To have kept the flowers?

[msp2023]

I had two bouquets of flowers delivered - both to my address but with the wrong name (prev owners).

The first thing I did was get in touch with both companies to inform of this and asked them to let the senders know that this family has moved home (a few years ago, I might add!). Both told me they will contact the family - one company specified I should keep or dispose of the flowers, the second company didn't answer me when I asked if they would be collected.

A few hours later, one of the senders turns up at my door.... I explained all of the above and apologised for opening the flowers etc - I wasn't aware that she was going to be advised to come and collect them!

I have now had an anonymous letter delivered berating me for stealing bereavement flowers and that karma will get me in the bum. I'm not sure if this sender (not the one who came to collect) is aware that I contacted the companies to inform them in the first place... I wasn't intentionally stealing flowers not intended for me!!

In hindsight, I could have offered to give the flowers to her but considering they weren't wrapped, in water etc I didn't even think of it as a reasonable option.

I do feel bad about this situation but if I was the sender, I would have understood it's my fault for putting the wrong address down and appreciate that the wrong recipient had bothered to contact the companies?!

AIBU? Should I feel guilty?

I don't think it's your fault. Do not feel guilty. You did what you could.

The senders and the companies should arrange to send new flowers to the correct recipients.

Good lord no. Ridiculous response but probably born of the derangement of grief.

no no guilt. You did what you could lucky you were home to try and sort. A few years ago and they didn’t know person had moved but learnt they’d died not good at communicating

Did you not explain to the person at your door what the company said, and offer the flowers back to them?

If it was me I would have left them as they were and not done anything to "take ownership" of them, at least not for a day or two, so they were available to be picked up.

If these were funeral flowers I assume it was an arrangement with the stems stuck into watered oasis, so they wouldn't have needed watering /putting in a vase?

The anonymous note is horrible, but put it down to grief.

I do think it's odd that you didn't just give the flowers to them, even if they were in a vase you could have just removed them and put them in a carrier bag.

The message you've received is horrible - try and ignore it as they are grieving and the perceived 'theft' of their flowers is probably tipping them over the edge.

Yes this, it’s really odd that you didn’t check if they still wanted them, that seems like the natural thing to do if someone turns up at your door and you admit you’ve got something intended for them!

YWNBU - you did what you could to sort the issue! Total projection (but it might make you feel better) but I'd bet the 2 senders were the sort of people who see a death notice in the paper of someone they knew years ago and send flowers out of guilt that they lost touch or in the hope of an invite to the funeral (particularly in the case of an unexpected death) and the nasty letter was because their plan backfired.

I'd be very surprised if anyone close to the family didn't know they'd moved after several years, and personally I find it a bit odd sending flowers like that - surely it would be more appropriate to send flowers to the funeral?

It's also worth bearing in mind that some people are just arseholes!

I'm a bit confused about what happened but not sure why you refused to hand the flowers over to the person who turned up to collect them, unless you'd already checked them out.

Do you mean that you'd unwrapped them and put them in water? You could still have taken them out and handed them over loose.

The letter is nasty though.

Thanks all.

I guess I just didn't think of it as a viable option - flowers unwrapped, stems cut etc. I wouldn't have expected it if the roles were reversed but I understand that everyone is different.

Also, I didn't refuse to hand them over! I explained what had happened and apologised for opening them - she didn't say that was okay and she was happy to take them anyway :( of course I would have given them back if I'd known she was happy to have them in that state. She just said she would take it up with the flower company who advised me to keep them!

I'll ignore the mean letter as I know I didn't have any bad intentions or mean to upset anybody.

Thanks again everyone.

I think it's strange that you didn't offer her, her flowers. But the letter is horrible so I'd stop feeling bad after that and think fuck her.

This sounds like a gdpr breach, the florist had no business passing on your details to them without checking with you that you consent to this.

Erm the sender would know which address they'd asked the florist to send them to, hence turning up. Nothing suggests the florist gave any separate info about OP (name etc). No GDPR breach.