I’m 33 and my STBXH is 34. We didn’t have children. We’ve been separated now for 3 months. We are very much still in the logistical throes of separation, I’m currently most of the time staying with family and don’t see much of him, but emotionally, I feel mostly okay, other than a generalised fear of biological clock/ getting older. Split was mutual (although I was probably more of a driving force in it) and won’t bore you with all details but main reason: difference in life goals, he was indefinitely delaying TTC, he had unstable work etc etc. Even in the middle of all this mess, I’m happier right now than I was in the last 6 months of our marriage. To be absolutely clear, the story I’m about to tell had no direct contributing factor to the split.
So about two years ago I met a slightly younger guy (now 31) through work. He is single and has been this entire time. He’s a different department and we work close together in physical proximity but not closely on work itself - could fairly easily cut contact if needed. I have over a very long period of time slowly developed some kind of feelings for this man. We have a lot in common and - I know this is an absolute classic - he has a lot of the characteristics missing from STBXH. Some of these feelings existed before my marriage breakdown…. I’d be lying if I said they didn’t…but it’s definitely intensified since. However I would say he’s my usual type, and there’s a few things about him which aren’t great too!
Me, this man and a few other people from work have over time become a social group that do a lot in and out of work. Everyone else in the group has partners that sometimes socialise with us (my STBXH never socialised with my friends). As well as in this group, me and this man also talk together 1:1 a fair bit, pretty much every day. It is unusual that we go a day without speaking 1:1, even at weekends. This has kicked up a notch since my separation and he’s been supportive of me.
However! There’s never any kind of flirty tone to this conversation, everything is always just - friendly, about certain topics we’re both interested in or people we know or the minutiae of our lives etc. If anyone read our messages they’d see nothing exciting, it’s more the volume that might raise eyebrows but I feel a bit… for want of a better word….friendzoned. I know he sometimes, but not as often, talks 1:1 to other women in the group and whenever that happens I feel jealous (pathetic I know).
So I guess… looking for any advice as to what to do with all this. I know that until my logistical living situation is sorted I shouldn’t be thinking about any other men or dating anyway, but I’d be thinking within the next few months I should probably start to put myself back out there as I don’t want to waste too much time… but at the moment I can’t get this guy out of my head, and with everything that’s happened have a pretty ‘YOLO’ mentality right now. Do I at some point try and go for it, or am I just risking making things super awkward for myself? Or is this situation doomed to fail anyway so I should just try and force myself to get over it? Maybe I really should just spend some time alone?