To ask how bad would your anxiety have to be before you’d take time off work?

[AnxietyAnni]

I can’t tell if mine is just the usual day to day stresses people deal with or not. I’m ringing the GP tomorrow as want to nip it in the bud but not sure whether time off work would benefit me, so seeking MN advice from those who have been in a similar mind frame and what you did.

I’m newly pregnant after loss and worried about everything. It’s another 10 days or so until I go for a scan. I tell myself I will calm down after then, when I see a heartbeat. I really think I will. But then I know I’ll worry about other things instead. I couldn’t sleep last night and was googling irrational things like ‘does lack of sleep affect embryo in early pregnancy’ and the likes. I know that’s absolutely bonkers, logically, but last night I was so stressed about it. I move too fast or jump down the last stair and then ruminate and worry I’ve jolted or dislodged something.
I’m worrying about DH driving to work, my parents who are going on a long haul holiday, worried about getting ill (have a couple of relatives poorly with serious illnesses).

I have always been a worrier but it feels like it’s got worse and it doesn’t take much to trigger me and then play on my mind for the rest of the day. Some worries I can dismiss the next day - such as the lack of sleep one - but others hang about longer.

I don’t know what taking time off work would achieve. I enjoy my job and it keeps me busy. I’ve not been giving it my 100% all lately and know my focus drifts a lot more than it ever used to which isn’t really fair on my colleagues.

What would you do in this situation?

Anyone?

I was signed off for three months after I had a full nervous collapse. I am now much, much better at spotting the early signs of my anxiety, and I'm better about not 'brushing them off'. I think it's really good you're being proactive early on. Be really honest with your GP, they'll give good advice. It's hard to know if not working will help as work isn't the cause of your stress, but if you're feeling stretched too thin, then a few weeks break might be enough to get you back on track - you could always go back to work if you felt being off was hindering your progress.

Congratulations on your pregnancy ♥️ I remember being pregnant after loss, it truly is hellish, those weeks of panicking at every twinge, dreading every bathroom trip, terrified to look at the loo roll. It's so hard, but try to hang in there, it really does get easier as time progresses, you do start to feel calmer and like you're allowed to enjoy your pregnancy. If you like numbers and you're over 8 weeks, then I obsessively looked at this for the first few months - it comforted me to see the numbers were on my side, and to see the odds improving every day. You've got this!

https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart

I’d continue working. I have clinically diagnosed anxiety and I’m sympathetic towards people with anxiety. However, your worries are long-standing and are about very routine daily things and things which are unlikely to happen, meaning that this won’t stop unless you get treatment to deal with the cause. The last thing you need to be doing is not working and having even more time on your hands to sit about worrying. It’s not a healthy approach. You know it’s not.

I would go to work if I were you. Not because I'm particularly stoical, old fashioned or denialist about mental health problems, but simply because withdrawing from active day-to-day life, routine and relationships is not the best way to deal with anxiety.

If you're not working as well as usual then do you best, and explain the situation to your bosses if you can. I would only take time off if that meant you might make a critical mistake (like if you were a surgeon or something!), or it lack of sleep causes physical health problems that you need time and rest to get over.

I would (and did) go to a GP for treatment before I'd take time off work.

I got drugs, and also a peri-menopause diagnosis and HRT.

My job was just as impossible but I did last another 5 months before I started having dissociative seizures at work due to the stress - at which point I did get signed off and then left.

The only time I’ve been off work was in my first successful pregnancy. It took a long time to get pg, we lost 2 along the way and I was just so unbelievably anxious, I couldn’t function. I was also very sick and the combination was too much. I had 3 weeks off in the end including some planned holiday - got me to the end of my first trimester and then, although I was still very anxious, it did feel slightly more manageable.

I mostly lay on my sofa and watched master chef. I could have carried on working but in the grand scheme of things I’m glad I had the time off.

I would go to work to keep my mind active and not be sitting at home over thinking but I would also call the GP and ask to be referred for some talking therapy.
I'd also speak to my manager to let then know if I was close to them and felt they would be supportive.

I did this (not after a loss) and had a 6 week course of CBT and have felt much more grounded and happy since I did it a year ago Good luck with the pregnancy xx

I have, but only when the physical symptoms of my anxiety prevented me from going in. I took two weeks off to reset

I've had anxiety that sounds at least as bad as yours in the past and I've never taken any time off work personally. I'm not saying you shouldn't but I don't think it would have helped me. My anxiety is worse when I don't have a clear focus, I totally get what you mean about your focus moving back and forth to worries whilst you're working but for me that's still better than not being at work and ruminating all day long. And then I would have worried about the time off work and work on top, whereas most of my jobs have been low stress and been a distraction, not a cause of any anxiety.

But everyone is different so I can see that for some people it would be helpful to have time off, especially if work itself is one of the sources of anxiety. Definitely speak to your GP either way though.

Sorry for your loss and wishing you all the best with your pregnancy.

