Allowances for very physical job?

[Giraffe888]

A conversation with my friend at the weekend resulted in a difference of opinion so I thought I’d ask the question here!

Family of 4, mum dad and 2 children (5&2)

mum works 4 days solely from home

Dad works 5 days in a VERY physically demanding job. Works 14 hour days which also includes approx 4 hours of driving each day (8 hours of very physical job). Doesn’t particularly enjoy the job but is doing it to provide for nice days out etc for the family.

would you make allowances for the man not doing as many household jobs and being exhausted often? Still a very hands on Dad and helps out with what he can.

Yes I would .

Similar position here - DH works a very physically demanding job 4 days a week. I work from home 4 days a week.

I do 90% of household chores, and 100% of life admin but only because I'm better at it.

It works for us!

Yes I would.

My DH isn't in a physical job but is regularly out of the house for 14 - 15 hours (90 min round trip commute included in that) doing a very mentally demanding job. I occasionally have days like that and am utterly drained by them so, at the weekends, if DH wants to collapse on the sofa, he can. I also do most of the chores during the week simply because I'm home by 5 so have five hours before I'm even thinking about going to bed as opposed to DH who often doesn't get home until 9/10 pm.
On the occasional week when things are quieter for him, our lives are totally different! It would be nice if he were home more often but I've realised he enjoys it and, fortunately, it pays well.

Yes I definitely would.

Absolutely yes!
This is not a sustainable work life balance though if he wants to stay healthy.
In this situation I would want a discussion on him reducing his working hours at some point.

I would but as long as he did what he could to at least manage his own stuff so put his own plates in dishwasher, put his own clothes in laundry basket etc. I think there is a bare minimum that an adult should be able to achieve and if they aren't managing that then they need to rethink their life. He shouldn't actively make work for his wife but if she ends up always taking the kids to scouts then that is a reasonable response to the situation.

Yes, for a physically demanding job, and for being out of the house so long...when is he supposed to do the housework exactly?
But is the driving commute? He's not actually working a 14 hrs day, just 8 hrs with a 2hr commute...because that can be changed.

If she is only working 4 days that adjust has been made by them so she does more of the at home stuff....she doesn't get an extra day of "me time" while splitting everything equally.
She could use her day off for herself, to make up for the extra she is picking up through the week

My partner has a physical demanding job bit one that allows him to be home earlier in the evening than me. I work in a more mentally demanding job and am often absolutely shattered in the evenings and also bring work home to do.

He takes on the lions share of housework and admin etc in the week because he's simply better able to manage it mentally.

There has to be give and take.

Yes, I'd expect her to be working the same hours between her job and housework/childcare, then the remainder split. Even then, if her job is less exhausting, it may need to be adjusted further.

If he is driving four hours he needs to be well rested, likewise if he is operating dangerous equipment as part of his job.

I would, even just based on the person who does 4 days having extra time “free” for doing things.

Yes I would but probably short term, I’d be expecting the partner to find a different job which enables them to contribute more equally to the household. I’d be happy to deal with a drop in income too if necessary. Working 4 days a week (whether at home or anywhere else) and doing, say, 90% of the household jobs plus looking after 2 small kids virtually all of the time would be utterly exhausting. Especially if you have a partner lying on the sofa complaining about how tired they are. I’d much rather be the driving physical work parent (TBH I consider a long drive as a bit of a break these days, unless it involves central London).

It’s interesting reading these responses but most are saying the same.

she works 4 days due to childcare so on her ‘free’ day it’s not a day of leisure as she has the youngest.

He doesn’t sit complaining all the time or anything, but it’s clear he’s physically exhausted on an evening and later on in the day on a weekend.

It’s an interesting question because if he wasn’t married then he would have to do his own shopping/washing/cleaning/cooking. I’m sure the single men who do the same job as him manage just fine.

Yes, and when I was working much longer hours than my DH in a job that was mentally rather than physically tiring I expected him to carry more of the domestic load.

Dad must be exhausted, 14 hour days everyday is a lot. I work 22 hour shifts but no one dies more than two in a row.