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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to be bridesmaid

20 replies

Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 14/03/2024 23:05

My friend sent me a wedding invitation last summer. We've been good friends for a fairly short time period (a little over 3 years) but we hit it off straight away and we share a lot of personal things with one another. A couple of months pre-proposal, she asked me how I would feel about being her bridesmaid, and I said I would be over the moon, although at the time I was surprised because we had only known each other for about one year. Fast forward to now and I'm surprised she hasn't asked me to be her bridesmaid based on that bridesmaid question. The big day is in August 2024, was anyone asked to be bridesmaid really last minute? It doesn't bother me at all and it won't affect our friendship but she literally says I'm like a sister which is why I'm confused. Would you expect to be a bridesmaid based on what I've said?

OP posts:
Dogdilemma2000 · 14/03/2024 23:07

Maybe she decided to keep it simple. Too many bridesmaids is stressful and a lot of extra expense for dresses hair makeup etc.

Dont be offended.

NoodleNuts · 14/03/2024 23:07

Would you expect to be a bridesmaid based on what I've said?

No, I wouldn't. Especially not if she hasn't mentioned it since and the wedding is only 5 months away.

sunights · 14/03/2024 23:30

If you want to be sure there isn't a last minute surprise ahead you could start a text/WhatsApp conversation checking in on how she is feeling about the wedding prep, and once its going ask if she has plans for bridesmaids and groomsmen as part of the day, then if she says yes to ask how many and who they will be.

That way, if you feel disappointed you won't need to show it, or if you get a surprise will have time to think about whether you want all that is involved/expected.

MrsPerfect12 · 14/03/2024 23:34

Ask about hen night plans and who is organising it. It is a bridesmaid job so that should open that conversation.

NewName24 · 15/03/2024 00:17

Yes, YABU to expect to be bridesmaid.

Some general theorising, when not even engaged, with a friend you've only known for a year, is just that - general theorising.
If she wanted you to be her bridesmaid she would have asked you at the point they started planning the wedding.

FossiI · 15/03/2024 00:39

The usual weird replies. Yes of course you'd expect to be one after that conversation. If you're that good of friends though, have any bridesmaids been mentioned? Maybe she decided against having them.

AlisonWonderbra · 15/03/2024 00:54

Was she a bit pissed when she mentioned it?

Ghentsummer · 15/03/2024 00:56

FossiI · 15/03/2024 00:39

The usual weird replies. Yes of course you'd expect to be one after that conversation. If you're that good of friends though, have any bridesmaids been mentioned? Maybe she decided against having them.

Really? You would expect to be a bridesmaid after one conversation a couple of years ago before the bride was even engaged and it never having been brought up since? I don't think it's the other replies that are weird.

Picklestop · 15/03/2024 03:20

She should have kept quiet. But this was a conversation two years ago and she hasn’t mentioned it since, so I think you can safely assume you are not bridesmaid and I wouldn’t go dropping hints about it now. Nobody “surprises” anyone with a last minute appointment of bridesmaid.

Original poster
Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 15/03/2024 08:54

MrsPerfect12 · 14/03/2024 23:34

Ask about hen night plans and who is organising it. It is a bridesmaid job so that should open that conversation.

That's a good idea! I'll do that. We have been talking about the wedding as she sent fresh e-invites out two nights ago but I haven't mentioned the hen night

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 15/03/2024 08:56

NewName24 · 15/03/2024 00:17

Yes, YABU to expect to be bridesmaid.

Some general theorising, when not even engaged, with a friend you've only known for a year, is just that - general theorising.
If she wanted you to be her bridesmaid she would have asked you at the point they started planning the wedding.

Ok, that's a fair point

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 15/03/2024 08:59

If you’re close friends with her hasn’t she told you who her bridesmaids are? I’d find it odd if that didn’t come up in wedding chat with a close friend.

Jessforless · 15/03/2024 09:01

Be thankful, I absolutely hate being a bridesmaid 😂

I agree a question about hen night plans should give you the answers you need.

Are you sure you’re that close though? I would have thought this close to the wedding you would know most of her plans?

Original poster
Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 15/03/2024 09:02

FossiI · 15/03/2024 00:39

The usual weird replies. Yes of course you'd expect to be one after that conversation. If you're that good of friends though, have any bridesmaids been mentioned? Maybe she decided against having them.

She hasn't mentioned any bridesmaids. But I think that could be because she remembers asking me about it beforehand. At the time, she also said she wanted me, her sister and two other friends (who I didn't get along with). So she's probably just eliminated me to keep the peace between bridesmaids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 15/03/2024 09:06

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/03/2024 08:59

If you’re close friends with her hasn’t she told you who her bridesmaids are? I’d find it odd if that didn’t come up in wedding chat with a close friend.

She's probably just avoiding the conversation as I'm not her bridesmaid. I've known her fiance for years and tried to ask him about groomsmen in the hope that he'd mention bridesmaids but he didn't mention it

OP posts:
Birch101 · 15/03/2024 09:12

Depending on age and personality I'd also find it odd that you haven't even heard about the hen do yet, the ones I've been on are planned well in advance to make sure the dates work for everyone, however I appreciate that some people just prefer low key meal out and if not in the stage of life where most people have kids assume some plan these quite late as well

crumpet · 15/03/2024 09:20

She may not even remember having had the conversation. If she wants you as a bridesmaid she will tell you/have told you. Just sit back and prepare to enjoy the wedding as a guest to celebrate her happy day, unless you hear otherwise

Alwaystired23 · 15/03/2024 09:49

As she asked you pre proposal and hasn't mentioned it since, and the wedding is in August, I would take it you aren't bridesmaid anymore. I would ask about the hen, and maybe next time you see her show her a dress/outfit whatever you're thinking of getting for her wedding. She's either going to say that's nice, or you're my bridesmaid. I would have thought dresses would have been picked and ordered by now, though.

Original poster
Mumoftwinsandasingleton · 15/03/2024 12:22

AlisonWonderbra · 15/03/2024 00:54

Was she a bit pissed when she mentioned it?

She is alcohol free. Doesn't drink at all

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 15/03/2024 12:34

If you received an invitation last summer for a wedding this August and she hasn't mentioned bridesmaids to you, she DEFINITELY isn't going to ask you.

Depending on the relationship you have, you could say 'look, I think we need to address the elephant in the room - you asked last spring how I would feel about being bridesmaid but you haven't mentioned anything since. I'm not offended, but would just like to know either way.'

But TBH, 7 months into the wedding planning, with only 5 months to go, I would assume I'm not going to be one and just not mention it.

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