Shaving your head for charity

[wheretoyougonow]

Someone I know is shaving their head for charity. I just don't see this as 'fun'. I can't decide whether IABU as this is sensitive for me. I have recently lost my hair due to medical treatment. Although it was probably the least of my worries, it was obviously not fun and a visual reminder of the shit I was going through.

I'm not against people raising money but if you have lost your hair it isn't 'fun'.

So AIBU for wanting this type of fundraising to stop or do I need to just let it go?

I hate it. I had an acquaintance that did it and it was all about the attention.

I think YABU but I do sympathise with you. I wouldn’t like to lose my hair either OP. I wish you a speedy recovery.

IMO It’s raising money for charity so that can’t be a bad thing.

I prefer it to something that's just a jolly like skydiving

And actually I like it overall (on women anyway) as it helps normalise the look.

The people I know who have lost hair because of cancer treatment find it distasteful.

My DH did Brave the Shave for Macmillan a few years ago as he lost his first wife to cancer. It wasn't about fun - it was just a way of doing something that he could do to raise money, & photos on SM of him before & after drew people's attention, so possibly helped raise that bit more.
I've since lost my hair due to cancer treatment, & while I hated it, it didn't make me feel this kind of fundraising should be stopped.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion though.

Going through the same thing right now, I didn't choose to lose my hair, it's a side effect of chemo - so people shaving their head for charity - whilst for a good cause - I find insensitive - they see it as a bit of fun and their hair will grow back quickly - mine won't and it's a visual reminder every day

A friends son raised a lot of money for cancer charity by shaving his head, BUT his came from the place of supporting his mum who is battling cancer for the second time and has lost her for the second time.
They posted the video, and yes there was lots of laughter, but also hugs and some tears. The love in that room was palpable x

I do understand losing your hair would be so distressing but this is not always about the attention/getting a laugh x.

I think YABU to want it to stop, but its not unreasonable to be upset that you lost your own hair.

This. I know someone who found it really upsetting that people were doing a head shave to show solidarity (or get attention) to people who had no choice about their own hair. She said it almost felt like it would if people using blackface to show their hatred of racism. (She is black)

I'm curious how they feel about women who shave their own heads as a fashion choice? Or women (or men) who lose their hair due to age related baldness.

I understand completely that its very upsetting to lose your hair when you have no control over it, but to take great personal offence to how other people treat their bodies is unreasonable.

I can appreciate it's triggering for you, but it's not about you, and people should be able to do what they want with things like this.

Yeah, I have mixed feelings about this. People can do whatever they like with their own hair, obvs. But when I was having cancer treatment and they were trying to decide whether I needed chemo, my friend happened to be doing a shave-your-head-for-charity thing. In the end I didn't have chemo, but if I had and had lost hair, I'd have secretly felt a bit grumbly about it, though I wouldn't have said anything. My friend is beautiful and looks great with or without hair, but my face is plainer, so I'd struggle without some decent-looking hair to hide behind!

But cancer treatment isn't the only reason someone can have no hair – you can simply want to shave your head. Hair isn't a limb – to have it or not have it can be a choice and doesn't have to be equated with illness. Especially for a woman – it's no big deal for a man to want a shaved head, but of course society must dictate where we have hair and where we don't and what it should look like. We should leave all people and their hair alone.

I lost my hair with chemo for cancer treatment, and I absolutely loathe this every time it pops up. Losing my hair was both physically and emotionally painful and I had no choice. Someone at my work did 'brave' the shave and it was really upsetting for me. Not only did it bring back a load of awful awful memories, I was expected to be supportive because they were fundraising for cancer. They genuinely thought they were doing a good thing and 'they now understood what it was like for me'.

No. No you really don't.

Thank you for responding. It's good to read all views.
I think I would understand it a bit more if it was being done in solidarity for a person they knew who was going through this.

I don't think it's the same as natural male baldness and females choosing that style as it is not linked to trauma and the charity.

I don't begrudge raising the money so it's difficult.

Thanks for the messages of support.

I understand why it bothers you, but I think YABU. Everyone has their own sensitivities about different things, but you can't reasonably expect everyone to avoid those things for that reason. My dad finds it hard to see other people training for marathons etc, because running was his lifelong passion and he is now severely disabled and can't even stand unaided. It's genuinely hard for him and he doesn't like to hear about other people sharing their training experiences. But he wouldn't suggest that nobody should run a marathon for charity.

I think it’s weird because it feeds into the narrative that a woman with a shaved head is shocking or even ugly - otherwise why would you pay someone to do it?
I have adult women friends with shaved heads as that’s how they like their hair.
Imagine if I asked for a charity donation for my full head of hightlights.

I lost my hair due to cancer - currently growing back in. I hate people shaving their hair for charity, feels very insensitive.

I used to think it was a good thing, solidarity etc with people that had lost their hair.

However, two cancer sufferers I have known that lost their hair absolutely hate people doing this ; they think it's attention seeking and minimises the trauma of chemotherapy based hair loss.

I then thought back to the person at work that done a random ' hair shave for charity' and she was an attention seeker who thought she looked amazing with a crew cut anyway.

Let's face it, a woman having a number one haircut is in no way comparable to someone losing all their hair , eyebrows etc due to a serious illness.

I always thought it was attention seeking but excused it under "it's for a good cause." However then I had chemo and couldn't find it acceptable anymore. A healthy person choosing to cut off your hair that will immediately grow back is in no way empathising with someone who has cancer or another illness. You can run a marathon or have a cake sale etc. if you want to raise money for charity.

I think all 'doing X thing for sponsorship for charity' is strange and silly.

I get it's traumatic for some people but I don't think it's objectively insensitive or malicious

Also I didn't think it was meant to mean the person doing it was saying they could empathise more that it was something uncomfortable, an act they wouldn't otherwise do and therefore worthy of donations. It isn't always possible for people to run marathons or do skydives

I didn't do it because I thought I'd know what it was like to lose my hair. I did it when my mum suggested I should, when she was diagnosed with cancer. I raised £1600 for charity, which was the bonus as I probably would have done it anyway. I have shaved my head since as I liked it.

This.

I lost my hair due to chemo and find it very distasteful.

Would you do a sponsored diet to raise awareness of anorexia?

It very different having your head shaved whilst everyone one cheers and laughs knowing that within a couple of days it'll already be growing back to losing your hair when you have no control over it. Not knowing if it'll grow back or you'll ever be 'you' again. The feelings you get from losing your hair due to chemo, are much more complicated than aesthetics. I notice no one ever shaves their eyebrows or pulls out all their eyelashes. That in many ways was much worse for me than the head air due to the awful eye infections I got as a result. I literally had 6 styles at one point and could barely see.

I find it it in poor taste and definitely attention seeking. How could it not be? It's immediately obvious.