To want women to stop saying sorry all the time?

[tryanotherone123]

There's just too much sorrying. Yes it is now a verb.

Sorry to bother you, sorry I want, sorry I need, sorry I've inconvenienced you with my breathing. Constantly all day in every interaction. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

If you drop an anvil on someones toe, fine, apologise. Otherwise this is not a good way to navigate the world.

Saying sorry when there is nothing to be sorry about is just apologising for existing. Who would do that. Why should we be so fucking sorry? And if we are not actually sorry why do we say it? I do know why - women aren't supposed to assert their own needs and wants and we have to try to manage other peoples behaviour towards us.

Maybe we could change that if we all just stopped being so bloody sorry. Please.

i think it’s a self esteem issue and a man v woman issue

I'm guilty of this.

My mum is 100% worse. It's every other word out of her mouth.

This is something I am really working on. 'Unfortunately I am going to have to rearrange' or 'I will have to arrange our appointment, thank you for your understanding' etc (second one is more of a work/formal context obviously).

I'm working on it but it's so ingrained it's hard - I edit it out of my emails but still find myself saying it. And it's depressing when you listen in a meeting and all the women are apologising or self-deprecating and the men do it so rarely.

Guilty 😥
Trying hard to stop, it's definitely a self-esteem issue for me.

I do it but some women do it more than others. My best friend is so sorry all the time it makes me want to cry. I think if we could stop we would change our worlds.

Yes me too. I ask my self why I'm sorry and the answer is usually there's nothing to be sorry for so I try to remove the apology and get on with it.

It's been my new year's resolution to say sorry less, it's working out really well.

I reinforce /police this constantly with my team. Agree very much a female thing, apologising for existing, bit like dieting into taking up the least space.

i do know one chap who does it, people pleaser as a result of a difficult childhood.

Meetings are the worst, that's if the women get a word in at all. Don't know why we bother, it's not like anyone is actually listening to us.

The other one is if you are late to a meeting because of an over running meeting, saying thanks for waiting for me rather than sorry I’m late.

the other one women do is “I may be being daft/this may be a stupid question/perhaps I’m not understanding “.

men just don’t feel the need to put the other person at ease they just ask the question

if you work from home stick a post it on your screen saying Don’t apologise in big letters!

I'm so guilty of this!! I was once told - replace the word with "I apologise" and then consider whether you really need to say sorry. It really makes you think about whether you actually need to say sorry.

Brilliant. Let's start a movement. How has it changed things for you?

I don't know, this feels like all the discourse around the word "bossy" a decade ago. I always felt that instead of recasting "bossy" as a positive, we should start applying it as a negative to men.

Men should say sorry more! Everyone who has something to apologise for should say sorry. I'd like to see more consideration in everyday speech from both sexes. I'd rather see men be less brusque than women be more brusque.

But that's also quite simplistic and honestly the thing to aim for is for everyone to say sorry when appropriate but also not feel the need to do so when they don't need to. That's less catchy though.

'thanks for waiting' what a power move.

Totally agree. The other week l was pushing my pram along the pavement, woman has parked half on the pavement and had her car door open. Then for an encore her daughter is faffing around between the car and a garden wall. I patiently wait as there is no way for me to get by, woman closes the door, moves daughter out of the way and says sorry. I move by and then she demands to say why l didn’t say sorry. Why would l say sorry?! She was the one blocking the pavement. I’m wasn’t sorry and wasn’t going to say l was sorry

@gannett 'Men should say sorry more! Everyone who has something to apologise for should say sorry.'

I agree about men. The problem is women apologise all the time for things which should not be apologised for, speaking, having an oppinion, wanting something, needing, existing. If we could stop our lives would improve.

Oh if a man came late into a meeting saying that I would be seething though.

You are so right, OP. I’ve almost successfully drummed it out of my teenage DD and even though she thought I was doing too much when it started, she now gets it.

I'm not sorry, it’s not unfortunate, I don’t need to be forgiven for asking…

It's auto pilot for me but I'm trying to make a conscious change when typing messages to colleagues. Instead of 'sorry I didn't get this to you sooner', I'm now more likely to type, 'thanks for bearing with me on this'. It's a hard habit to break.

@Henowner whatever you do don't be sorry for being sorry. We're taught to be sorry and it's a very hard habit to break.

I find that the kind of women who spearhead things like "ban bossy" and "stop being kind" are not the kind of women who spent any time apologising for their existence in the first place.

I agree with you that too many women do, though. But I would rather see fewer power moves and more apologies overall.

It’s a British thing. I never heard it when I lived in the USA.

@rookiemere how are a) you finding that and b) are you noticing any difference with how people are interacting with you now you aren’t saying it?

I say it a lot. I remember age about 14 and apologising profusely as someone was serving me in a shop. An older 16/17 neighbour who was with me at the time said after we left that I sounded really pathetic and wet constantly saying ‘sorry’.
I have still spent the rest of my 50 years apologising.

I do tend to say "thanks for waiting" - but, if that's a step too far, you can just say "I'm late" or "Last meeting ran on".

It's polite to acknowledge the delay and/or the other people's inconvenience.
It's neither polite nor necessary to apologise, especially as power-grabbers will instantly take "sorry" to mean you owe them something.