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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I’m finding it hard to cope

9 replies

Xmasvibes · 17/03/2024 14:51

I have a six year old son and a two year old son, I am currently trying to balance starting back up my career and motherhood but I’m finding it so difficult. My two year old has never slept since he was born, he still wakes multiple times through out the night. Often he goes back to sleep but some nights he point blank refuses. On top of my kids I also have a puppy, I’m trying to house train the puppy but i seem to be failing miserably. Im having to constantly carpet clean my carpets due to accidents which has now blown up on me and I haven’t a penny to my name. Im becoming to become really frustrated, I do have a partner he works 5 days a week hours ranging from 10-5. When it comes to cleaning I ask for his help, he moans at me like he’s a teenager and when he does help me he’ll help with the bare minimum. I have mentioned this to him but he swears blind that he does help me and he is the only person who does. But when he does help me to clean he’ll do one thing like hoover the living room and then sit back down and watch his phone when theirs the whole house to still clean.
i will make sure the kitchen is cleaned every night before I go up to bed by the morning he will of made food for the both of us, but he never puts rubbish away that he has used he just leaves it on the floor or the side and spillages he doesn’t wipe up. I have been asking him multiple times to help with jobs around the house and he never does. I honestly feel like I am just talking to my self at this point and I am beyond stressed. Then by night time i am absoutley exhausted and my partner then expects me to have sex with him every single night if I don’t he’ll huff and he’ll puff he will turn away from me, he tells me how sick he is of me and how he’ll find someone who wants to touch him and have sex with him.

im trying my hardest but it feels like every time I try I fail. Any help or advice appreciated

OP posts:
Lifesucksthenyoudie · 17/03/2024 15:47

He sounds like a charmer. My DH is lazy as well re chores but he’s a good man and father. We just got a cleaner to save arguments. Do you love him? He should be picking up the slack.

MummytoAAandX · 17/03/2024 17:30

Don't get me wrong working full time with kids is hard. I have two DSs: 4 and 6 but your issue sounds like you're doing it all on your own. We have a cleaner which helps massively but my DH and I are a really team and both share the load with the kids etc... couldn't do it without him

Xmasvibes · 17/03/2024 17:32

See that is the thing he is a really good dad so I can’t fault him on that, he just lacks in other aspects. A cleaner is something I would actually look into so Thankyou I’ll have a think about that

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 17/03/2024 17:35

I’d get a cleaner and consider getting rid of the puppy. Mopping up accidents on top of no sleep would tip me over the edge.

WafflesOrIceCream · 17/03/2024 17:37

OP get a cleaner as others have said.Also get rid of the puppy.

Kwasi · 17/03/2024 17:40

I don’t mean to sound horrible but what possessed you go get a puppy when you have two young kids? Every dog owner on the planet will tell you a puppy is harder work than a toddler.

I know it’s not for many families but would your two year old not be able to sleep with you when he wakes up? It’s the way most of the world does it.

Merryoldgoat · 17/03/2024 17:43

I’m gonna be that arsehole but why the fuck would you get a puppy in this situation?

You need to rehome the puppy and properly deal with your partner.

Even with a cleaner there is an ambient amount of housework that is unavoidable so he needs to pull his finger out.

I suspect that problems run deeper though - this kind of behaviour likely has been going on forever and only now have you realised how disrespectful he is. It’s for you to work out if it’s worth persevering.

RawBloomers · 17/03/2024 18:01

Return the puppy.
Put your useless, abusive partner on night duty for the toddler since he does nothing else.
Get some sleep.
If you can afford it, get a cleaner.
Start putting money away so you can leave the abusive partner.

There will be lots in between, but you need to stop taking on more than you have capacity for and start valuing yourself a bit more. Your partner is dragging you down.

JustBrowsingTheWeb · 20/08/2024 21:49

my jaw did drop a bit at the huffing and puffing with no sex saying he’ll get someone else 😳

that aside 100% get a cleaner, list other jobs, give him the simple can’t get too wrong ones 🙄.

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