I've been in a relationship officially for 4 months with a man who is separated. We'd been friends for a long time but lost touch when he met his STBX wife and I met my previous partner - neither of our partners were very happy with us being in touch with each other as they felt threatened by how close we were, so we sort of came to a mutual decision to ease off on the friendship and just message a few times a year to check up...eventually that just fizzled out.
I split with my last partner early last year and not long afterwards, he separated from his wife. We happened to bump into each other in town one day last summer, ended up going for a coffee and chatted away like we hadn't ever lost touch.
I learnt that he'd initiated a divorce a couple of months prior and that his relationship hadn't been the most successful; after they had got married a few years ago the relationship declined with COVID, being together 24/7, health issues etc just bringing them down and towards the end the affection and communication had died. This is exactly what happened with me and my partner, although mine wasnt due to COVID; my ex partner stopped speaking to me civilly a long time before that :(
We started dating. I was wary due to my past relationship and he understood, was sensitive and didn't push me, etc. I have a child and have kept it relatively separate from them so far; they are a teenager so know I'm dating but haven't met him yet apart from seeing him outside in the car picking me up a couple of times.
Although he was understanding at first, it was hard seeing him more than once a week due to our jobs, my home life, and also I have poor mental health so I tended to swing from wanting to see him one week, to not wanting to see him the next. I'd always be honest about how I was feeling and he seemed to understand, but his ex wife also played a factor in my hesitance...
He told me before we started dating that since they split, his STBXW has been messaging him pretty much daily, long messages that stress him out.
He's shown me some of them and sometimes she's asking for another chance, then she has a go at him saying things like he was controlling, caused her 'severe mental health condition that almost killed me' (he used to go over to the property to carry out jobs in preparation for selling it and one night while he was there, she told him that she'd taken an overdose and he spent the evening sorting her out, getting her to hospital and contacting her family).
She's contacted me sporadically (how she found my number I don't know) slating me as apparently she's convinced herself I was seeing him before they split - we weren't - she's even contacted my ex partner accusing us of cheating which obviously then landed me in trouble with my ex.
I've suggested over and over that he stops replying to her messages unless they're about the divorce, stop going round to the house and get people in to mow the lawn or the other jobs he's been doing, as when he's there she either begs him to try again or has a go at him the entire time about what a shit person he is.
He then ends up stressed and upset but maintains he wants to stay amicable to avoid dragging the divorce through court (all been done privately/through mediators so far, although I think a solicitor has recently been brought in).
The last time his STBXW contacted me was around a month ago and she sounded so distressed that I phoned her to explain my side of things.
She ended up telling me that my boyfriend is controlling, her friends weren't happy about how he was treating her, that he's been leading her to believe that he wanted to try again the whole time we've been together, that he told her we haven't slept together or even kissed (I do know he'd been keeping that from her up until recently). I was so upset that I decided to end things with him.
Yesterday, I found out that after that phonecall, he told her we had split and it's all her fault. She was delighted and told him I'm toxic and he should stay clear, she'd be "disappointed" if he got back with me.
I also found out that last week, he'd gone in her car to their mediation meeting (despite the fact he'd told me he was going to distance himself from her) and on the way home, she'd laid into him with the emotional stuff again, bringing up the phonecall from last month and saying how upset he was. He says he tried to ignore her but she kept asking how often he'd seen me and he admitted he hadn't seen me for a week by that point, and that I see my ex on a regular basis. Apparently he told her that my ex comes round almost daily (which is true, as I don't drive so he helps me out with shopping etc a few times a week, we've also been for coffee a few times but I always tell my boyfriend about this) and she responded that it's toxic and he should end things with me.
That evening, he had sent me a message saying that although he believes me and my ex aren't having a sexual relationship, it's "clearly still a relationship" and he needs to move on to avoid getting hurt.
I immediately spoke to my ex and told him that our contact is causing issues in my new relationship so we need to ease back on the contact out of respect for my boyfriend. My ex agreed and we haven't spoken since.
So when I found out about what he'd said to his ex, I was hurt. I feel really betrayed and we got into a long conversation about it all, he sent me screenshots of some of the conversations with his ex and in my opinion he replies to her crazy messages far too often, much to politely and it almost looks like he's encouraging her contact.
Anyway last night, I ended things with him. His response was to send her a long message explaining that I'm his number one priority and he'll be blocking her from now on, yada yada. He sent me the screenshot and also one of her being blocked.
He wants another chance with me and I'm really not sure. It's all such a drama for a 4 month long relationship and he's lied to me about the level of contact he had with his ex, whereas although I've been in touch with mine and we're still friends, I've always told my boyfriend about it and been totally honest.
However - he's blocked her now.
So do give him another chance now he's realised his mistake and acted on it?
Sorry this ended up so long, I did try to edit it down a bit!