To be suddenly depressed I likely won't have children

[pickledwillies]

It's not that I don't want children. But I'm 33 and have had long COVID for 3 years which has massively upended my life. I still can't walk/stand for long, and react very badly to stress. Leaving the house is often still a big deal. I can't drive because of it, walk for much more than 20 mins at a time, or have big days out or holidays.

I also don't have a partner. I have tried dating but inevitably, and understandably, it becomes too much for those I date. There'd also always be the fear of a genetic predisposition, and I wouldn't forgive myself for passing something like this on.

I am trying to slowly accept it. Maybe if there's a cure in the next few years, it'd still be possible...but part of me feels like if that happens, maybe I'd just want to focus on living my life instead and making up for lost time? I'm just sad. Wondering if anyone can relate.

My brother, with whom I am very close, and who lives nearby, is expecting a baby soon with his lovely wife. I should be happy about this - I'll get to see the baby all the time, and play a big role in its life hopefully - but I'm just feeling even more down. The odd thing is I was never hugely maternal or broody, but always liked the idea of raising a child.

it could be that you feel you haven’t got the option or choice about having a baby not particularly the fact you want one

difficult to articulate but our family was complete we definitely didn’t want anymore both on the same page I had the snip and it was so strange that we didn’t have the choice but we would of been horrified at the thought of having another child

I can relate a lot to your post. I'm also 33 and have recently been thinking about how it's unlikely children are on the cards for me. I also was never the most broody. I always felt I was open to having children if I met the right person, but I wasn't fixated on the idea of having kids. Yet suddenly I feel really sad to think that I won't have children.

I suppose it's that damn biological clock ticking, which I was always so sure wouldn't affect me but here we are.

Hang in there. There is lots of research being done on postviral autoimmune conditions. I had ME for three years and fully recovered (actually during pregnancy, as pregnancy can be immunosuppressive). I know how you feel but just please try to be optimistic because you never know when you might turn a corner. Wishing you all the luck <3

@theoutsider0 Thanks for your response. It's strange, when you feel the possibility has been removed, there's a kind of grief-like sadness for what could have been.

@KarmaCaramello Thanks for your kind response. I'm so glad you recovered. Was your onset of ME as an adult? I do have hope for recovery, there is lots of new research now into post-viral illness...but then I'd have to find a partner, fall in love, etc etc and by that point it might well be too late! Thank you though <3

Don’t write children and a partner out of your future just yet OP - sometimes things can happen very quickly as well when they’re right, me and my partner got together, fell in love, bought a house, got a dog and fell pregnant with our first child after less than a year of being together, we are still happy and together now with 2 DC 🥰🥰🥰 (and the dog 😊💜) - and okay I was only just 30 when we met and you’re a little older but you’ve still PLENTY of time for kids to happen. And yeah, maybe you won’t end up having kids, that’s a possibility too, but I guess my point is there’s lots of good things that can happen unexpectedly in life, try and keep an open mindset and focus on the positive possibilities you have ahead of you 😊😊💜💜💜

Yes, it's exactly that. I'm trying to think about it logically, that if I've never been desperate to have children, then it's probably for the best. I'm generally against people having children for the sake of it if it's not something they deeply want. Yet I am finding it difficult to reconcile myself with no longer having the option.

Having children is not the be all and end all of life, nor does it make life perfect.
Having a family comes with many problems.
It seems than non mothers think that having children will make everything ok. It won't.
What about all the other things you haven't done in life liked Climbed Mount Everest, been on an African Safari, been on a round the World Cruise. Loads to enjoy in life.
I'd like to be a millionaire but I'm not.

@HappyLittleTreeFriend Aww, that's a lovely message. Happy for you and thank you <3

There's still hope OP - I met my husband at 32.

I'm now 37 and we share 3 children.

I wish you all the best xx