Stag do, 35 weeks pregnant

[Funnyboness]

35 weeks pregnant in a low risk pregnancy. This is our first DC so not sure if I’m being precious.

So far everything has gone fine so DH left to go to a stag party this weekend. I had a midwife appointment this morning and babies growth has dropped off according to their measurement, she hasn’t grown at all since 31 weeks. They tried to get me in for a scan today but couldn’t get anything until Monday.

If it were you would you ask DH to come back? Rationally he can’t do anything but midwife has asked me to be extra vigilant with movements and I’m obviously worried.

I understand your worry. Just adding my experience. DD was measuring 6 weeks behind according to my bump and hadn't grown much. This was around 36 weeks. I was told I needed a scan in 48 hours which I struggled to arrange. On the scan everything was fine and she was 8lb 2oz when born at 41 weeks. I'm quite tall, which can impact measurements.

So I probably wouldn't ask him to come home but to keep an eye on his phone and be contactable. I would also want a friend or relative to know in case I needed them, practically or emotionally, although unlikely to be needed practically.

Where is he?

Boarding a plane for a flight to somewhere hard to reaxh? Out to the wilderness with no Comms? A main city with good transport?

If the latter, I'd tell him because he deserves honesty but reassure him I'm fine, there's nothing you can do but rest, you'll call if you need to and to enjoy his last weekend of freedom for a while

If one of the former, I'd want him to offer to stay or work out a way of being able to reach him in an emergency

I haven’t posted about it before as I wasn’t bothered at all by him going as everything has gone fine so far. It’s probably a common dilemma though! It’s a fundal height measurement I haven’t had a scan since 20 weeks. My bump has really changed shape since baby switched position which I only felt last week. Midwife thinks she hasn’t grown at all since 31 weeks though. DH has basically asked me what I want him to do, obviously I’d rather someone be around for support but then he won’t get another chance to go away for a while so I don’t want to be unreasonable about it. That’s why I’m looking for outside perspectives.

He’s in the UK but won’t have great signal as they’re an adventuring/climbing/hiking type of group!

You're right he won't get chance for a while. I would leave him to it. If you're feeling shaky and need some support then call on your mum or a friend or neighbour. In terms of the growth try not to take it to heart too much- as others have said the tummy measurements are so so inaccurate and tend to cause people a lot of stress when they don't need to. Even the scans are not accurate.

Oh that's stressful OP, if you have other support then I'd leave him be.

the problem here is that he has made it your decision when actually it is his. He needs to decide what he wants to do and how he feels about it. I would say to him that it is up to him - will he be back for the scan and do you have a plan for contact if it is needed

Completely understandable to be concerned, particularly if you're on your own with your DP away. I don't think your midwife can categorically say your baby hasn't grown if you haven't been scanned - it's only the actual scan that can give you proper measurements. If your bump has changed shape and your baby has changed position, isn't it possible that this has affected the measurement too? As others have said, this type of measurement isn't the most reliable.

See if a close friend or relative can be with you and sleep on it. If you decide tomorrow that you'd like DP to come home, at least he's had some time with his friends and you have the reassurance of his company etc. for part of Saturday and Sunday.

Wishing you the very best of luck with your scan on Monday - hope all goes well!

You need to tell him that you're happy for him to stay and leave him to it. As someone else suggested a good friend will be good company or maybe your Mum.
There are all manner of reasons why the measurements are off, not necessarily anything wrong either.
The scan isn't until Monday so fretting isn't going to help you. If you think the movements aren't right at any point then contact your midwife but bringing him home isn't going to make any difference.

He's basically saying he wants to stay so is leaving it to OP to say if she REALLY needs him home.

Midwife thinks she hasn’t grown at all since 31 weeks though.

If she actually said that, she’s really irresponsible as she’ll know how unreliable the measurement is. She’s right to be cautious and send you for a scan but to give this as her opinion based on an unreliable measurement and cause you to worry over the weekend makes her very irresponsible.

And if she really thought she hadn’t grown at all for 4 weeks and hadn’t rushed you to hospital right that minute, she’s shit at her job.

No I wouldn't ask him to come back - there's nothing he can do anyway and the plans are all in place to get checked out Monday. Trust me if they were that worried they'd have you in pronto!

My daughter didn't grow after about 32 weeks according to measurements and was eventually born via induction at 37+4 when she stopped moving about.

If baby is still moving about I wouldn't worry, just try to have a relaxing weekend

I wouldn't expect him to come home. As others have said, there's nothing he can do and realistically, the chances are that everything is perfectly fine.

What decision do you have to make? I wouldn’t ask him back there’s nothing he can do for you really. The baby is probably moving less because they’re in the head down position. Don’t worry yourself, tbh loads of times they get measurements wrong so just wait for scan

I get this OP. Its all on you to decide whether you think you need to be seen sooner. And whilst of course only you can know, it somehow makes it feel less on you when you can turn to a partner and talk it through with them, get their thoughts and feelings about it. I remember towards the end of my pregnancy I hated how much all the responsibility was on me to spot if anything had changed. I was so relieved when she was born and someone else could take some responsibility!

I think though in reality you should leave him to his stag do, and find a friend or family member who will be happy to talk it all through with you. And honestly, I would just call and get seen the second you feel something isn't quite right - you don't actually need to talk it through, and they will always happily get you checked out.

While I know it's really worrying - on a similar week to you I went to the midwife. She thought the bump was measuring small. Sent me upstairs for a scan (clinic was in maternity hospital). I rang my DH upset from the toilets. By the time I got upstairs (5 min later) they couldn't understand why I hadn't come straight up. Sonographer scanned baby. Baby was fine. Sonographer was annoyed at the midwife for all the kerfuffle. She (sonographer) didn't say anything to her but her face was 🤨

No, at the moment, it's just a waiting game. I would let him enjoy this one last weekend of freedom and you also enjoy this one last weekend of peace and quiet with the house to yourself. You won't appreciate it now, but in a few months time, the idea of having a whole weekend to yourself in peace will sound like an unimaginable luxury.

I would let him know that there are some concerns and you are going for a scan on Monday, just so he at least is primed to make sure he is reachable.

If there was an emergency over the weekend, you want to be able to reach him so you could ask him to come home if needed.

I wouldn’t, no

So he should say that - have a plan if anything changes and to be available. Or he decides she needs him and leaves because she would be worried.

she doesn’t need to let him do anything amd it is unfair to put the decision on her. They should either talk it through and agree how he can be contacted or he makes the decision.

otherwise they are starting parenting out with too much of the decision process being on her. If he wants to stay he should just say it - the poor OP has enough stress without making this decision