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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To offer to take my niece to a concert

43 replies

loobylou815 · 17/03/2024 00:04

So to give a bit of background info: I have a difficult relationship with my sister but a lovely relationship with her 10 year old daughter.

My niece is a massive Taylor Swift fan and is desperate to go to one of her concerts. I only found out she was a fan in the past few weeks after my DH and I visited Singapore during her ERAS tour (not to see her, just to visit the country) and my niece sent me messages asking if she could come out to she us and go to see Taylor Swift.

Upon our return we hosted all the family for Mother’s Day (including my sister, her husband and their three kids). I mentioned my nieces texts to my sister and she told me my niece was desperate to see Taylor Swift and had asked for tickets to her concert for her upcoming 10th birthday, but they had been unable to secure them.

Whilst they were at my house I looked up tickets but the cheapest we could find them for were £620pp on a resale site, and my sister wrote this off as too expensive. My husband and I don’t have children and could have paid for 2 tickets but money has always been a touchy subject for my sister and I didn’t want to step on her toes so I said nothing.

Fast forward to today: I follow a couple on socials who I don’t know but who have a holiday cottage I’ve looked at staying at previously. The woman who owns the cottage posts that she is having to sell 4 tickets for a date in June to
the Taylor Swift concert in Wembley. I messaged her asking for more details and to establish if it was legit. She came back to me with details of the seat locations and said she had paid £150 per ticket and wanted to recover this. She said she would only be willing to do the transfer via the ticket master transfer system, so it seemed fairly legit.

I called my sister and updated her on the situation. My sister doesn’t like attending concerts so I told her I would happily pay for a ticket for me and my niece and take her to London for the weekend but I didn’t want to exclude my sister and asked if she’d like to come with us. My sister said she wouldn’t, because she hates concerts, but stated that her husband ‘wouldn’t allow me to take their daughter by myself because he wanted to take her himself’. I asked her how he’d feel coming with me and his daughter but she said he’d feel awkward, so I said I’d try to get all four tickets and then my sister could come if she changed her mind, or I’d offer the other ticket to my husband or to my other sister. She seemed fine with this but made it clear that if it turned out to be a scam she wouldn’t be paying me anything. I told her I didn’t expect a penny and would happily take on the £600 risk.

I continued discussions with the person selling the tickets and the got a call
from my sister a few minutes later saying her husband had said he wanted me to buy the tickets but I wasn’t allowed to give them to my niece as a present from me because he wanted it to be from him, and that both of them were now planning to go, so if I wanted the other ticket it would be on the understanding I’d be going by myself with them and their daughter. I told her I understood but that I’d just pass on the details of the person I person I was purchasing then from and let her sort out the purchase. She said she wasn’t willing to do this because she didn’t know the person. I explained I didn’t really know them either but had been willing to take on the financial risk, but didn’t think it was fair to expect me to do this if I was only getting one of the four tickets especially if I didn’t get to give them to my niece for her 10th birthday and had to find another gift. She lost her shit and screamed at me that she didn’t think it was fair for me to take over and take credit for the tickets when it’s her daughters 10th birthday. I ended the call and was so upset. I just wanted to do something nice for my niece. I don’t regard this as taking over and just thought my sister would be happy if I could secure tickets for much less that the resale sites. AIBU for thinking this way?? Should I have taken on the risk of it being a scam and purchased all 4 tickets and allowed them to give them to her?

OP posts:
Bringtheweatherwithyou · 17/03/2024 00:12

Oh dear. I didn't vote because I feel there is a huge backstory between you and your sister and BIL.

At this stage, I think I'd pass on the details of the seller to your sister and step away from it completely and tell her to just buy three tickets. I wouldn't go to the concert at all.

You will know that your niece got to enjoy the concert and you are the bigger person (by far!) here.

If they choose not to go ahead, that is on them.

You can be grateful that you saved yourself a lot of money by not buying tickets for very ungrateful adults.

Schoolhelp23 · 17/03/2024 00:14

Sorry, no advice on the sister situation but be very careful - so many scams on socials, I've got friends who have been hacked by people who have used their socials to scam their friends/followers.

Schoolhelp23 · 17/03/2024 00:15

i.e. for Taylor Swift tickets!

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 17/03/2024 00:15

Don't buy off Facebook. They are all scans with hacked accounts.

Redglitter · 17/03/2024 00:17

First and foremost I contact the person by a method outwith SM because it screams of a scam. Our local fb pages have posts every few days from people who have been group members for years, offering TS tickets at £150 because of some reason or other they can't go. In actual fact the account has been hacked.

Don't consider it any further until you speak to her in person & confirm she actually posted and has the tickets

I'd put money on the tickets not existing

WhateverMate · 17/03/2024 00:19

It does sound a bit like a scam tbh.

But if it's not, why not just buy the tickets for your niece and let her decide who to take?

LocalHobo · 17/03/2024 00:20

You sound the perfect aunt! You are making every compromise you can, your sister should put her DD before her pride.
I am sorry your Neice is probably going to miss out on a lifelong memory.

WhateverMate · 17/03/2024 00:22

I wish I could remember the scam my BIL fell for about 15 years ago.

