Cheap engagement ring? Would you be bothered?

[hacky]

This is pure curiosity as I've been thinking about this for a few weeks!

I was so shocked when a friend ten years into marriage decided her engagement ring wasn't expensive enough she went out and bought a solitaire ring that was eye watering expensive as a replacement without consulting her husband. Then she bought an eternity ring. Thought that the marriage was doomed then.

I was right.

Completely agree with you on the dress vs ring thing@AnneLovesGilbert!

DP and I agreed to get married and he wanted us to go ring shopping. I told him I wasn’t fussed about an engagement ring and would rather put the money into the house we were buying. He surprised me with a beautiful (and completely unnecessary 🙄😂) ring because he felt like it was tradition. It was a couple of thousand (I only know because I added it to insurance).

We get married this spring (very small low key wedding) and chose to buy quality rings over dress/suit etc that will be on for 20 mins 😅

Granted it was a long time ago, but my engagement ring cost £17.50. It was a very fine sterling silver solitaire with a tiny 2mm diamond. Even in 1980 it was very cheap compared with the rings my friends had, but it was the ring I wanted and I still wear it now.

I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment about the dress. I didn’t have a traditional wedding because, personally, I couldn’t justify the expense even though I could’ve afforded it.

There was a thread on MN a while ago where people photographed their engagement rings and posted them. You couldn’t honestly tell how much any of them were - they all looked much of a muchness. The only ring I ever saw that I liked was a colleague who had a single large solitaire diamond - it would probably cost around £20-30k in today’s money. It sparkled and was very classy.

Me and my DH have never had money and I certainly wouldn’t have settled for something mediocre in my finger every day so I never got one. Just a simple wedding band. My DH is the biggest diamond I ever had and that will do for me!

I rented a dress in 1977. How ahead was I recycling wise.

It's the sentiment that counts not the cost. My engagement ring was £225, it was a stone that I loved, not a diamond. I loved it because (now XH) he put real thought into buying something I would like and more importantly, didn't get into debt buying it.

It's quite shallow to insist that an engagement ring has to be a massive expensive diamond.

It's about context , so how much did it cost, and do you like it?

I don't like wearing rings and find the thought of having something very valuable on my person at all times very stressful, so my preference is for no ring, or failing that something quite cheap without stones.

I can see why if you are a jewellery person, you would want something you really like to wear everyday. I don't generally like the look of expensive rings, but I did once meet an elderly woman with an incredibly beautiful, unusual ring, and she told me about how her husband designed it for her and the symbolism of each aspect of the design and how it related to how they first met and the early stages of their relationship, and that was so special. I suspect the ring was also expensive, but it wasn't the size of the jewels or the amount of money spent that made it so lovely.

I have an expensive engagement ring and a cheap wedding ring that compliments it perfectly. DH proposed with a plastic ring from a cracker and then we chose the engagement ring together and I treasure that ring too.

My expensive ring is beautiful and was affordable for us, I think I’d have been disappointed if he just didn’t want to spend any money on it. I love the other two rings equally though but each for different reasons.

Yes I would be bothered.
If partner earned a decent salary , had expendible income then purchased a cheap ring it would make me feel unimportant.
If however they were really poor and had no expenidible income then a token ring would be fine.
So as much as the debeers campaign of a months salary was advertising it kinda puts a proportionality to it.
Rich and cheap ring is a big no
Poor and inexpensive ring-acceptable.
Cheap ring but buying themsleves expensive bikes, cars , holidays etc not OK.

I was financially stable and a good earner

He saved up and delayed buying himself treats to get it for me, which I think is a lovely way to start a marriage.

I think it’s nice for a man so spend a significant part of his budget on such an important gift for his future wife

As a good earner what did you get him for an important gift and lovely start to the marriage?

I have no engagement ring.
Never really thought about it.
But I bought myself a ring.
Not related to my marriage.

More context needed. If they were loaded and bought a cheap ring then yes I'd probably be a bit put out!

depends entirely on finances and priorities

someone with a lease for a £50,000 car, who will rush out to buy the newest PlayStation and always has cash for the pub buying you a silver costume ring from Pandora….nope

it’s a love token you are supposed to wear FOR life

is he going to grow the baby?

