Sheree Spencer prison boss footage....

[Noangelbuthavingfun]

Beating and abusing her husband...for years...shown on BBC1 this morning... omg I know this happens mostly where males abuse females. But this was hard to watch and what's more concerning even is this type of mentality of effectively a police officer / prison boss. I'm shocked ... I had another thread on about the police before and it derailed and went into a rabbit hole... I'm not sure what my AIBU is here but it was just awful and she only got 4 years ?? Is this right for domestic violence ? Seems very light to me !

On the BBC they reported it as a prison boss... perhaps sensationalising again from media, but the fact stands its horrific and hopefully it helps some people coming forward

Not police...just quoting the BBC wording and also the Telegraph! Was drawing a comparison. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/03/15/nanny-cam-footage-sheree-spencer-abused-husband-c5-show/

Right. So not in the police, nor the prison service, glad we cleared that up.

Woman who works in office abuses husband.

There was a programme on about it last night on channel 5. Very distressing to watch.

Whats so shocking about this? Why all the outrage?

As other poster said, some people are bad people. Its just another story about DV. just because female on male DV doesnt amke the news most of the time, its there, people/society just dont talk about it or recognise it. But its not shocking that it happens because people can be horrible to others, its a human trait unfortunately.

Why did you say she "only" got 4 years?

Men who beat their wives get much, much smaller sentences. They come in and out of prison like the proverbial and break their licence habitually because their desire to harass and hurt their spouse or former spouse is stronger than the deterrent of returning to prison. She will likely have attracted the maximum or near maximum sentence because she was in a position of authority and trust and hence should've known better.

Same way that men who rape and kill women get a 15-20 year minimum tariff but Couzens got a whole life sentence as he was in a position of trust/should've known better etc etc

The courts like to make an example of people where possible.

Yes the media had not just exaggerated they've made that up. She was a project manager for Ministry of Justice and had worked on a prison reform project. At most she's probably a Grade 6 in civil service rankings, can't see she'd be a senior civil service grade. And clearly not a 'prison boss'.

As for the documentary, yes shocking, especially when you see her really beating him & calling him awful names right in front of the kids, both old enough to know what's going on. They'll be scarred for life.

However I tend to agree the only reason it got made is that he is a man. Even if a woman had that sort of footage I doubt it would end up as a documentary as DV against women is too common to attract attention.

What position of 'trust and authority' was she in?

I feel the same. I'm a female, was in an abusive relationship over a decade ago and only recently went to the police and reported it. I think Richard has shown real bravery in sharing his experience so publicly. Abuse isn't ok, one sex doesn't trump the other in this (although totally acknowledge that this is something women are unfortunately much more likely to experience). Surely anything that means people feel more able to leave or report is a positive?

I wonder in this case it's the evidence that he had that likely led to the documentary, much like the recent Channel 4 doc about Fawziyah Javed who was murdered by her husband on Arthur's Seat. It was watching this programme about her that ultimately prompted me to report my abuser.

My father is married to my mother (I'm nc) and has been married for 53 years

I'm the eldest,3 brothers,last two are twins

I've just watched the doc,and it was like watching my parents

She gaslights,controls him,wont let him do his hobbies,scared off all his mates,hits him,plays us (well not me anymore) off against him and each other,screams at him-all sober (she rarely has a drink)

She's damaged a lot and shaped mine and my siblings lives-one brother is married to her clone and another treats his girlfriends exactly as she does

He would swear blind there is no abuse at all-hes a happily married man who loves his wife

She tells everyone he's a 'hard man to be married too' (and 'I'm a Saint to put up with him')

She happily egged on my ex who was the same as she is (I couldn't see any red flags as they where normal to me)

It happens to both sexes-and it shouldn't but it seems if it happens to a woman,that's not such a big deal but everyone's up in arms if it happens to a man

It needs to stop for everyone and much harder punishments for the abusers and protection for victims

I remember the police dumping my ex off at the bus stop (just round the corner) and told to go home

He'd wait for them to drive off and come back round-what was the point of phoning the police?

They did nothing-I was just a single mum,not worth protecting

Writing as a man who was on the receiving end of emotional and psychological abuse for many years ... I eventually left, and was lucky enough to be in a position to do so ... but 6 years on, I still struggle with how a woman who is generally loved by all who meet her could be so horrible to me in private, and so manipulative. I'm an intelligent, educated and (now ) retired man, and I wouldn't hurt a fly. I guess the OP story makes the news because it is unusual. But my experience shows me it is perfectly possible for damaging abuse to happen right under everyone's noses. We still live in the same town, and are civil to each other if we bump into each other ... but I struggled psychologically, drank heavily for a while after I left, but now am sober, happy, positive, and moving forward with everything. My point is that there is very little support for a man who finds himself in this position ... well, perhaps there is a growing network of support possibilities, but there wasn't really anything there when I needed it.

