To have a constantly messy home?

[Adhdorlazy]

Name changed and new name sums it up.

my home is a constantly messy…to the level that I rarely invite friends over.

i can go on a massive clean up before visitors, but I dread anyone coming into my home unannounced.

Im a busy single mum, two kids, work full time, often help out elderly parents.

to most people people I look together, well dressed and I’m professional in the office, but my home is chaotic!

im so ashamed of it, but never have the energy to change it. I suspect ADHD, but am I just a lazy bitch?

can I do anything about this? I’m fed up living like a messy student!

Friends do not care if your house is messy. There are some things more important than a tidy home.
As long as it’s messy, rather than dirty, don’t worry about it.

I don't know whether YABU or YANBU but you certainly are not alone.

I just invite people in anyway, it possibly stops us sliding into total mess.

I feel exactly the same. All I want is a clean house. I cannot make it happen unless absolutely have to. Just diagnosed with adhd.

It depends how messy we're talking. I say this as i had to visit someone's house for work and there was not a single inch of space in the kitchen on the units to prepare food or do anything. Piles of rubbish all over the kitchen floor.

@NatMoz its just stuff not put away- lots of paperwork over dining table/ coffee table.

weeks worth of ironing/ clothes hanging up. ironing board sitting out!

i usually always have clean bathroom / kitchen as I find that manageable to do

There is a difference between dirty and messy…. And if messy does not move it may become dirty.
Good friends won’t mind messy - they’ll just acknowledge that their house looks the same.
as long as you move the mess around so you san clean I don’t think it matters…

Set a timer for 8 minutes and see how much of the dining room table you can clear!
Little by little, chores can get done but when you look at the whole room, it can be overwhelming.

Start with the table, sort paperwork in to need to deal with, need to keep, need to throwaway.

Then sort the ironing, put a timer on for 20 minutes, what needs ironing now for this week, what can wait but still be put away because its clean.

I find setting a timer helpful as I know its not much time and challenge myself to see how much I can do in that time.

Also, going forward, you might find team Tomm useful, you don't have pay anything, I'd advise staying away from the fb group as they're kinda batshit crazy, and it's a system that you can adapt to suit your timetable/needs.
https://theorganisedmum.com/about-tom/

I wouldn't bother paying for the app just use the free bits to give yourself a bit of structure.

Also, my biggest tip, put your phone down! 😂

I'm terrible for doom scrolling then moaning at myself that I've done nothing!!

You probably have too much stuff.
I went on a massive decluttering spree and suddenly it was so much easier to put things away rather than down as my drawers and cupboards are only 50-75% full.

For clothes I only have enough for about 10 days without washing so my wardobe and drawers aren't full. I do a wash every day and make sure it's all put away before bedtime.

To keep me on track I watch various youtube videos like The Minimal Mom (inspiring me to minimalism and she does longer videos so I tidy and clean whilst listening). Clutterbug - she has ADHD and has loads of tidying, decluttering and cleaning advice for everyone but especially tips for those with ADHD.

Some people also rate A Slob Comes Clean but Ive never got on with her videos.

I'm not diagnosed with ADHD though have many signs. However my 2 DSes are diagnosed with ADHD and they are reasonably tidy and clean because

a) we have strong routines. E.g. when we come in from school shoes always go on the same place, ditto for their bags and coats.

B) they don't have too much stuff

C) i make them tidy up as they go along so it doesn't get overwhelming. My yougest would naturally leave everything out all the time. But he has admitted that its easier to pu things away a little at a time than wait a week and tidy all toys at once.

take a time slot out
you won't be able to get yourself to clean on command the first time the slot goes by
use the slot to sit down and think about how much better life would be without the slot
and/or delegate chores to the kids

Controlled messy is ok but it would stress me out if the paperwork was chaotic. I'm naturally disorganised but having a filing cabinet where everything important is filed in the correct place is so calming for me.i can still have a pile of 'to be filed/dealt with' papers but essentially I know where everything is. I also like my bathroom and kitchen to be clean.

Have you got too much stuff? Do you feel more comfortable and relaxed if your house is tidy and clean. I do. I'm not neuro diverse but I get a bit twitchy if things are too chaotic. I sometimes wonder if being ADHD is a reason to make sure your house is even tidier and more organised even though it can be harder to achieve. If it genuinely doesn't bother you then that's ok too.

My car can get quite messy and that doesn't bother me at all.

How old are your children ? Set aside one morning at the weekend for housework and everyone pitch in together? If you have the room for a filing cabinet get one. Ours is fantastic and holds all the paperwork for the house and the children. I love it and it keeps everything so neat and tidy and easily findable.
Then have a list of jobs which need done every day. Brush kitchen floor, wipe down worktops, check bathrooms for towels etc.
Try to have a set washing day and get it back in rooms asap. Don’t sit down in the evening until all the daily jobs are done. Have a basket at the bottom of the stairs to collect things to take upstairs. If you have trouble keeping on top of things make a list of daily takes and weekly tasks and tick them off as you go. It can be overwhelming but it doesn’t have to be perfect .
If you have too much stuff/clutter try to sort that first.

I struggle to cope massively with the state of my house so your certainly not alone

Sounds like the reality of having too little time to me, I'm often the same.

I would say it depends on how bad it is. If you’re worried about it I think it’s probably not that bad, as you’re not blind to it. A bit of paperwork lying around is completely normal.

I don't know what the answer is, but you're not alone.

I can't blame children wither as it's just me DH and 1 dog 😕

The thought of someone visiting without at least 1 days notice fills me with dread 😫
We had people to stay last year and got downstairs looking presentable, at the time I said right it's tidy lets keep on top but I just can't 😔

Have half an hour of an evening where you sort the ironing/washing pile and take up to rooms when going upstairs to do something else like sort the kids out

Buy a file box and put any paperwork inside it on the table so at least it's not all over the place.

Get the kids to help with tidying.

Shoes in the right place and coats hung up etc.

Get a cordless hoover. Takes me ten mins not even that to put it round the downstairs of an evening or morning.

Anti bac wipes in the bathroom cupboard and a bottle of bleach so loo and basin can be wiped and loo bleached every morning or evening.

Again wipes for kitchen sideboards

Do dishes as you go or stack dishwasher as you go.

I work full time running and working in my own business and dh works nights and we have dc so I know how hard it is but I find a little every day keeps it tidy and youl feel much better for it