Context is everything - I wouldn't want a man who was too tight to buy me a decent ring but spending thousands on his own hobbies. If he was genuinely skint, I wouldn't care about having an expensive ring!

I love jewellery though and a wedding/engagement ring is meant to last your whole life and potentially be passed down to dc, so I think it's important to have a ring which won't break and that you live enough to wear for the rest of your life.

It all depends.

At this point in time and relationship. I would be bothered. I know the ring I want and I'm happy to pay for it. If my partner insists on being the ring and he would be buying a significantly cheaper ring than the knew I want and he can easily afford it. I'd be bothered.

Similarly whenever this comes up it is often the man spending tons of money for himself and then buying a ring to their partner that is a fraction of the value if the PS5 he just bought. Or he has postponed the proposal for years to save up and then it is £20 ring from amazon and she should be grateful.

But if it is a flippant my dream ring is £25k and the cheap ass got me a £15k ring then that's different. Or all you can genuinely afford is £15 and that's the ring and there has not been big talk.

My male friend did a romantic proposal with an expensive ring for his first fiance. Unfortunately the engagement ended and he met another girl who we became friends with.

His proposal to the second girl was far less romantic and with a cheaper ring.

The second girl was disappointed especially as she knew the effort he'd gone to for the first girl's proposal. But we pacified her with the sorts of comments seen on here, that the money didn't matter and it was about the marriage.

However, it seems the proposal/ring was an important sign as he continued to be thoughtless and stingy in the marriage. So, I do think it matters.

An engagement ring is one that you're, theoretically, going to wear daily for the rest of your life. So what's really important is that you love it. So from that perspective, cost is less relevant.

However, having said that, for a start, a piece of jewellery you'll wear daily for 50 years or so is far more likely to last and still be loved if it's something more classic, which tends to be more expensive. Also, as a rule, the more you can afford, the more choice and selection you have so, if a man can afford a £2000 ring but he only wants to spend £500, yes, I would be disappointed. But if he can only afford £500, I would search to find something I love.

Nah, wouldn't bother me. Well I guess it depends what you call 'cheap'? As someone on this thread said their rings was 'inexpensive' at £750 (I think). That's not megabucks, but I wouldn't exactly call it 'cheap' either.

So I guess for me, if it's in the hundreds - fine. I don't like diamonds and don't like typical 'wedding' jewellery, dainty, princessy, 'timeless'/'elegant' (boring). I'm leaning more into statement/gothic side of things and I've seen plenty of stuff I'd like for less than a 1000.

My DH bought my engagement ring from a catalogue and it was part of my Christmas gift. He's nothing if not practical. He must have got something right we've been married 42 years next week. Unfortunately due to arthritis I can no longer wear either my engagement or wedding ring so he bought me a stainless steel ring which I love because of what it symbolises.

I didn't need anything flash, but I did want something that would last a lifetime of everyday wear, so platinum and diamond rather than silver and CZ or mossanite. Platinum is cheaper than 18ct white gold at the moment.

I think it’s nice for a man so spend a significant part of his budget on such an important gift for his future wife, provided he can afford it.

Not everyone cares about expensive jewellery or gifts. Personally, I would rather a "significant part of our budget" went on something practical and necessary.

These threads are always so sanctimonious. I’ve got a bloody great rock and I love it. I bought him a watch to mark the occasion.

We picked my engagement ring together after DH used his late mum's eternity band to initially propose with.

My ring was only £130 but it's a 1920s delicate Art Deco diamond cluster and it's totally me. My wedding ring is modern and was the only one I could find that I liked alongside my engagement ring and it only cost £60. DH has a Sterling silver Celtic design wedding ring that was also only around £60.

The cost doesn't matter to me, it doesn't make us more or less married than someone else, but having something that you like is the important part. For some people it'll be cheaper, some people it'll be expensive. There's no right or wrong answer for the cost.

Adding a photo of my rings, I have quite small hands and slim fingers so anything bigger would just be too much for me. I also now wear MIL's ring on my right hand.