I was being unreasonable and don't know how to fix it

[efn]

I made a sarcastic joke with my colleague and it went too far.
We both work in design field and have our own projects,I had noticed that all the field engineers would go and ask only him if they needed any clarification ,even if I was there in the office and it was my project.
Few days ago I found out he even went on a site visit with them on one of my projects and I told him why are you being asked about my own projects is it because I am a women or am i scary ?and I laughed it off not thinking anything of it.
Me and this colleague joke and tease each other all the time.
He took it very seriously and talked to all the engineers and managers telling them to come to me for my projects.
I understood that he was upset the next day and we had a talk where I apologised to him and that I didn't want him to be seen as sexist because at the time I said it I didn't mean it like that.
He says he is past it but I feel very embarrassed and upset that I put him in such a situation at work.
The talk also gave me the opportunity to address some things that he has done in the past like sexual jokes that have put me in an awkward position.
I try to see his perspective and how I handled things not very well but I just feel he could have talked to me before going to my managers ,as that's what I would have done in his place.
I have a crush on one of the engineers and I thought he was into me too ,my colleague is close to him and even though he reassured me that he didn't tell him about my joke I have the feeling he has ,as that day I said good morning to him and he looked at me in a way and said nothing to me.
I don't know how to fix this awkwardness and I feel I have destroyed my friendship with my colleague and anything potential with the engineer.

I think you did the right thing OP. It's better to address this kind of thing up front.

I think you were right to bring it up with him. He should have already been telling colleagues to speak to you about your projects. If he's acting differently, it could be that he's embarrassed that he'd been acting badly and had to have it pointed out to him.

Theres nothing to fix. It was fine that you raised the fact he went on 'your' site visit. And it wasn't like you actively accused them of sexism. They must know they were doing wrong and panicked. So now you know they will always go to you, about your own work. He's no right to be offended.
On the subject of the guy you fancy, if he's single why not ask him out?

I'm not following what you think you had to apologize for in this situation?

My intuition is telling me that the engineer is not coming to me because I am cold and distant with him.I get anxious around him as I have a major crush and I shut down when he is around acting like he doesn't exist.in the beginning he would initiate convo trying to get to know me but because I was afraid ppl from the office would notice the crush I act like this.
We haven't declared any feelings for each other so I don't see why he would avoid me. when it comes to work issues it's a job and I don't see why I would give him more attention than I give to anyone there.
Was very hurt when he didn't reply to my good morning greet.

@grinandslothit for making him look like a sexist infront of other colleagues,even though he has done more serious things to me like sexual jokes in the past.

You're right to shut down a crush - you're in the workplace. It's not the place to be declaring feelings for each other. It all sounds quite muddled.
Maybe put your personal feelings aside, concentrate on work only. Don't engage in any sexual jokes or banter - they never end well and as you're finding out, if you don't maintain appropriate work place behaviour, it gets messy.

I suspect the reason you're questioning your behaviour is because your crush just gave you the cold shoulder. You've done nothing wrong, don't question yourself. Be confident and believe in yourself.

This all sounds very childish, crushes and being cold and distant and acting like your crush doesn't exist. I think you need to grow up and act like a professional. Perhaps then people won't talk to your colleague instead of you.

But you didn't advise HIM I'd bring Archie, you implied the engineers were. And he went behind your back to tell your managers and colleagues which has made you look bad.
If the sexism jokes made you feel bad they absolutely should be brought up so he has the opportunity to stop before you need to report him

You didn’t destroy anything.
What you said wasn’t a joke: it sounds like you hit the nail on the head and they’re not working with you because of your gender. He’s perpetuated this by telling your team and manager - all you have done is make an observation in a jokey manner. This is an issue and should be dealt with but it isn’t about you joking and breaking a working relationship - it was already what it was, you’ve just pointed it out to them

Umm, you were right?

you need to grow up re your crush.

@takemeawayagain when I say I act he doesn't exist its not that I don't greet him or anything,when he comes near my desk I talk to him and continue my work, sometimes I will make a harmless joke if the opportunity arises ,it's just that I don't have banter with a lot of the guys in the office ,,I am usually concentrated on work and I am carefull to not treat him differently because I don't want to appear unprofessional.our desks are arranged in a way that I would have to meet his gaze to talk to him and I don't want to come across as starring.One time I looked at him when he wasn't looking and one of my colleagues noticed and I felt embarrassed.

I had to read your OP twice to try to understand what your colleague could be upset about.
It seems that all the men are sexist, and only want to deal with Another Man.
You pointed this out, and also made mention of sexist 'jokes' that made you feel uncomfortable.
This made your colleague wake up to the fact that you could complain about sexual harassment if you felt that way inclined. And he has warned everyone else about it. That's why your crush is not being flirty, because you might take it the wrong way.
If your colleague is 'upset' (doubtful) it's because he realised he was walking on a knife edge and you could legitimately complain about him at any moment and he would be in trouble. Or he is 'upset' because he's happier to be the victim rather than the silly idiot risking his job with 'banter'.
Probably best to shelve the crush for now, OP. You can't have it both ways with neanderthals who have no understanding of nuance or subtlety.

What is happening?

the most likely reason they aren’t coming to you is because you are a woman. He shouldn’t be doing site visits on projects he isn’t on. He should have passed a request to you.

Sounds like your colleague realised he was sexist (even subconsciously) and didn’t like it being pointed out. He did the right thing by making it clear if it’s your project they must come to you.

it appears you are tying yourself in knots and apologising to the colleague and ignoring the major issue, all so your crush doesn’t think you. Might have stood up for yourself.

@Bluetrews25
I didn't bring up the issue about the sexual jokes to him when they happened.In reality the only one that doesn't come to me for my projects it's my crush ,all other men are OK.
I couldn't tell that to my colleague so I made the joke about it generally for all of them.
He and my crush knew that I wanted to do a site visit and the day I am not at the office ,they went together to the site visit and didn't even ask me if I wanted to go with them.that day I called my colleague and he didn't even mention he was on my site ,but come Monday he did.thats when I made the joke.when I realised he was offended and apologised to him that's when I told him about the jokes he made in the past.
One time when my crush asked him for help on something my colleague made a comment to him that he is training him and he replied by saying look at me I can't even tie my shoe laces anymore and used to have an important job before.
I saw his rely as a sign that he felt embarrassed and insecure in that moment.