AIBU to pursue Rape and Paedophile claim now?

[Bewildbefree]

I need advice on here of what to do. Please bear with me and read till the end. I’m numb, angry and feel sick all over again.

My rapist has been arrested recently for murder and it triggered my PTSD and trauma.

20 years ago when I was 13 I was taken advantage of “raped” by a 28 year old man.

I was already the victim of sexual abuse and a troubled teenager who ran away from home. This man invited me and my friends into his home and gave us alcohol. I was sick a lot, he then put me in his bed and took advantage. I didn’t try to fight him, I was shocked and scared and ashamed.

My friend told my mum and made me go to the police. So I did. I already had the belief that I was to blame due to a sexual assault at 6. The police made me feel no different this time.

They asked me questions like “did you try to fight him?”, “Did you ask him to stop?”, “If you were drunk, how do you know you didn’t consent?”
I felt utterly ashamed and to blame. So I didn’t pursue it.
I did get months of counselling. But the whole time I felt like I was cheating them because it was my fault. I blamed myself for years and said to myself. I must have really wanted it because I didn’t say no. I felt cheap and people started calling me a slag.
So I buried it.

I then went on to have failed relationships with older men at the age of 15. Because nobody made me feel like that wasn’t okay and its all I was worth. I was groomed for 10 years after that and had children with my abuser who I still have to deal with now. Its hard.

But this man, he was the cause of my issues and the reason my life was ruined.

I turned it around and now work in mental health and with children who have traumatic backgrounds, to try and make a difference.

My question is, can I come forward now? Can I complain about the police who dealt with my case? Who do I speak to? I want justice for myself and the man he murdered. I know now that a 13 year old cannot consent to sex with a man aged 28! I was failed massively! My life would have been so different!

Thank you to those who stayed to read

Couldn’t read and run. I have no personal experience but I’m sorry for what you went through and the experience you had with the police 💐 It sounds like you do great work now and you’ve become a very strong woman. If you feel ready to pursue it again, now is the time.

I am so sorry for all you have been through. It sounds like you are doing wonderful work now and helping people like your young self who needed help. I don't know the way to do this but I absolutely would pursue this, you were a child and he was a grown man. I hope others can advise how to proceed. I wish you so much luck and happiness Xxx

Thanks so much guys. My life is good now. Not where I want it because I’ve suffered for a long time. But good enough. I Just don’t know how to go forward with it. I hope someone can help.

You absolutely can report this to the police again. People report historic cases and they do get investigated.
Do what you feel is right for you.

Oh you poor thing!!!!!
The police handled that disgustingly.

Yeah they did. I know this now. Can I do anything about this? I don’t know where to start. I was 13 and pushed into a corner

You are so brave - yes, you can always come forward. And from fairly recent experience with clients who have gone to the police about historic childhood sexual abuse, they are much better now. Obviously that is no guarantee but it comes up quite a lot in my work and all I have heard has been much more positive. I am so sorry for what happened to you, but it sounds like you have worked so hard to overcome this and do well for yourself in life.

Definitely speak to the police again, and insist they try and pursue the case. I'm so pleased you've got a happy life now and such a fulfilling and beneficial career. It could well be that you could go to the IPCC or whatever it's called now if it's found they mishandled your case. But of course you deserve justice.

Absolutely report. I hope you get the justice you seek and deserve.
I am a survivor of sexual abuse as is my daughter.
I have spent the last 3 years advocating for her.
I don't think it's possible to describe what happens to the abused, lifelong and soul deep, when they become the target of malevolence and sexual violence. Unfortunately, police were less than inspirational in my daughter's case. Yes, my daughter got her justice. Her abuser is in prison. But the road to justice itself is a tough one. It can be traumatic. I was sometimes left speechless by the way police framed their questions and used language, i.e. 'Did he only digitally penetrate your daughter,' as if the fact that he used fingers and not his dick made it somehow more tolerable, less 'bad'. Only is a word that has the power to diminish so much. Police laziness was an issue. Anyway, it's a mixed bag of continued resentment and recovering/getting that justice. I try to focus on the latter. Some days I feel very bitter because the police left a lot of stones unturned. Mostly though, I rejoice in the incredible leaps my daughter has made. I'd still report, again and again, of course, I would.
Have you had any therapy, OP? 💐

You can make a complaint. If you Google the name of the police form you made your report to and complaints, their complaints procedure should come up online.