To not stay at FIL house when he believes rumours about me

[Dustandrosebuds]

My husband and I are estranged, for reasons to complicated to get into I am being encouraged to stay at his home for a week. A couple of years ago my ‘DH’ accused me of having an affair, which I did not have, to deflect from issues surrounding him at that time. My FIL was too quick to believe this and during one terribly heated evening was incredibly rude to me, something I am still struggling to get past as I viewed him as a father and no adult male (with the exception of his son, again another story) has ever raised his voice to me let alone insult me the way this man did.
should I let by gones be by gones? I saw my FIL last year for the first since that incident and I was courteous but it’s clear our relationship has been irrevocably damaged.
by refusing to stay in his home I am potentially going to ignite a great deal of animosity. I feel stuck and unheard and pressured whilst my heart is still sore that this man was so ready to believe the worst of me.

I can't see any valid reason for staying in anyone's house if I don't want to.

This post is so difficult to answer without context. Usually there would be no reason or expectation to stay with one's ex FIL so clearly something really unusual is happening for this to be an expectation. Without that context it's very hard to answer.

Though as a general rule of thumb, you don't usually have to stay anywhere you don't feel comfortable.

Don't stay somewhere you're not comfortable in. Is it your ex or exfil house ? If your estranged there's no need to remain in contact or worry about what exfil thinks about you.

Can you have a telephone call with him before this visit?

I would be very reluctant indeed to stay in his home for a week if there has been no understanding from him on how his actions and behaviour have impacted you.

This is a total guess on my part but is you staying there something along the lines of they live abroad and your estranged husband is taking the children to visit and you going to keep face/ensure they come home?

It’s weird that anyone is expecting you to do such an odd thing, regardless of the row with your (soon-to-be-ex) FIL.

Has FIL admitted that he was wrong and apologised for shouting at you?

Don't stay there. You've not explained why you are even thinking about so I'm assuming there's no urgent reason to do so.

Dear FIL, thanks for the offer to stay, but I would feel uncomfortable doing so. I didn't have an affair and am hurt that you didn't believe me and also shouted at me. OP.

Why do you feel obliged to visit the home of the father of your soon to be ex?

From the minimum details that you have posted it would be a no brainer for me - don't visit.

I'm confused
you're separated from your husband
Why would you contemplate staying with your ex FIL?
If you have children it's you're exs responsibility to facilitate their relationship with his family, not yours.

Given your history with ex FIL in your shoes I would never have contact with him again.

Don't stay with him. Of course he would believe his son, your FIL is your husband's dad not your dad

Context matters. Why on earth are you “being encouraged” to stay there?

As is frequently pointed out, “no” is a complete sentence.

Thank you for the offer FIL but I’d rather not. I haven’t forgotten how you behaved to me when ex lied about me having an affair.

You are estranged from H so you should estrange yourself from FIL too. He has no right to expect anything from you.

It sounds like it would be a toxic environment for you, don’t stay there.