They were trying to rent a house and the landlord was offering concert tickets at the same time.

For the life of me I can't think what the scam was, but he got arrested eventually. It was even on the local radio.

Sorry, not much help but I'll try to find out more for you.

TheHateIsNotGood · 17/03/2024 00:23

My eyes glazed over once you said £600 for a ticket.

loobylou815 · 17/03/2024 00:32

Thank you so much for all the concern re the tickets being a scam. I’m a solicitor so I’m really vigilant about scams and had obtained proof of purchase from the seller and agreed to exchange funds via PayPal to hopefully have some sort of redress. I obviously can’t say for definite that it wasn’t a scam but I have friends who’ve stayed at the holiday cottage and know the owners who were selling the tickets. I’m just upset that there seemed to be a genuine possibility of getting tickets for the face value and that my niece won’t get to go if it was legit. I’ve told my sister I’m not getting involved any further but I feel for my niece.

OP posts:
TealSapphire · 17/03/2024 01:26

Sister and her husband both sound very unpleasant. You were the one purchasing the tickets so of course the gift is from you. Why on earth are they wanting to claim it's from them?! What a lovely time the two of you could have had, it's great for kids to develop relationships with their wider family. But no her freeloading parents wrecked it.

Kimmeridge · 17/03/2024 01:36

I obviously can’t say for definite that it wasn’t a scam but I have friends who’ve stayed at the holiday cottage and know the owners who were selling the tickets

But that's how the scammers are working with the TS tickets The profile is one you or someone can corroborate as genuine but they've been hacked. That's why contacting them by text or phone is safest before you go any further. Anyone offering tickets this way rings alarm bells. I'd put money on the people you know knowing nothing about the tickets

fluffycatkins · 17/03/2024 01:41

Setting aside the scam issue your sister and husband were behaving very badly.
They weren't placing their dd first in this.
Yes it is going to sting a little if cool auntie is getting you your dream tickets but the main thing would be her getting them.
They are quite immature in their responses to you.

candyisdandybutliquorisquicker · 17/03/2024 01:44

Your BIL and SIL sound appalling. They're "willing" for you to buy the tickets not only for your niece but for them too, as long as they are able to take all the credit? Greedy fuckers.

I feel for your niece. She's going to miss out because her parents have a chip on their shoulder about their financial position compared to yours.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 17/03/2024 01:49

So were they going to pay you at all for the Taylor Swift tickets or were they expecting you to pay and they give the gift??

They are horrible people and you’re best left out of it. Your poor niece though :(

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 17/03/2024 01:50

The dad sounds weird and controlling too…

Mothership4two · 17/03/2024 02:37

I think you have been more than reasonable and kind and I would take a massive step back and leave them to it even if they come back eating humble pie. Sounds like they are upset you won't take the financial risk for a gift they want to give (I assume they were going to pay you for them?). They sound awful and going with them would be soured now. If they went but were scammed you would end up being the bad guy.

Mothership4two · 17/03/2024 02:39

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 17/03/2024 01:50

The dad sounds weird and controlling too…

Agree.

Sounds like a lot of jealousy towards the OP

TempleOfBloom · 17/03/2024 03:33

Your DSis and her DH both sound horrible.

If they want to be the ones to buy tickets and take her to the concert let them source tickets and get on with it.

You tried, you were snubbed and rebuffed.

Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky · 17/03/2024 04:02

@loobylou815

They would either ask for a bank transfer or f&f through PayPal so no redress.

Tickets cannot be transferred yet so it is impossible to send them to you.

Search on here there have been several threads about people in exact same situation.

And tbh selling at face value to a random is also a bit of a red flag.

Newestname002 · 17/03/2024 05:02

@loobylou815

Wow what thoroughly nasty, grasping people your sister and her husband are showing themselves as. Do step well back from this now and let them get on with it. Be prepared, however, for one or other of them to tell their daughter or wider family that you've ruined their daughter's birthday. 🌹

CeeceeBloomingdale · 17/03/2024 05:20

It's a lovely thing to do but it does seem to be top trumping the parents in the gift giving so I can sort of see why it's awkward for them. They've handled it wrongly though .

Autienotnaughtie · 17/03/2024 05:34

What arseholes. When my dd was 16 dsis wanted to take her for a weekend in Amsterdam (I've never been) I couldn't have afforded or gone as I had a new baby. I was so happy for dd getting that experience. I wouldn't have dreamed of denying her it out of jealousy that my dsis could provide that but I couldn't. How selfish they are.

It's sad for your dn but I'd stop bothering.

Mumdiva99 · 17/03/2024 05:43

Those tickets are a scam and you are going to lose your money.

If it wasn't- it's a bit akin to a 10 year old asking for a pony for a birthday. Nice ask but a) you are 10 - there are many years ahead she can go to concerts and b) that's a huge amount of money to spend on a child's birthday gift. For £450 - they could have a family break away. Are there other kids to consider.

It's all immaterial as those tickets don't exist.

mrsed1987 · 17/03/2024 07:07

My friend got hacked 2 days ago and the exact post was re 4 taylor swift tickets wanting £150 per ticket.