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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does this sound like flirting or friendly? So hard to know

23 replies

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 20:37

I'm rubbish at reading signs.
If you tell a guy you're into something and he says 'hmm, very intriguing '.
If you're talking about music and he says, 'the real question is, do you like X band?'
If you say yes he says 'phew, I don't think I could know you anymore if not ;) '
He says 'after we've had such a great discussion on X, I'm going to do X tonight'
He teases you about things, it's hard to give a written example as such but if you say you're doing one thing and he says 'Nahh come on, what are you doing that for? Do X instead ' in a playful sort of way.
I walked into the room once and he was talking to another colleague about me, in a positive way.
When I said I was transferring he said he hoped we'd still talk.
It's so hard to know, if he is just friendly or not or if it's mild flirting. He also goes a bit red sometimes.
It's a no go though, it's not worth getting involved with colleagues for me. I tried to test the waters by asking about previous dating experience and he said he hadn't wanted to date in his previous office for the same reason.
So I guess it will just be an office crush :(

OP posts:
Stupidliefromfriend · 16/03/2024 20:47

Mild flirting

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 20:48

Stupidliefromfriend · 16/03/2024 20:47

Mild flirting

That's what I thought 🤔 but sadly I refuse to pursue a colleague again, it's just not worth it sadly.

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LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 16/03/2024 20:51

If you're not into him it doesn't matter. I wouldn't touch a colleague either.

MrsO3 · 16/03/2024 20:51

Sounds flirty to me but without sounding rude, what’s the point of this post if you’re saying you already know you’re not going to peruse anything with him?

Mrsttcno1 · 16/03/2024 20:51

I wouldn’t even think about it with a colleague but honestly I reckon he’s just being friendly anyway

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 20:52

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 16/03/2024 20:51

If you're not into him it doesn't matter. I wouldn't touch a colleague either.

I definitely fancy him, but I've been interested in one before and it's awkward when it doesn't work out and you have to see them around. Plus he pretty much said the same thing. I think it'll just be casual friends.

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Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 20:53

MrsO3 · 16/03/2024 20:51

Sounds flirty to me but without sounding rude, what’s the point of this post if you’re saying you already know you’re not going to peruse anything with him?

I don't know, just wondering if a man is flirting or not I guess 🤣

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MaybeImbad · 16/03/2024 20:53

Oh I was invested til your last paragraph!

Why have you bothered posting/wondering if he’s interested if you’re just going to let him down anyway? Is it an ego boost thing that you want him to like you so you can reject him??? Poor guy.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 16/03/2024 20:54

"flirting" - dont beleive so as people talk and joke, end of unless you want it to go further then the other will decide.

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 20:54

MaybeImbad · 16/03/2024 20:53

Oh I was invested til your last paragraph!

Why have you bothered posting/wondering if he’s interested if you’re just going to let him down anyway? Is it an ego boost thing that you want him to like you so you can reject him??? Poor guy.

I asked him about dating at work and he pretty much said it's a no go, so likely he'd be doing the same.

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MaybeImbad · 16/03/2024 20:58

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 20:54

I asked him about dating at work and he pretty much said it's a no go, so likely he'd be doing the same.

I absolutely wouldn’t waste any time/effort thinking about it and posting online about it then - it seems utterly pointless if neither of you are interested in taking it further anyway!

MrsO3 · 16/03/2024 20:58

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 20:53

I don't know, just wondering if a man is flirting or not I guess 🤣

Fair enough. For what it’s worth, I reckon he was being a bit flirty, yeah

Judd · 16/03/2024 21:01

But would you still see him at work if you're transferring?

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 21:01

Judd · 16/03/2024 21:01

But would you still see him at work if you're transferring?

Yeah we'd still be in the same room :(

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pleasecallmeback · 16/03/2024 21:08

You're both flirting with each other, but he's already told you he doesn't date colleagues. Find someone out of work. Office crushes can be mildly entertaining, but seldom lead anywhere.

Biancacensori · 16/03/2024 21:12

pleasecallmeback · 16/03/2024 21:08

You're both flirting with each other, but he's already told you he doesn't date colleagues. Find someone out of work. Office crushes can be mildly entertaining, but seldom lead anywhere.

He's right sadly, I have no interest in doing it again, it's just painful to have to see them around.
I have to find someone outside of work, but I hate the apps 😅

OP posts:
sunights · 17/03/2024 02:36

Be careful the energy you put into flirting back with him doesn't distract you from other opportunities...

inabubble3 · 17/03/2024 10:06

Yeah just put effort into getting over it. If it’s taking up headspace wondering about it then it could get deeper etc. been there - was an absolute head mess. He could be doing it for entertainment while you’re developing feelings. He could be doing this with everyone.

Good luck x

Biancacensori · 17/03/2024 10:08

Yeah you're right, got feelings for a colleague once before, didn't go anywhere, nightmare having to see him around and listen to my other colleague saying how 'cute' he is. Never again.

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SilverBranchGoldenPears · 17/03/2024 10:09

Apropos office relationships, surely most people if they don’t meet their partner at uni (or other educational place) meet their partners at work?

What‘s with all the people who refuse to date colleagues???

Freakinfraser · 17/03/2024 10:09

Looks like just general chat, I talk to both my male and female friends like that. I don’t grasp how folks who think it’s flirting actually talk to their male friends and close colleagues, is it all very formal ?

Biancacensori · 17/03/2024 10:13

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 17/03/2024 10:09

Apropos office relationships, surely most people if they don’t meet their partner at uni (or other educational place) meet their partners at work?

What‘s with all the people who refuse to date colleagues???

It's just that for me when it didn't work out and I still had to see him around, it was painful and awkward and that was without nothing happening. I can't imagine having a break up then having to go and work with them the next day. Obviously different for everyone, you're right that it's a shame as it seems like a good place to meet people, but never again for me.

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Biancacensori · 17/03/2024 10:16

Some people use it as an excuse gentle let down but for me it's actually genuine.

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