You're not the only mum who works full time 2...

[doyoulikeflowers]

Thanks for the hundreds of responses I got on my thread. I really really really appreciate it.

Just an update on how things are going here now I've stopped work since Monday.

I'm still really really tired. The days actually still feel like quite a slog, I don't know if that will change ?

I've been exercising a lot and the time I spend at home I try to organise and clean while my kids are out of the house. I've been cooking better meals for everyone.

But I still feel really burnt out. I feel relieved but I still feel like everything is demanding.

I'm not putting pressure on myself during the days to get as much done as I can etc. I guess that's normal and it may take a while for me to get into a better routine. I'm not spending much time resting. I don't want to fall into a hole where I just don't go anything. I know myself, it can happen quite easily if I allow things to slip.

I'm still finding looking after the kids - getting them ready in the morning and to bed at night and night times really tiring.

Regarding my decision to quit, I'm really glad. I still feel residual shame about the whole thing. Especially since my H doesn't want to tell his parents yet as it's not ' great news '.. just made me feel shit when he put it like that.

He's also made little comments here and there about some mums we know- some who stay at home and others who work. He clearly respects the ones who work a lot more. I've put my feelers out to some recruiters but nothing interesting has caught my eye. I can't go back to work too soon and it can't be like it was. A lot will need to change.

So over all, feeling exhausted still, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but also a bit down about everything and a bit anxious about the future as well.

I actually meant I'm putting pressure on myself to get as much done as I can during the days.

That’s good to hear! I also quit last year when I found I was overwhelmed with work and kids and everything. My DH works long hours and definitely never did half the work when I was working. He just continued as if I was still a SAHP and it drove me nuts. I worked remotely and I think that made things worse as my DH still felt I was at home all the time.

I think some men respect women who work more than women who stay at home but unfortunately they don’t realise that those women usually have supportive partners. I am trying to get back to work but finding a suitable role with small kids has been hard especially as I am in a pretty remote part of the country. Anyway good luck to you. Take some time to sort yourself out and then look for a new role. All the best!

It’s going to take more than 4 days to reset! Patience OP!

@doyoulikeflowers
I hope you take the time to pause mentally as well as physically. It could be emotional burnout that is tiring you as much as the physical hours you're doing.
Take space for your head, whatever works for you to help quieten your mind and enable you to better tackle what is next.

Sorry your husband isn't more supportive. He's taking a very narrow attitude and it's unhelpful. You have to do what works for your circumstances each time, not just what others think.

Good luck OP
Glad you are taking some time for yourself

You are still in survival mode.

I was put on sick leave due to stress in Feb 2020 for 6 weeks. Then Lockdown. Took my well into April to feel anything like ok. That summer was the best of my life, same for my sister who hadnt realise how awful she had been feeling for the same reason (both in different hospitality sectors). Late 2020 I was made redundant and she quit. We both chose to go into non management roles despite being head hunted for management and have been so much happier since.

It was explained to me by a therapist that my body and brain didnt quite trust me enough to relax. That it had done that before and then got thrown back into the frenetic life. She said it was like adopting an animal that had been badly treated, you need to show it love and patience to allow it to trust you and to identify and remove the things that frightened or abused it.

You have removed the job issue. But I cant help thinking that there may be something else that you need to identify and remove before your recovery happens.

You feel that you must do as much as you can to "earn" not being at work. That is, and will continue to be, just as stressful but in a different way.

He doesnt value you without a cash worth. The words "Well what have you done for the family all day seeing as you are not bringing any money in anymore" are stopping you from allowing yourself to de-stress......and we know that it isnt your voice in your head saying those words.......

FYI, you seem to have missed taking your empathy pill today

Oh and if you dont want to leave YOUR shithead partner, why even mention it? Unless you are envious of the OP making changes to her life that you dont want to make to yours and are trying to make her feel as shit at you do.

Or did someone start a race to the bottom that you are determined to win?

Have you seen your doctor OP? Maybe a blood test for the fatigue? Low folate or low iron could be making you feel tired. Worth getting checked if you haven't already.

I think it might be a good idea to see the GP to rule out any other cause of tiredness. As pps have said, 4 days isn't a lot.

I suffer from a serious autoimmune disease, which causes fatigue too. That's also been a huge part of my decision making. It's a really cruel disease.

That's also what makes me even angrier at him. He knows this and his family know too but still it's going to be ' not good news ' that I'm no longer running myself into the ground.

Maybe you should raise your standards and leave him then?