To have said no

12 replies

Shortiieex3 · 18/03/2024 08:27

Although this happened a while ago it still plays on my mind and I need to hear what others think that aren't close to me as I sometimes feel they would side with me regardless....
I have had 3 children and 1 on the way,
2 DD from a previous relationship
1Ds and 1 on the way in current relationship
DH and I Have spoken about this time and time again,
I lost my 2nd DD to SIDS at 4 days off 11 months old back in 2017 - before DH was around and understandably it was extremely traumatic and very difficult to process. Fast forward to the birth of DS in 22 I was on edge even more than ever before right up until he was 1.
MIL and SIL wanted to have DS for an entire day without me or DH around when he was 5 days off 11 months old was I unreasonable to say no as I didn't feel comfortable with him being away from us at that point?
MIL didn't take kindly to it and said it was as if I was wishing it on DS and that was the final straw, I haven't spoken to them since...

OP posts:

Hannahoo · 18/03/2024 08:30

If they can't appreciate the difficult position you were in and the worry, then they've done you a favour being out of your lives.

PlumbersWifey · 18/03/2024 08:32

You are the least unreasonable person on here. As in, you are not unreasonable at all. Your MIL was very rude and extremely insensitive.

MrsPeannut · 18/03/2024 08:34

I am so sorry for your loss.

You are not at all unreasonable. They, on the other hand, are simply cruel and selfish.

antwacky · 18/03/2024 08:34

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't ever imagine how awful that must be. I definitely think that yanbu. Your MIL sounds quite callous, shame she can't show some empathy and be more supportive.
All the best

Candleabra · 18/03/2024 08:34

She actually said you were wishing SIDS on your DS? Wow, what a bitch. Of course you’re not unreasonable. What did your husband say? Wasn’t he furious too?

ohdamnitjanet · 18/03/2024 08:35

Good riddance to MIL.
What is it with these people who demand access to a baby? Who the fuck do they think they are?

Original poster

Shortiieex3 · 18/03/2024 08:38

Candleabra · 18/03/2024 08:34

She actually said you were wishing SIDS on your DS? Wow, what a bitch. Of course you’re not unreasonable. What did your husband say? Wasn’t he furious too?

DH stood by me and has no contact with them either, which is entirely his choice. they don't even know about the one on the way but also DH wasn't around when DD passed but he could see how difficult it was for me and he was just as much on edge as me as DS is his first bio child x

OP posts:

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/03/2024 08:38

I'm so sorry you lost your child. 💔

Your MIL is so cruel and unreasonable that I wouldn't want anything to do with her.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 18/03/2024 08:40

You were not even a tiny bit unreasonable. Even without the history of your 2nd dd. I really don’t understand the obsession some people have with wanting time with the baby alone, is it because they want to play pretend that they have a baby? That alone would make me say no.

Nevermind31 · 18/03/2024 08:43

You don’t owe your child to anyone who wasn’t involved in the making.
so regardless of the circumstances you were fine to say no.
mil’s reaction though… i think you were right not to leave your child with such a self centred, cruel person.

CaramelMac · 18/03/2024 10:31

Your child isn’t a toy to be lent out to anyone who wants a go. I wouldn’t have left my children with anyone at that age regardless.

LakeTiticaca · 18/03/2024 11:57

Absolutely not unreasonable. I remember only too well as a young mother, imagining losing a baby to sids. I still shudder when I hear anything about it.
Disgusting comment from MIL and I don't think I could ever again give house room to someone who said that, given the circumstances . Glad that your DP has your back x

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