To not let my 17 year old son's new Girlfriend stay over

[IndecisiveWWUD]

DS2 (18 in less than 1 month) has been seeing a girl (17 1/2) for about 2 weeks. She's been round quite a few days and up into his room to watch TV together. She seems lovely.

Tonight, DS told us he was going to meet her to go for a walk. I asked if he would stay at hers for a bit after and he said no, he wasn't allowed in her house. We asked why and it's basically because he's a boy.

On my way to drop him off, he asked if she could stay over tomorrow night. I told him I'd have to think about it and that while I wasn't worried about that (he's pretty sensible), I was worried about her parents being worried about that. I get the impression she's just going to say she's staying at a friend's house. I'm feeling on the verge of being complicit in a lie, if I say yes. AIBU (or would I be unreasonable - I haven't given an answer yet) to refuse her staying on that basis?

It would be a big fat no from me. Only been together two weeks and she’s going to lie to her parents. No nope no.

I would say to wait a while, it’s a very new relationship.

Agree. two weeks is nothing

On one hand I agree that it’s a very new relationship and far too soon, on the other hand if they are desperate to have sex they’ll find somewhere. Wouldn’t you rather that it was in a safe space rather than a park or wherever people go?

Can you speak openly and honestly with your son? Time for a very grown up conversation about boundaries and respect.

I think I’d want to call the parents and ask why my ds was so objectionable he wasn’t allowed in her house, I’d find that so offensive. She’s nearly 18 for Gods sake, in 6 months she’ll be staying wherever she wants. Her staying over would be dependant on their reply!

If you allow it then say so. Unless you know the parents personally it's down to her to say where she is. Saying 'a friends house' is technically true. They might just happen to be bf/gf as well currently. At worst the parents might contact you, and I guess if they outwardly ban it then that's another matter. But surely at 17 legally you can sleep at someone's house who's the opposite sex?
I remember being kicked out of an 18 yo boys house once at 17 as I wasn't allowed to stay. He didn't bother telling me that when I travelled there for an hour at 10pm, lol.

I'd say no at this stage. I was happy for my kids to have boyfriends/girlfriends over but I also think it's ok to want to feel comfortable and I would feel more comfortable if they had been dating a month or so at least.

Gosh, a flurry of replies today, a month later.

Update.... I said no. I followed my gut feeling and it didn't feel right. I had more confidence to do that with the replies on here, so thanks for that everyone. 😊He was fine with my decision. He's always quite mature and sensible. We can have these conversations. We talk.

They're still seeing each other a month on. He goes to her house, now. Turned out they were away when they initially said he couldn't go over. She has now stayed over here. It felt better later on so I eventually said yes. All is good.

Only if I had the ok from the parents. Are they going to be in separate rooms?

But how would that help anyone, you getting offended at a slight to your darling boy? I bet your son would be mortified, Maybe her parents are just more strict and conservative. That's their call!

I would say yes as long as I could speak with her parents. That will shut it down pretty quickly

It's a new relationship, her parents don't want your son (or any boys) in the house, and it's just a few weeks before exams start, so not the optimal time for either a heavy new sexual relationship or drama with parents. No.

Darling boy is over egging it somewhat 😆

@IndecisiveWWUD lol, I did not notice the age of your OP, haha! Glad it's all sorted now.