Husband and eldest

28 replies

Tiredaf1 · 15/03/2024 09:31

Bit of backstory, my husband and eldest daughter (not his biologically but been her dad since she was 6) they had always a great relationship and she would of went to him over me when at school. She's now almost 20 and things are a shitshow at home. She's extremely rude, ungrateful, filthy and lives like a pig. She works but pays nothing towards her keep and we take her to and from work etc... she's very explosive and self centered but isn't that most "daughters".
Anyway, we are getting on better as I'm not around as much due to having to travel countries to care for my very ill mum.

Last night it all kicked off again over how she leaves our bathroom in our bedroom. She dyed her hair and it was everywhere and cut it too, she was in middle of cleaning it before I went up to bed but the hubby lost it. I don't blame him However in her defense she was actually cleaning it before he came in.
It all exploded from there. He called her a twat, she hurled abuse back and basically he said she needs to leave or he will have to. It's been boiling Over for a few years to be fair.

I don't want to give up on my daughter, she's vulnerable in a way but I feel I probably molly coddle her. She can't afford to move out just yet and I don't think she's ready to but I don't know how long I can keep the peace for at home.
I love my husband, he's an incredible man and supports us in everyday possible. I feel like I'm going to have to effectively chose a side but how do u pick between your daughter or husband...

Feeling low and lost

OP posts:

Original poster

Tiredaf1 · 15/03/2024 11:32

Herdinggoats · 15/03/2024 11:17

The poor man sounds at the end of his tether. I think you need to accept that your daughter has driven the situation to a point where you do need to make a choice.

The fact she has a boyfriend, manages to hold down a job and has friends leads me to think that she can be kind, polite and respectful when she chooses, but she isn’t prepared to do this in your home. If she is working, why can’t she afford to move out-obviously she won’t be able to buy a property, but most youngsters starting out get a flat share and this should be within her reach.

Obviously you can let her stay, but I would assume that your husband won’t, you will then need to be realistic as to what will happen to the family home anyway? Can you afford to keep it by yourself? Will your daughter end up having to move out anyway.

Thank you, she's very good at putting on a "show" she even texted her friends mum happy mothers day and yet I didn't even get a hello...
It's hard I won't lie, she wasn't brought up this way, we lost ourselves when she was diagnosed as up to that point we were strict with her. But she's a lot taller and stronger than me and gets very defensive. (She qas diagnosed very late (in highschool)

She works yes but where we live is very expensive even for a studio. It would be all her wages. She works in a kitchen so pay is rubbish at her age. We are not from here so she has no one she can go stay with

OP posts:

Motnight · 15/03/2024 12:21

Young women (not all, I know) can be extremely difficult to live with.

You've received a lot of advice on this thread, Op, I hope you are finding it useful.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/03/2024 13:42

So what are you going to do? You’ve skipped over where other children are being poorly affected by her behaviour but given you say she’s the eldest there must be. Are they going to be allowed a free ride and to be abusive and nasty when they’re 20?

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