warning and so forth.

It sounds as if you are quite realistic about the drinking and socialising!

chenin · 27/03/2008 14:34

anastasia... personally I think it is grin and bear it. I have teens and TBH I like the fact that they feel comfortable enough to bring friends round for a night in. The house is rejuvenated when they come round and they can be such fun.

The only time I have a problem with it, is when they wake me on a week night when I have to be up early next day. But 10.30pm sounds very reasonable to me. However, I always make mine clear up any mess... one squashed crisp or dirty plate and it doesn't happen. All too soon, they fly the nest and for my part, I will miss the loud music and laughter....

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