Exactly. Victims are victims. To try to diminish what happened to him because of his gender is abhorrent.

I’d wager if she was fat, poor and unattractive it wouldn’t have made a peep in the media 🤷‍♀️

Ridiculous.

Actually I think 4 year for a first sentence is absolutely shocking! Just like the first woman convicted of coercion & controlling behaviour got 7 year!

I've never know a man get more than a suspended sentence/community service & fined unless they go on to kill their partner.
It took me 18 years to be free of my abuser & 3 restraining orders breached before they finally locked him up.

The problem is not that she got a sentence that was too long, it was that the men's sentences are too short. Nothing 'shocking' about a four year sentence for that crime.

@LovelyTheresa well I disagree until I see men getting lengthy sentences for first offences (never mind repeat offenders, nearly always MEN) then I'll see things differently until then women are 2nd class citizens.

What do you call lengthy?

Agree!

But remember women had to set up their own spaces for domestic violence spaces, men could do the same.

Yes, I understand that, and thankfully there are signs of that kind of thing beginning ... though personally I'm out of that situation, I offer support where I can to guys going through a hard time. I'm still a little traumatised by it, if I'm honest, but generally I'm doing well now, and offer a shoulder for others to lean/cry on.
Thanks for the comment though, you're quite right 🙂
(btw, your forum name made me 😂)

Gender (the contrast of his big size vs him being an emotionally broken sitting duck resigned to his fate) certainly has a shock/curiosity factor, but it's also because she was very beautiful, white, blonde and innocent looking, from an apparently leafy suburb with a big house and Jaguar.

There's a reason the documentary and media are running all the old, beautiful pics of her in her 20s, not her mugshot now.

If she was a toothless old fat hag on benefits in a poor region, I really doubt anyone would care even if she literally murdered her husband. Unless he was a really handsome blonde young man tragically murdered by his fat old hag wife – people are really superficial!

Lucy Letby, Eleanor Williams, etc... The charming, pretty, manipulative sweet girl outside (police officers said she could sell ice to Eskimos, with how she played the victim) vs psycho inside (I mean, she took a shit ON his head) story sells – even for men, I believe.

Also, if a female had that quantity of graphic footage (and especially set in a well-off setting), I can see a documentary being made too.

I've seen some comments on the DV court process that said it's actually very rare a case succeeds even if you have evidence of injuries. Most DV cases don't have any actually watertight proof.

The police officer was saying this case is different from all the other cases bc there's actually all the video recordings over years (which he must have backed up to a cloud somewhere).

It was truly horrific and disturbing to watch. In front of those poor babies as well 😭
It's actually broken my heart. I hope he and his children find happiness now she's behind bars.

I've just watched the documentary, it was a harrowing to watch. I'm a DV victim, it wasn't mainly physical abuse, but psychological with me, gaslighting, telling me I was losing my mind, I had imagined what he said, until the end when he raped me when our then 6 year old ds was asleep in the next bedroom, not 6 feet away. He carried on gaslighting me after we left, saying the men in grey suits were going to turn up at work & march me out & that I would be sent to prison for breaking the official secrets act (I was a civil servant for HMRC) I was terrified every day at work that every time someone opened the office door it would be the men in grey suits that would impound my desk & march me out in front of everyone. I couldn't concentrate on my work, I was making stupid mistakes that before I would never make, I used to sit shaking so much I couldn't hit the right key on the computer. I ended up going off sick & never worked again. I reported the rape to the police two months after it happened, he wasn't charged, I honestly think he played the sympathy card by going to the doctors & getting a letter that said he couldn't get an erection due to his MS so couldn't have raped me. I had to sit next to him in the family courts & hand ds over to him for access, when he went I used to close the door & start throwing up. I still have panic attacks & nightmares 14 years later.

The sentencing for domestic abuse is a joke, the bar for charging is set too high by the CPS, they don't understand how harrowing it is to sit in a rape suite & have to go through what happened over & over again, have every bit of your life taken apart & then you are left to rebuild it afterwards with the knowledge it was for nothing. They don't know the courage you have to find to report it in the first place. The day you are told that the case won't be taken to court, you are abandoned by the police, no support, it's like being dumped in the bin & forgotten about.

I can understand that he feels let down by the system, the system doesn't support victims.

Her brother is in court soon for making threats & offering him £100k to drop the case, he will probably get longer in prison than she did.

Absolutely - the children!! And i cannot find the answer to this question “will she be permitted to see her children unsupervised?” There is no possible way she should even see them ever again.