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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

working 37 hours + toddler

21 replies

workingmama111 · 15/03/2024 11:22

I am currently doing 15 hours per week and as someone who wants to build some sort of stable career I am looking for a new job that offers more hours and better pay.

I had an offer come in for a full time (37 hours flexible role) working for council and I think it would be amazing for me as an individual.. now I am worried about my little one. It could be the fact that I've been with her since the day she was born.

As I mentioned before the hours are flexible between the hours 8am to 6pm and it's a hybrid role. I was thinking doing 8-4 and then still spending time with my little one in the evenings.

Me and her dad are separated so we would be sharing her every other weekend. My current partner is happy to continue to share the chores around the house + cooking.

Now I don't know what I am asking for. But could any mothers share their experience and a word of encouragement that I wouldn't be a horrible mum for starting a full time role?

My daughter will be 3 in May (I'm 26 had my daughter as soon as I graduated). I am thorn between spending this precious time with her and building a career for the future. It's been quite a change to find a new role as well.

Thanks mamas!

OP posts:

Hugmorecats · 15/03/2024 11:37

I'd go for it as soon your daughter will be going to school and out for most of the day anyway, it sounds like a good opportunity for you. I work full time with two little ones and am in a similar situation to you, also separated. It will probably be hard adjusting at first though, so be prepared for that

TheBirdintheCave · 15/03/2024 11:39

I have that working pattern (Mon-Fri 8am-4.15pm) and have a pre-schooler (nearly 3.5). My husband also works full time. Our son goes to childcare at 8.30 (dropped off by my husband) and then I pick him up at 4.30. It works perfectly for us as I get to take him to the park after childcare or play games indoors if it's raining whilst we wait for his dad to get home before we all have dinner together :)

Of course you're not horrible! We started this working/childcare pattern when our son was nine months old 😅

Sophie3003 · 15/03/2024 11:41

Could you discuss doing less than the full time hours so it is less than a jump? I have done that in all my roles (since having my daughter) and work 4 days so I get one day off with her.

Cantgetausername87 · 15/03/2024 11:41

So I work full time with a toddler. On MN you may get comments saying don't do it!
I'm very busy, and it's hard at times but the reality is as a family we need to have stable careers and income in order to provide a great life for our family and not living payday to payday!
On a practical note, if you can WFH or work flexibly this will help massively. My boy has come on greatly at nursery, has lots of little friends and a very busy and fullfilling life. Our relationship hasn't been impacted and I believe his transition to school will be easier!
I know a fair few mums who also work full time! Best of luck with whatever you choose to do

2023NEWMUM2023 · 15/03/2024 12:14

I do 37 hours FT. 8am til 16.45 and every other Fri off so we can go to play group. I'm also doing a degree apprenticeship so have uni work and placements coming up (year 2 of 3). My LO has come on so well with nursery. I'm strict with doing my uni work a no. Of evenings a week when LO is in bed then the weekends so far are protected family time. I suppose my LO has never known any different but he is very happy and people comment on his sunny nature so I'm not worried. It just makes me really value the time I do have with him and make sure I treasure it and make sure it's meaningful. When I'm with him I'm present not watching telly or on phone etc. Good luck!

jeaux90 · 15/03/2024 12:20

I've been working full time since mine was 4 months old. I'm a lone parent. She's 14 now and not scarred by me working full time 😁...go for it OP financial independence and a career are the best things you can do for her and you.

Melodyy · 15/03/2024 12:28

I don't know...
What words of encouragement could I give you other then just get on with it (if you want to) and it's do-able because LOTS of mums do it. I was back at work full time by the time my son was 9 months old.
Working full time with young kids is not easy but I don't have a choice. Bills needs paying and I love having my financial freedom. 5 years on I'm so happy I did it. I am at a very good place in my career and yes contrary to popular belief on mumsnet I STILL spend time with him even though I work full time...Shocker.

Original poster

workingmama111 · 15/03/2024 12:37

Thank you all. Sometimes an encouraging word is all that one needs!

