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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I in the wrong here?

30 replies

Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 17:17

It was my birthday last week.
My boyfriend has never been a huge social media user, but did used to go on instagram sometimes. He used to post a funny story on my birthday.

This year he didn’t. Now, I know social media isn’t everything, and it’s not this exact fact that I’m upset about.
I simply asked him why he doesn’t anymore, when he used to. It was just out of curiosity.

He just said things like “you don’t get to monitor my social media use” and he said he won’t be made to feel like he had to post a story.

I also figured that maybe he just didn’t even think about it. What upset me most was he actually said he thought about it, and decided against it.
He said he used to post stories “because he wanted to”.

This whole thing makes me feel like he’s gone off me, and that he just simply isn’t as interested anymore. He used to do it because he wanted to, now he simply doesn’t.

it’s hard to explain, but am I being stupid to feel a bit sad?

OP posts:
missmollygreen · 14/03/2024 17:23

Are you serious? Upset that he didnt post a story on his instgram for your birthday?

Ridiculous

Original poster
Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 17:25

It’s more about the fact it’s changed and he’s just defensive

OP posts:
UpUpUpU · 14/03/2024 17:26

Wow. This is another level of first world problems!

CanaryCanary · 14/03/2024 17:27

I get it, I’d find his reaction more of an issue than whether or not he posted a story. Like if the answer was he didn’t think about it, or he’s cutting down on social media or whatever, then I doubt you’d have cared? But instead he’s leapt straight to a sort of accusation against you, suggesting you’re trying to control him, when really you were just asking him about a change he’s made.

How’s the relationship generally?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 14/03/2024 17:31

Perhaps he has grown up a bit and realised that life doesn't need to be lived through social media.

Did he acknowledge your birthday in some other way?

I think you are in the wrong here, sorry.

IggOrEgg · 14/03/2024 17:31

It sounds like he was barely on Instagram anyway and has just grown out of it altogether now. I don’t think this is something to get worked up about really.

SlowlyLurking · 14/03/2024 17:31

Does he post his life on social media like his meals, journeys etc? Is he one of those? If he is, YANBU. If he's not, YABU. It's all about the context.

Catsandcuddles · 14/03/2024 17:32

I normally do these type of posts to honest, but for the first time this year I didn't do one for Mother's day. It was nothing personal to my mum, I just don't use or post that much on social media anymore . There was nothing more to it. I

Could it be this , especially if he doesn't use SM much and has just grown out of it. As for his reaction, he was probably just annoyed as you are questioning what he does. I think you are probably overreacting here.

SlowlyLurking · 14/03/2024 17:32

Just re-read and realised you said he's not a huge user.

YABU.

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/03/2024 17:33

Did you get a present? A card? A cake? Did he do something else for your birthdya?

TheIceQween · 14/03/2024 17:36

I used to be into my insta. I’d post about my life, my kids and my boyfriend. He never returned the favour? It just seemed off to me. I was right to trust my gut because of course he was messaging half the girls on his following list. Didn’t want them to know he’d got a loving partner at home did he?
Ive taken a MASSIVE step back from all SM. Haven’t been on fb for 7 years. If you sense something in your gut, go with it

minipie · 14/03/2024 17:36

Jeeez social media has a lot to answer for. How to create an argument out of thin air.

Catsandcuddles · 14/03/2024 17:40

TheIceQween · 14/03/2024 17:36

I used to be into my insta. I’d post about my life, my kids and my boyfriend. He never returned the favour? It just seemed off to me. I was right to trust my gut because of course he was messaging half the girls on his following list. Didn’t want them to know he’d got a loving partner at home did he?
Ive taken a MASSIVE step back from all SM. Haven’t been on fb for 7 years. If you sense something in your gut, go with it

I'm sorry this was the case for you, but it doesn't mean everyone who doesn't reciprocate posts like this is like your ex. Some people don't feel the need to do a birthday post when they live together... as long as he acknowledged the birthday in other ways, he doesn't need to do a post to justify he loves her.

StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips · 14/03/2024 17:44

If he made an effort for your birthday and you have chosen to make a thing out of this YABU, and I'm don't blame him for being upset with you.

How do you feel about the relationship/effort in general?

Original poster
Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 18:03

I asked him why he simply doesn’t delete it if it’s not important to him and he “never goes on it” and it “never crosses his mind”.
He said “because it’s nice to post a couple of pictures every now and then, when it feels right/when I want to. I didn’t want to on your birthday”
😵‍💫

OP posts:
RedCarWithDice · 14/03/2024 18:06

It sounds like he's gone off social media rather than you...which is an excellent thing in my books. An attractive quality.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 14/03/2024 19:33

I would genuinely dump anyone who complained to be about something so trival and irrelevant.

You aren't a child.

TheIceQween · 14/03/2024 20:57

@Catsandcuddles Of course I’m not saying that is a blanket statement for all couples on Instagram. It was my experience. In this type of instance where, a person who used to post, now doesn’t… they’ve either outgrown it as PP have mentioned, or there’s a more sinister undertone. Coupled with that gut wrench….

Original poster
Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 22:17

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 22:31

And yes it was the same with me. My ex didn’t use social media.. that was until I realised he did, just in his own time to message other girls. So I guess him being defensive and saying “I just didn’t want to” does worry me

OP posts:
Catsandcuddles · 14/03/2024 23:09

Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 22:31

And yes it was the same with me. My ex didn’t use social media.. that was until I realised he did, just in his own time to message other girls. So I guess him being defensive and saying “I just didn’t want to” does worry me

Did he acknowledge your birthday in other ways? Did he still get you a card, present, do sometime nice together, similar to what he has done previously? Is it only the lack of post that bothers you, or the way he acted in general about your birthday?

Original poster
Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 23:13

We were on holiday in Scotland and he did book an activity and he got a card.
He usually decorates (banners, balloons etc). He said he couldn’t find any this year (he tried one shop whilst we were there). So I’m unsure if I sound spoilt or not?…

OP posts:
Catsandcuddles · 15/03/2024 12:28

No I don't think you sound spoilt as such, I think you are overthinking things and maybe a bit insecure (ex cheating )

I would say if everything else is good in the relationship I wouldn't give this a second thought and you've probably just annoyed him by drawing such attention to it.

SlowlyLurking · 15/03/2024 12:46

Simpson08 · 14/03/2024 22:31

And yes it was the same with me. My ex didn’t use social media.. that was until I realised he did, just in his own time to message other girls. So I guess him being defensive and saying “I just didn’t want to” does worry me

I absolutely guarantee if you snoop you'll find the answer as to why he didn't post.

Picklestop · 15/03/2024 12:46

There was a time I posted on Facebook, now I am not interested and have deactivated my account, so has DH.

I do birthdays I really do, even for adults, but seriously banners and balloons? 🙄

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