Worried about new boyfriend

[Incognitoergosumlol]

Simply put - he doesn't seem able to climax. I know if I talk to him he will be completely honest but am wondering if I am being unreasonable expecting this. Trying not to be insecure but am struggling - both mid 40's and could do with being fitter (him not me!)
I don't want to initiate a conversation just yet but am wondering if I should just give it time as a new relationship and he is a wonderful man.

I have heard about (topical) products that some men use to numb the relevant area, so that they can last longer, that can have the effect that it then takes too long, or is nigh on impossible, for them to reach their destination. Don't have any personal experience of this (or have a penis) but I don't think it was a wind up.

Is he able to satisfy you though?

i was in a similar position a while back, amazing guy, we got on well and tried really hard in bed but ultimately couldn’t make me climax so it was a non starter for me

He is very good in bed and no complaints there - just this niggling feeling of inadequacy because I can't make him come. Probably more of an issue for me and says more about my hang ups!

Is he using coke? That'll do it

Have zero tolerance for drugs and I don't think he does coke - did ask outright and he says not.

I think this is a lot more common than you might think. There are loads of things that could be a factor. Some men do struggle to come through penetrative sex, just like some women do. Sometimes it's just psychological and they're subconsciously nervous or unable to relax enough. Alcohol can also be a cause. One very common cause of men not being able to ejaculate is being on antidepressants - drugs like Prozac, Citalopram, Seroxat etc can all do it.

Some men struggle and I hate to say it because it's nothing personal to you it's just some are used to a firmer grip from masturbating more than having sex so find climaxing in a woman a struggle. Can he make himself cum?

Sounds like classic brewer’s droop. He just needs to get in shape. But if he permanently can’t perform that would be a big deal.

He is not on any prescribed medication but could lead a healthier lifestyle! I think when taken against all the green flags (so nice to be posting about a wonderful man for a change!) this is a minor hang up probably amplified by my own insecurities. But it's really nice to hear from other people's experiences as I don't want to jump to conclusions and build it into a bigger issue than it is.

Cumming for men takes a lot of relaxation at the right moment. You said he's a new boyfriend. Maybe he needs time to be able to get to that point. Basically it's not about you, it's mechanical. Not all men can cum on tap.

When I first got together with my partner, we had every kind of problem there is. Couldn't finish, lost it midway, couldn't get it up etc and it continued like this for around 2 months. It was all psychological , he had been with his previous partner for 10 + years and I think his nerves about a new partner just overwhelmed him.

Everything is fine now, but it wasn't instant. My advice would be just not to focus on it so much and the problem might resolve itself.

When I first got together with my partner, we had every kind of problem there is. Couldn't finish, lost it midway, couldn't get it up etc and it continued like this for around 2 months. It was all psychological , he had been with his previous partner for 10 + years and I think his nerves about a new partner just overwhelmed him.

Everything is fine now, but it wasn't instant. My advice would be just not to focus on it so much and the problem might resolve itself.