Stay in village or move?

[Severalwhippets]

Dh has been offered a good opportunity in London and he is considering a move back to the town we lived in as children so he can commute easily.
Both families are still there, as well as childhood friends we stayed in touch with.

We have lived in a quiet village which is quite rural for the last 15yrs happily in Devon. Dc are now at uni, one doing A levels shortly leaving for uni too.

We have lots of friends here and are obviously settled, but we have become steadily bored as dc have turned into teens. It’s become harder to keep teens entertained.

The dilemma is do we move back now? Start a new chapter, closer to London for dc and close to both sides of the family. More of a vibrant life, but likely to be much busier than where we are now.

Or stay here with nice friends but a somewhat limited lifestyle as older adults? I am scared to make a mistake. Dh is lucky to get this job, he will soon be 60 and this is will be his last chance. My job is portable and I can wfh.

I think I am most worried about leaving such a nice network of friends behind and a peaceful life. What are your priorities in your 50s? What do you look for to keep these years happy and interesting? Am I throwing away a good life here?

Dc are happy either way. They always say they are embarrassed to bring friends home because it’s too dull and boring here. They don’t love it here anymore as it’s so quiet. They have friends but seem to gravitate to London or cities now.

We couldn’t afford to run two houses sadly. We live in a really old country cottage and need to move anyway as the cost of trying to keep it going is eye watering now. Either way we need to leave.

But now the decision is to stay or go. If we go we might be able to buy a nicer house as the job is better paid.

Can you rent out your current house and use the money to rent a place near London? That would give you time to decide if you love London and want to make it a permanent move or keep the door open to return to Devon when you retire

There’s would probably be more job opportunities for your DC if you moved but moving when DC are at uni or just about to go is tough on them.

In what way?

Dc tend to enjoy going to London with their friends and not many around here seem to come home for long periods as it is so quiet.

In that case, it does sound like the move could be good for you all, for your children, and for yourselves as you age. You can always go back to holiday with your friends where you live now. It is very scary though, the thought of relocating when you've been somewhere a long time, and this is coming from me who has relocated many times in the past but would find it scary now to.

The move sounds good for all of you. I think it’s a good stage of life to be moving - plenty of time to get settled and make friends, and the kids sound like they’d benefit too.

And if you did decide you’d made a mistake, you can move back / elsewhere.

You should move before you NEED to move and whilst you’re active enough to kindle new friendships.

Personally, I’d find it hard to live anywhere I need to get in a car to buy a loaf of bread or see the doctor,

We are about to move from Norfolk to Devon. I am 51 and all our children have finished Uni and have jobs in or near London. My husband has a new job in Devonport so hence the move. I’m very sad to be leaving my friends, but hopefully I’ll settle in and make new friends. We have no family or friends there, but we can easily walk into town which has all the facilities and that is something we have thought about.

We did this last year. I'm 57, DH is 61. We lived in a lovely village, loads of friends, but felt we were stagnating. We were constantly socialising with the sMe people, having the same conversations, and it was cosy but boring. Plus we were getting very frustrated at having to get in the car every time we wanted to buy anything other than what the village shop sold. So we weighed it all up and decided to move to a town 90 miles away where we didn't know anyone.

We've not changed jobs as we both WFH and I only have to go into the office once a fortnight, DH has to go in once a month, so it's manageable.

We've now been here 15 months. No regrets whatsoever. We're making new friends and enjoying town life. The novelty of being able to walk to the cinema or a restaurant hasn't worn off yet!

It sounds like we are in the sane boat! It is quite daunting. It’s good you are close to a town. Good luck 🙏🏻

Can’t you go for a village near there?

We live on Surrey, Sussex borders. Small town. As we approach retirement it has become a more attractive place to live a train station, an airport, good drs, dentists available, hospital 15 mins drive, fields, pubs, sea about an hour away, London similar. There is a lot to be said for being near services. Friendships can be made - join a club of interest, the women's institute. There is lots out there. Devon sound fab but it sounds like you would need to move eventuality anyway so why not now while DH can stash some cash with the new job. Also just being near elderly parents really reduces stress. You can always return to see friends on holidays.

However I don’t think our kids stand a chance of getting a good job here (it’s all agriculture) or buying a house ever. They will have to move away.

It doesn't sound as if your children would want to return there after university anyway, if they've found it boring for years. If they are likely to gravitate towards London, moving would make it easier for you to see them more regularly.

From what you say I would move. I live living in a village but can see a city from my house and have great public transport so have the best of both worlds.

I have lived in all three places - London, Surrey and Devon - as well as a few other counties. I'm a bit younger and with younger dc so not yet in this position, but personally I'd choose a 'pad' in London or a nice part of Surrey - maybe a nice 2 bed flat with a decent lounge or den so your dc can stay when needed/wanted, and either the family home or a downsized home in Devon in order to afford both. Opens up the best of both worlds - services, supports and family in SE and friendships and lifestyle in SW. Of course all this depends on the numbers adding up...!

If you’re in your 50s/60, your parents will be in their 80s and as you say in need of more care.
Do you really want to move nearby and join up to the ever-increasing responsibilities of TWO sets of parents’ care?
It would sap your energy and potentially stop you creating a new life for yourselves in the area.

Or conversely being in the area means you can pop in on the DPs and provide occasional support if it is needed, without it taking many hours to get there.