OP posts:

TheSnowyOwl · 15/03/2024 12:39

Congratulations on the new job.

Your daughter will likely enjoy meeting new friends and the routine of nursery. It will make the cross over to starting school much easier for her as well.

Original poster

workingmama111 · 15/03/2024 12:41

@TheSnowyOwl that's what I was thinking in regards to school! She does 2-3 days a week at childminders and is doing really well so I'm sure she will be fine. It's more of mum guilt than anything 😅

OP posts:

Original poster

workingmama111 · 15/03/2024 13:34

OP posts:

11NigelTufnel · 15/03/2024 13:45

It is easier to work full time when they are in nursery anyway, as they have longer hours and all one place. Give it a go and if it becomes too much, you can always change. Working will give her a good role model and get your career started. If it becomes too much down the line, you can always ask to drop hours, which is much easier to do when you are already in a job. You eill also have gained skills if you need to go for less hours elsewhere.

laughinglovingliving · 15/03/2024 13:50

She's 3, you will get some nursery hours funded.
I have worked full time forever, I went back to work when my first son was 6 months and second son was 8w old, although I worked from home then (thanks covid!)

Reugny · 15/03/2024 13:53

OP congratulations on your new job.

See if you can extend your DD's time at the CM's.

While my DD went to nursery as well as childminders, she was with children who started at nursery then moved to the childminder's full-time.

App13 · 15/03/2024 14:05

I work 830 to 5pm Ft and am alone parent

I get dd ready In the morning and drop her to nursery and then I see her at 6pm until 830 when she gets home.

She is 2 yrs 5 mths and still considers me the focus of her world.
My mother supports me with nursery picks ups when I can't or dropping her once or twice a week when i can't.

I wouldn't worry about it.

excessivescreentime · 15/03/2024 20:26

My husband and I work (outside the home) full time, and our toddler seems very happy.

There are benefits to one-to-one care for kids, but also benefits to nursery: loads of fun everyday, activities, seeing lots of kids.

Honestly I really think it's fine. You still get to be the first person she sees in the morning, and have bedtime snuggles. You're still there if she wakes in the night.

(All that said... if you can afford it you could think about getting a cleaner, for your own sake !)

ColleenDonaghy · 15/03/2024 20:45

Go for it! I work FT with two little ones, the vast majority of my friends do too. It'll be busy and very hard at times, especially when nursery illness kicks in, but you can do it.

Sounds like it could be a job with great flexibility and pension. You'll be great.

Birch101 · 15/03/2024 21:11

Personally I would do it especially if it means being able to grow your career and thus provide more for you both in the future.

8-4 would be great hrs (depending on your commute) especially coming into the spring and summer. I would have a look at things like their options of buying additional holiday and once you've settled in do half day on a Friday every few weeks to have special time with her (my partner can buy 10 extra days a year so that's 20 half days)

If it really isn't working for you after a year or two you could always approach the idea of a job share or change roles

benjoin · 15/03/2024 21:34

a word of encouragement that I wouldn't be a horrible mum for starting a full time role?

Do you think other mums are "horrible" for starting a full time role? There's your answer.

benjoin · 15/03/2024 21:34

Also I'd consider reducing any lunch break to as small as you're allowed. Get the day over with quicker

Mel2023 · 15/03/2024 21:57

I’ve got a nearly 2 year old and I’ve never not worked 37 hours per week (hybrid role with flexible working like yours), so I would say to go for it! Especially if it’s something you want to do and it’s going to help you grow your career and help with your family income, add to your pension etc. It’s definitely doable hours wise and the flexi time and wfh means you’ll get more time to be with your little one on evenings. Flexi working has meant I’ve never missed an event at nursery, done stay and plays, been able to go to parents meetings etc and I have more time to spend with my DS on an evening. All stuff I prioritise and want to do for my DS. I’d recommend building up childminders to full time gradually, and start it while you aren’t working if possible so you’re around to settle DC, so it puts your mind at ease. You’ll also get some funded hours due to her age (30 I think) so that will really help with childcare costs for you. Good luck!

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