Grandfather passed - time off work

[Devastatedgrandd]

I’ll keep this brief.

Grandad and I were very close.
He passed away on Friday night.
Yesterday was very upsetting.
Today I feel numb and sad.
Some of our family are still on holiday. Get back later today.
Im entitled to 2 days leave, and I’m thinking of taking one day tomorrow so I can be with family.
Is this reasonable considering he passed Friday? From an employer POV?
Im a teacher, so I understand I leave my classes requiring cover, which isn’t ideal.
I’m not sure whether it’s the grief making me more anxious.

YABU - You should go to work
YANBU - It’s ok to take the day off despite the time already passed

Thank you.

It’s absolutely reasonable. I’m a teacher too and I would be sympathetic and understanding if I had to cover for a bereaved colleague. I’m sure you would be understanding in those circumstances if you were the one doing the cover lesson . Please don’t be anxious. You need to be with your family to grieve and support each other.

Of course it’s reasonable. Sorry about your grandad

Thank you for this. I would totally understand if it were someone else, but I have just got really significant anxiety today for some reason and I needed to hear someone say it.
Thank you.

This is one of the realities of working in a school that some don't realise - we might get 13 weeks off but in situations like this our hands are somewhat tied.
In my school grandparents aren't classed as close family and therefore no time is given. After the sudden loss of my parent I was expected in after the weekend.
You take whatever time you need for YOU and carry no guilt. It's just a job, a means for paying bills and you're just a number.
Sending hugs on the loss of your grandad 💐

Thank you. Although my school does allow for some time off, there is immense pressure to get back in, although I’m not sure if I put that on myself. You’re right though about remembering it’s a job. Thank you.

If you need the time ... take it x if your school are unable to give you the time, then visit the doctor and you can be signed off .... grief is so unpredictable and we all know there's not down days in teaching .... if you're in you have to be ok to be for your sake and the childrens xx

My work give no time off, it's awful. I cried at work the day after my grandad died but had to put on a happy face. You should take the time off.

Thank you everyone. My attendance is normally excellent, and my work gives 2 days for loss of grandparents, so I know I can take time off and I shouldn’t feel guilty.
It’s at the back of my mind though that people will class the weekend as those two days and feel I should be able to get on with work now.

I teach secondary and have some tricky classes tomorrow. I know I can’t summon the patience or energy for them that they need.

Also, I only had a few hours sleep Friday night as we were at the hospital until around 3am. I managed a few hours Saturday morning and work up feeling like I’d been hit by a train. Aches all over, chest is sore, voice hoarse, headache. Not sure if it’s the grief or I’m coming down with something. I just know that I’m not prepared for the learners. I’m yet to have a really good cry because I’ve been trying to hold it together for my own child and I don’t want that to come in front of year 9.

Thank you for the kind words and reassurance. I will just give myself Monday. X

Take the time off. Will you need a day off for the funeral too?

Yes, I imagine so. Unless we can get it in the two week Easter Holiday. We are Roman Catholic though, so getting the church at this time of year may be hard.

I get a day for the funeral in addition to the two days compassionate leave.

I honestly can't believe people have votes YABU.

Course you should take tomorrow or as long as you need tbh. Sorry for your loss op.

Thank you. x

The weekend doesn't count. Two days is two working days. I imagine some people may not take them immediately, sometimes it doesn't hit you right away, or you may need them for making funeral arrangements.

If you're entitled to 2 days compassionate leave, you can take those at any time over the weeks following the death. I would think you could take them a couple of days before the funeral if needed.
It's not specific crying time for day 1 & 2 after the bereavement.
The weekend doesn't count, it's your entitlement.

Sorry for your loss

Thinking about why some might vote IABU… I think some people don’t have close relationships with grandparents and so may not understand.

My grandfather lived with my parents. We went on holiday together. I saw him every week, often multiple times a week. He was absolutely hilarious, such a huge character. He died a horrendous death, Mesothelioma, but we struggled to get him the correct care. He had a fall and had been on the hip rehabilitation ward since. They only started end of life care Thursday, despite us begging them to start it earlier. We could see he was in pain and dying. They said he had as much as 6 months. I was back and forth to the hospital nearly every day to be with him and I was with him a few hours before he died, but he waited for me to go home. I realise this may be seen as a drip feed, I don’t mean it to be. I just wanted to talk about him a little.

Thanks again for the condolences. X

Take tomorrow if you feel that you aren't able to work, as everyone is different there's no right or wrong with this. It's also reasonable to take a full day for the funeral plus extra time if you are the one responsible for the arrangements as generally this needs to be done during the working day. Beyond that it is important to remember we are all different so what is perfectly reasonable for one person isn't for another. Dp did work the week after his mum died including going in on two days, for him it was possible to do the admin from work (and I know the ladies in the office were keeping him supplied with tea and tlc when of course I was at work) teaching is difficult because it's full on, you can't hold group calls with your siblings or call florists etc. it's just not the same kind of job.

Take care op

Thinking about why some might vote IABU… I think some people don’t have close relationships with grandparents and so may not understand.

I understand, I've lived with one of my grandparents for six months before, and a sibling is currently living with them. They can be closer than a parent for some people.

I'm sorry your much loved grandad has died. Take the time you need. This is a hard event for you and your family and if you don't feel able to be at work you need to take the time off.

Take the time, I'm a teacher and I totally understand the anxiety of asking for time off. Hopefully your colleagues will support you with lesson cover work etc (if need be). I've found that there's no consideration once you're in work (i.e., lesson quality assurance and blinking book looks still go ahead as if you're fine), so the best thing to do is stay away.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Of course it's reasonable. If grandparents doesn't fit the school's definition ask your GP to sign for off sick

I’m a TA and I lived with my Nan, my work are brilliant, I had a week and 2 days for funeral. My school is very supportive I am lucky compared to others I worked in.

sorry for your loss

I'm a teacher too and think you are totally reasonable to take longer off, hate how the number of days is defined by the relationship. Obviously some people are closer to people that aren't their parents etc.

Teaching is a veeeerrry hard job when you aren't feeling ok, physically or mentally, nowhere to hide and no sympathy once you are there (in my experience). My (young) best friend got diagnosed with breast cancer and I was literally in my classroom crying and the management knew and didn't offer any help, the children were asking me why I was crying, it was awful. Made me think in the future if I am in doubt I won't go in.

Sorry for your loss.