FB Death Announcers

[Asprogata]

Who are these random people who feel it is in any way appropriate to share news of a death on Facebook when it’s not one of their immediate family/circle?

Just learned of a friend’s sudden death, by a FB post from a random acquaintance of friend. The family haven’t even posted yet!

It’s not the first time I’ve seen this and often seems to be accompanied by an “all about me” post - “Such a sad, sudden loss of “John”. Saw him last month in a meeting. Can’t believe it. Will always remember our chats about vegetables, or whatever, and have a tear in my eye”. This is then followed by loads of sorry for your loss comments and hugs emojis!

YANBU I must be old but I never advise of any deaths in any kind of writing - only in real life or telephone conversations.

And I NEVER give condolences in writing either. Again, only in real life or in telephone conversations.

Just because you CAN use social media for something, doesn't mean you SHOULD.

YANBU it’s gross.

You never send condolence cards?

The worst ever example of that was several years ago a child went missing while on holiday with her Dad. She was found dead. Police were literally breaking their neck to get to the mother to inform her but the local FB grief vultures got there first. How devastating to discover your child's death/murder on Facebook

This is a bit surprising. I was taught that bad news should be given in writing (ideally in a handwritten letter) so the recipient can compose themselves before getting in touch. Otherwise you risk ringing them to tell them about a death while they are on their way out to Tesco.

God. That is just horrific

Yes, i sometimes go to see them and take cards/flowers/food. So technically I guess taking a condolence card IS putting it in writing. Well done you, you got me there.

See also birth announcements. Women recovering from surgery/giving birth don't want people splashing their child's details on a public domain.

Made worse if you didn't put scans or announcements on social media, or if they spell the child's name wrong or even write a completely different one.

But yes death is a thousand times worse yet still people do it.

My worst example (and may be outing) was caused by an old school “friend”.

He is now quite, more than quite actually, an extreme advocate for vegan living.

He tagged himself and a former colleague (who I don’t know), announcing the colleague's death from cancer. There was a hugely graphic and uncomfortable description of how the cancer must have eaten him alive despite the school friend’s warnings about meat eating.

It was horrific reading. There then appeared to be a huge backlash as most people learned of the man’s death by reading this post on his own timeline. In the end I blocked the friend pretty quickly as he was hell bent on justifying his actions in order to “educate” others.

YANBU. When my Grandmother died one of my cousins slapped it all over FB straight away, it was pure luck I hadn't seen the FB post before my mum had chance to tell me

A couple of years ago a teen was killed off his bike by a truck where I am. His mother was on the train home and found out about the death of her own child on fb from some local mouthpiece on a local page. Sickening.

I know people like this, shameless grief junkies.

Oh, I hate this too. Some people seem to love doing this. My dad passed away very suddenly when I was in my early 20s, and I have such a strong memory of opening up Facebook and seeing his picture posted by several extended family members eager to share the news. We had only just found out ourselves! It was so distressing.

This is awful

Same thing happened to dh- unfortunately we weren’t told in time. It’s so thoughtless and crass.

This happened when my DH died unexpectedly a few months ago. An acquaintance (brother of a friend) who rarely saw my DH from one year to the next felt the need to post on my DHs Facebook the minute he heard the news.

I didn’t find out for a couple of days (as I wasn’t checking Facebook and I wasn’t connected to the poster), I’m still cross about it now - particularly as some difficult family circumstances meant we were trying to be really careful about sharing the news on public forums.

I’ve not had it out with the person concerned and don’t have the emotional energy to do so but I will never forget or forgive.

It is awful. When a colleague dies at work and the company share the news they always make a point of saying we have been told quickly so please refrain from mentioning on social media to give extended family and friends a chance to be told. I think it is a helpful reminder to avoid this kind of situation.

My sister did this when my grandad died. I was away from home on a trip that day and got a text from a friend saying sorry for my loss. Was like wtf who has died?! She's always been an attention seeker.

I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry if my post brought up this distressing incident in your memory. He was, of course, entirely out of order x

My sister ( who i don't speak to) phoned everyone she could think of the evening my husband died. My older sister called her and specifically asked her not to post anything, so she phoned instead. I gave my friend a list of people to call the next morning - most of them had already been called. I'm still angry 5 years later

My parents hadn't seen my Mum's brother and his family for years, even though they live close by.

When my Dad died, Mum's brothers wife and their daughter went way overboard with all the Facebook posts. Posting a glass of wine saying my Dad was in their thoughts, posting pictures of flowers saying they were thinking of us and so on. They made it look they were being super helpful and caring.

In real life, they hardly had anything to do with us and we've not seen them since the funeral.

That’s lovely of you and thank you for your kind words but strangely it’s reassuring that there’s a lot of these grief vampires / grief thief’s / nobheads roaming around, it helps me to minimise it

No, I mean to people who don’t live near enough to pop round, but who you don’t necessarily know well enough to ring at such a sensitive time. I have sent several cards like that. And also cards to people I have also rung up. I think it’s a bit odd to say you would never do it in writing.

YANBU. My dad passed away suddenly in May and some random people who knew from football posted on his Facebook within 30 mins of him passing. I saw it that night and it was a shock. People asking 'how did he die' etc which was absolutely disgusting and really hurtful.