To think this is cruel?

[kcchiefette]

I have a friend who has 2 childhood dogs. One has already died to old age after becoming sick and she had taken it badly.

There is another one who became sick and is also old at 16. The dog cant walk and it shuffles. Theyve been told it has liver issues which will result in failure. Its at the vet every other day for an entire year.

They were told last night that its the end as the dog has stopped eating and drinking. They were given a choice to put down there and then but they said they would rather take dog back home and let dog slip away on its own.

AIBU to think that this is cruel?

The dog is old and suffered now for a year with bad health and its bound to be uncomfortable and in pain.

I have tried to give some advice but she is adamant the family wants the dog at home to pass away.

Presumable the vet has given pain meds? The dog would probably be happier at home than at the vets. You can get vets to come out and put your dog to sleep at home though. Worth suggesting.

Yes it's cruel and selfish.

Its already on pain meds and has been for well over a year, theres nothing else the doctor can sadly do.

I did suggest a vet home visit but they want the dog "to stay awake as long as she can, on her own".

Would they consider having the dog put to sleep at home? Even if their own vets don't do home visits there are mobile vets that may be able to.

This is what we did with our dog and she had the most peaceful passing. If you're in the south wales area I can pass you their details.

Yes people that desperately hang on to their pets are selfish and cruel.

The dog is obviously at the end, the compassionate thing would be to let the dog go now rather than prolong the pain.

Tell her to get the vet to come and put it out of its pain at their house.

Yes it's probably a selfish choice but she is clearly devastated about losing both dogs so quickly. I presume the vet has prescribed pain medication. Maybe try supporting your friend instead of judging.

Yes, that’s a horrible thing to do.

Dont worry I havent said anything to her to rattle her cage.

I have offered to drive her to her parents home (she doesnt live there any more) when it does happen as she's very upset and dont want her driving the 1 hour journey back and forth. I am also popping down for a coffee today so she has some company.

I agree it is cruel and yet it's exactly what we do to humans.

Being PTS is so much more loving than watching a pet suffer. I depise people that drag out a pets life and suffering for their own emotions and I absolutely judge them.

I would reconsider a friendship with someone that could watch their dog suffer, painkillers or not.

She wants the dog to pass away in familiar surroundings and to be with her at the end. My first thought that was quite sweet.

I personally would've taken the vets offer of euthanusing him. But some people find that concept hard to cope with. Especially as she's had the dog so long. I had to have my cat put down and it was really traumatic to watch as the vet kept missing her veins and had to stick it in her neck after flustering for several minutes.
My other cat had lung cancer and died at home peacefully. Curled up asleep.
So I think it's hard to say and each person is different. Each animal is different.
Your poor friend. I'm glad you're there to be supportive. I wouldn't try and say what she's doing is cruel though.

She sees this world in which the dog just slowly passes away quietly and peacefully into a sleep. That really may not be the case. Ask her how she'll feel if her dogs last hours are crying and vomiting and suffering, gasping for breath, while they try and fail to calm their terrified dog. They can choose to let her go painlessly and peacefully, surrounded by the people she loves.

Yes, objectively it's cruel and it's selfish. It's also really hard to let go and being really upset and emotional makes it hard to think about what is truly best for the animal.

I had to have my cat put to sleep several years ago and even though it was absolutely the right thing to do for her, I still felt guilty that I had directly ordered her death. Doing nothing I suppose makes it feel like you aren't causing their death.

The fact that your failure to act is therefore causing their unnecessary suffering isn't something people tend to think about.

See, I have a dog also who is a large breed and prone to joint problems and certain untreatable cancers.

I have already agreed with myself that if she was ever diagnosed with a terminal cancer, that I would have one last great week with her, then let her go peacefully without a rapid decline and only happy memories.

I guess we are all different and then again I could change my mind when that day comes.

you took the words out of my mouth...

Yes, very selfish and cruel. And one of the reasons our eldest son, after working during 6th form at a Vet's, decided not to go ahead and become one. Because too often, the pet's welfare does not come first.

And this is why we have always had the vet come to our house to pts. It costs a bit more, but we never paid for bred dogs, or fancy toys, etc. Best money ever spent.

A peaceful passing , free of pain, is the best way. The owner is very cruel and unreasonable making the dog suffer further

It’s cruel yes

For me this is not so cut and dried, and vets aren’t infallible. Last March a vet from our local practice scanned my cat (18 yrs old) (we had come home from hols and she had lost a lot of weight in the kennels)and said that her liver was badly compromised with cancer, she was too ill to survive and should be put to sleep immediately. I said no, she should come home, and the vet actually shouted at us , accused us of being cruel . We brought her home. The vet refused to give us painkillers for her. I phoned another vet at the practice and we arranged to bring her home with meds that if we felt she was in pain, would knock her out, so that her last memories were of being at home, a vet would do a home visit and put her to sleep. It did take about 3 months for our cat to get better. The nice vet gave her appetite enhancers and steroids which worked. Our beautiful cat is still with us a year later, full QOL for a 19 year old. Obviously she still probably has a liver covered in cancer. Best guess is that it is non malignant or very slow growing, but the first vet saw it as the primary cause of illness rather than a long standing cancer - which was understandable but wrong.
I suppose what I’m saying is that vets aren’t infallible, and that it is possible to bring your pet home to die in their own bed without pain.

I agree with you in that I’d prefer my cat to be put to sleep peacefully rather than suffer (although ideally when this time comes I’d have it performed at home so he was in familiar surroundings). However without sounding harsh, this just isn’t your business or place to say. I imagine they’ve had a discussion with the vet and presumably have been given medication to make the dog as comfortable as possible. The vet allowed them to take their dog home and vets have a duty of care to animals, so I’d like to think any good vet would make them well equipped to help the dog pass peacefully as home naturally.

I do agree with you that it comes across as cruel, but people who are grieving/desperately upset don’t always think rationally.

Can you imagine if this thread was about a human. They do the same with humans every day. What is different about letting a dog do it?

It's understandable to want the dog to die at home, but it's not understandable to prolong its death by waiting for it to 'slip away naturally'.

If they want the dog to die at home - which I think most dog owners do - then they can call the vet out to the put the dog painlessly to sleep at home.

The reality is that 'slipping away naturally' is not a peaceful or dignified death for most animals. It's slow, painful and in all likelihood very frightening for them. It's basically just gradual organ failure and dehydration. Everyone wants to imagine that their pet will just pass away painlessly from old age in their sleep, but it rarely happens. It's euthanasia that actually allows a pet to 'slip away' without pain or distress, not leaving them lying on their bed for many hours (or days) soiling themselves and struggling to breathe until their vital organs pack in.

They do the same with humans every day. What is different about letting a dog do it?

Most humans really don't 'slip away naturally at home' either. Most humans die in hospital, heavily sedated and dosed up to their eyeballs on morphine and monitored by medical staff ensuring that they're kept as comfortable as possible. If they are sent home to die, it's generally with a ton of drugs. It is very much not like the death of a dog.

Even then, plenty of humans would much rather have the quick, painless and peaceful option of euthanasia that, mercifully, we are able to offer to animals.

I did suggest a vet home visit but they want the dog "to stay awake as long as she can, on her own".

That is unequivocally cruel. They might not realise it, but they are deluded if they think they aren't prolonging the dog's suffering.