I also suffered from anxiety during pregnancy and found CBT to be really beneficial so be honest with your gp and discuss your options, you may be able to continue to stay busy while commencing some talking therapy or the like. Good luck and congratulations

I'd continue working because all the evidence suggests that having time off work is the worst possible way to treat anxiety. You need to access whatever medication / therapy you need, but in the meantime keep busy, active, and fitting in activities which don't allow you to ruminate.

I have been in your position of pregnancy after loss and it's hard - it's a lost innocence, and my heart goes out to you and your lost baby. However, if you get signed off work you'll likely to just be worse. You can't keep thinking that you'll be OK after the next milestone, because then the anxiety is likely to transfer to the next milestone, and the next one.

Can you read up on methods to deal with the physical symptoms of your anxiety? You may have already done so, but for example, grounding techniques can help - see graphic. I learned relaxation techniques and I keep a go-to list of things that I know work to distract me, eg deep cleaning something, cycling, practising music.
Sending hugs and .
I had a mc, then healthy children, then 2 more mc, before my final healthy child. You get through it, and the skills you learn will help you be a better mother.

If my anxiety is active I could never manage to work. I don't know how people do. There is no way o could focus on a task or settle into a days work with anxiety.

I have anxiety/depression and being peri don’t help! I ended up taking a prolonged period off work and thankfully it helped me.

*didn’t

I had really difficult anxiety triggered by a specific event and ended up having three weeks off work because I couldn't sleep so I just couldn't function at work. At the moment I'm struggling at work due to some personal curcumstances and work is difficult but I find it beneficial - my manager is really supportive, which makes a massive difference.

I think you should continue working to distract your mind from ruminating. Don’t feed the anxiety by being scared to leave the house.

I've had bouts of bad anxiety, usually triggered by horrible life events like my sister dying suddenly.

I do feel like I handle anxiety better when I have my day to day routine of life, so working is better. The only time I took time off work was when an event there contributed to my anxiety and I just needed a couple of weeks to reset myself.

I'm a strong believer that anxiety like yours needs to be tackled head on. Get medication if you think it'll help, but push through and work through, keeping your routine going rather than sitting at home ruminating.

I take time off if I can no longer do my job. For me, that means finding it impossible to concentrate and no longer accomplishing anything. Obviously if it was just a day or 2 of that then I’d keep on trying to work, but you reach a limit.

@AnxietyAnni this is a really nuanced situation and really only you can answer this. I think it depends on a lot of factors including what your job is. When I found out I was pregnant (after four losses) I tried my best to work. When I got some spotting after 6 weeks I couldn't face going in and having another loss at work. I work in a pretty demanding and high stress job. I ended up signed off sick until 13 weeks. I wasn't ready to share the news with my team and I wasn't in any fit state to be hiding my emotions as well as dealing with the job I do as my mind was completely consumed. I believe I had a full on breakdown as I was (irrationally) terrified of even moving from the sofa, let alone leave the house, for fear of causing harm and couldn't face my husband leaving the house for fear something bad would happen. Contrary to other posters I did find that as I reach various milestones my anxiety shifted and changed and now at 28 weeks it is much better. I have been back at work since 13 weeks and I truly believe that if I hadn't taken that time to focus on my own mental wellbeing and tried to push through I may not be in the position I am in now. I had a good support network around me of people who knew the situation and this really helped, I also got a referral from midwife services for a maternal and neonatal psychology service although by the time the appointment came I was already starting to feel better. So I don't think necessarily being off now in this really early period will lead to it being harder to go back... but only you can truly answer the question. I knew I couldn't give my best to work and was afraid of making a mistake due to my mind being elsewhere so this contributed to my decision to stay away. I hope your drs appointment helps and all I can say is I truly empathise with your situation, pregnancy after loss is a minefield. Thoughts are with you!

OP I had to respond to this thread because I am in the exact same position as you, even down to the early viability scan (mine is 10days away). All I can say is that I am hanging on to this thought: whether this baby makes it or not has already been decided, because the vast majority of miscarriages are down to a tiny genetic flaw which happened at conception. So all I am doing is waiting to find out, and I may as well cherish this pregnancy for as long as it lasts. I don’t know if that will be of any use to you or not, but it helps me when I feel like the bad thoughts are overwhelming me. Right now, we are both pregnant. I’m also really, really distracted at work. I’ve told my boss what’s going on and he’s been very understanding and it’s taken the pressure off a bit.

Hoping things go well for both of us xx

Thanks everyone, these comments have been so helpful x

If you have medical insurance through your employer, or mental health support platform, I would reach out for some counceling. Being constantly worried during pregnancy is not healthy for you or the baby. Good luck x

@AnxietyAnni to put your mind at rest would it be an option to get one of those private heartbeat scans? They're not too expensive usually less than £50 where I am, and might be able to get you in at short notice. If you really truly think it will put your mind at rest xx

I am diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and I can't work, I am currently pregnant and under the care of a mental health consultant and midwife who have been concerned about how high my blood pressure is whenever I go so they had to send someone to my house to do it instead, the point I'm trying to make is severe anxiety is an illness and does have physical consequences so if you need time off work, take it